Let's face it, I'm in love with a guy who is just using me for sex & is talking with other girls, what are my choices?

I'm not going to give details, but basically I have been having sex with a guy who is not looking for a relationship right now ( we are 22) and I keep returning for sex even though I am well aware he won't fall for me no matter how "beautiful and smart" I am.
I just love being with him that much.

But I know he is talking and possibly sleeping with other women even if he tells me he isn't. I can't trust him because he doesn't have emotional attachment to me so why would he care if he lies to me or not. My friends and family say it's ridiculous, I deserve so much more, I'm selling myself short... But I can't describe the amount of comfort and enjoyment when I am with him. I've tried with other guys to get this feeling and it just makes me miss him more. How pathetic right? I keep going around in circles.. One day I'm over him and disgusted, the next.. He makes me just crumble to pieces with adoration. I only see him every couple weeks too. He's in my head or I'm in his bed, and I don't know how to stop this when he is what I want so much.

I would really appreciate honest and helpful answers. I've never been in this situation before.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop giving the milk for free. You have set your worth and he will NEVER see you for anything more than that now.
    You are a wet hole to masturbate with. It's as simple as that.
    If you truly felt you deserve much more, then you would not allow yourself to be a tool for sex. You would not keep going back to a guy who openly and up front told you you would not be anything other than.
    You are living in a fantasy you created for yourself. This will not end the way you want it to. You know this. SO what are you wasting your time getting further into it for? You are setting yourself up for massive hurt and disappointment.

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    • I know. I know all of this... But I feel powerless at times and I don't know why. last week I was ready to say goodbye. I told him off, set my standards.. I wasn't expecting him to "fight" for me.. I thought he would be like whatever goodbye since I'm just "a wet hole" but he was like no trust me, you're the only one, believe me, don't do this, etc. and I crumbled again. It would have been so much easier if he didn't say that. I haven't spoken to him for a few days now, since we established where I stand in terms of exclusive sex partners... But now I want to tell him that I demand more, I know what I want, I'm selling myself short, and he either takes me out and gets to know me as a person or he can take the high road. Im assuming he will say goodbye, but at least I can leave in a more respected manner.

      Does this seem like an okay idea? I don't know what else I can do.

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    • It would be better for you to contact him. You then hold the power.

    • Agree with the rest

Most Helpful Girl

  • He Uses and Abuses You and is Not Only Bedding Down Other Women here, dear, He is Mistaking your Kindness for Weepy Weakness.
    Listen to Your Friendly Loving Family Who know Best from the Rest and Yes... You DO Deserve Better.
    Some Girls Feel the More in Store and Mean and Dirty a man is to Them, the Better they Love it and Become Obsessed by Them, Under their Wicked Hell Spell.
    Dump him, Move on. You are an Enabler to Continue to Let this Loser have His Sweet ass cake and Eat it... Two and then Some.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thank you 😌

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    • So welcome and thank you for the Like. xxoo

    • Thank you for the Vote of Confidence, sweetie, and give up the milk for sure. xxoo

What Guys Said 10

  • My honest suggestion is to cut him off - completely. I know that sex with him is really good, but you need to resist him.

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    • On lonely nights I feel like so vulnerable I don't know how to not contact him because he has become a habit with me

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    • That depends on how deep your feelings are. Since the feelings are unrequited in your case, its shouldn't take that long. Besides, it was ex that led to feelings, so stopping with the sex will aid in getting over the feelings too. Make sure you involve yourself in activities you enjoy doing, hang out with friends, work out etc. Very soon, you'll be over him, and be out of this trap! :)

    • I'm not sure. They feel deep now but I don't know how I will feel in 2 weeks. I feel for him so fast that I can't trust my feelings at all anymore. One day I didn't like him at all, the next he was all I wanted.

  • You are getting temporary comfort at the expense of long-term emotional harm. Only you can decide if that comfort is worth the expense. If it is, then keep seeing him. If it isn't, then break it off. There's no magic third option, and you are an adult - it is up to YOU to make the decisions for your life, and if you make poor decisions, that is going to have consequences on your life.

    I'm pretty sure you already know all of this, but it sounds like you are looking for someone to step in and make this decision for you. That isn't going to happen - it's up to YOU to do that.

    Something to consider: as long as you are emotionally connected to this guy, you won't be motivated to find another guy who might be able to offer you all the positives you get from this guy PLUS the emotional connection you need to feel good about it all. You are wasting your time with this guy when you clearly want to move forward and toward something more "real", and staying with him is only delaying that future.

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  • I think you just have to have self-control and courage and end it. You can either tell him that this arrangement is no longer viable for you and move on (which I think would be empowering for you) or put your heart out there again tell him you care for him and want something more exclusive even if it's just sexual exclusiveness, if you tells you no or brushes off, or you can just tell he is lying then you got hear it from his mouth and hopefully his answer sinks in and you can part ways.

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    • What sucks is that I don't believe him.
      He tells me we are exclusive sexually, but then he goes on tinder and it just seems sketchy. So, that leaves me with telling him I want exclusive in terms of a relationship or that I am moving on. It's scary because I feel like I'll never see him again... Or it'll force him to actually commit (which is a fantasy I know).. Like if I set my value up again, maybe he will desire and respect me more? Is that a thing? If I tell him no sex unless ___. I mean, I risk him saying bye but at least he knows where I stand?

  • "You are owner of your sole alone" and no one can take that away from you and there is nothing as I can't "you have to" and if you don't believe in your self you can't you are never getting out of this. I can understand he knows how to handle women in bed
    but
    "all glitters are not gold" resist its your last option.

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    • I know.. I used to have so much self power and I believed in my independence so much... That was before I met him. Like I said, never been in this position before and it really has rattled my brains

    • Well feels like first time you are tested but you must resist the lust, lust in not gona drag you in to sex but your weakness will, stay strong girl.

    • Thanks <3

  • Clean break. The fact that you've had sex with him is really bad, and has contributed to your attachment to him. Sex creates an emotional and spiritual bond (only those who have a conscience notice it though). This is happening to you. It's unhealthy to enter into that kind of intimacy when there is no commitment. Free yourself and move on.

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  • In your story, replace him by heroin. It's exactly the same. You know it's wrong for you, but it gives you temporary comfort. Should you continue using heroin? Nobody can stop you, it's your choice. You can continue your bad habit until it destroys you, nobody has the power to stop it but yourself. Your choice is to either let it destroy you or wake up and understand nothing good can come from it. @A_Lolita

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    • I was thinking the same. I had friends that were addicted to H, and honestly their words ring in my ear because it sounds like how I feel with him. Gotta go cold turkey to quit.

  • Our troubles come from obsessing over what we do not have, rather than enjoying what we do have.

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  • A little which doesn't lower your self esteem is better than that more which crushes it.

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  • options -
    1. dump him.
    2. keep on with it
    3. let him know how you REALLY feel and see if he is willing to be exclusive with you or not.

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    • He told me he IS willing to be exclusive for sex but I don't believe him. And said he has been; I'm the only one he has continuously slept with for this long.. But again, I see him on tinder and it's like why?

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    • Just focus your efforts on finding someone else. If you can't part with this guy so easily keep talking with him here and there until you start talking with someone else that you are interested in, but don't keep having sex with him, and I wouldn't even bother seeing him. You've gotten emotionally attached. Thats the problem. Its going to be hard on you to ditch him especially when he isn't the one pushing you away. But how would you feel if you caught him out on a date with another girl? Try to start finding someone else, even if that means you just start talking with other guys more. You say this guy is amazing compared to other guys, but how do you know he's not pretending to be that guy just to get you into bed? A lot of people do that.. girls and guys. Try to distance and distract yourself and once you keep distance for long enough it shouldn't be so hard to stay away from him anymore.. its similar to getting over a break up.

    • Really? Lol, tables do turn I suppose. I just need to be okay with him sleeping with others and I'm not. It hurts me. :/

  • you like alpha men girls. u can't help your nature. we fuck you over and you come back with even more fierce passion. dont worry when you get 36 and your tits start to sag and your face to wrinkle you'll marry a good guy beta provider. if u get hon you can come again to us for some good hard fucking.

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    • Everyone is going to get old, doesn't mean I'm not establishing a life for myself so I can prepare for a life without a man.

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    • we are hotter. we are players, e ae better fuckers. and our poison is honey, thats what i;m saying and thats exactly how your alpha fucker keeps you enchanted. but one day you'll marry a boring beta loser who can't fuck you cause its marriage time. of course first you'll spend your whole youth trying to convert an alpha male thinking you have the magic vagina that will make him reformed and domesticated. from the sound of it your guy sags at least 10 bitches a week. high level game. give him a high five from me.

    • lol no he doesn't. You're making him out to be someone he isn't. You're getting a bit carried away bud.

What Girls Said 9

  • I watched an episode of Steve Harvey's talk show the other day, and he made a really good point. Don't make yourself stop thinking of him, because that's not going to happen. What you need to do is stop thinking of the good times, good qualities, and things that make you miss him. Think about the other woman he slept with last night, think about all the times he didn't call or seem to care about you, think about how he said he didn't want to commit to your mind but he'd use your body just fine. "Drink that all day" Steve Harvey said lol

    It sucks, I know. These cycles are hard to break and I understand it completely. You will stop when you're ready to stop, but know that it's never going to come easy. There will never be a "right" time. You just have to decide what you want.

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    • I like this. I will give it an honest go. Thank you!

    • That won't work for everyone. I like Steve, but I suspect he doesn't know women as well as he thinks he does.

      That kind of drama -- that exact mix of good and bad -- is EXACTLY what keeps a lot of women coming back to these relationships in the first place!
      They're EXCITING. Judge as you will, but, a lot of women have a pretty deep, primal need for that kind of excitement, and it's gotta derive from... somewhere.
      For those women, the trick isn't to find a "better" boyfriend. It's to find a boyfriend who'll love them and who'll screw them over (lol) but in ways that are less damaging in the long term.

      Oh, and, some women have a sexual kink for those kinds of thoughts of inferiority. "Drinking that all day" would just make some of us get off all day long.
      Just sayin.

  • I have been in this exact situation before so I can sympathize 100%. You already know the right thing to do, but it's hard to act on it. What finally got me over it was I met someone who treated me with a lot of respect. I knew before I met this other guy though that I needed to cut ties, but I was too weak to do it. I was still "seeing" the other guy and one night he tried to take advantage of me when I was too intoxicated to even move. That made me realize how big of an idiot I'd been to keep hanging around him when there was someone else who was so much better waiting.
    Hopefully you don't need some dramatic event to be able to pull yourself out of this cycle. The only advice I can offer is to tell him you're done and then be done. Delete his number and stop following him on social media. It'll be hard but you'll be so glad you got rid of him when someone who treats you like a queen comes around. You can message me if you want to talk about it more.

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    • Exactly. I can give myself advice but as long as I am not acting on it (for whatever reason) then I will remain here. I'm glad you have moved on! Being in this situation is something I never imagined... I didn't think it would hurt so much either.

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    • It would be unhealthy if you bury the feelings and don't deal with them. Sure he wasn't your boyfriend but you do feel like you're in love with him, so of course it's going to hurt. Take some time to hurt over it. You aren't going to be able to be strong and find a new dude if you haven't properly dealt with the emotions that you're having.

    • Thank you (:

  • If you like him and you like being with him and you KNOW that he doesn't want anything serious, then I think it's fine to keep seeing him. If it really makes you happy to see him. Just know that eventually you will want more and just sleeping with him won't be enough. And then that will cause a lot of pain so you really have to think this through in the long term.

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    • I already want more :( that's my problem. I need to think it through and I already know the best for me is to say goodbye. I just can't seem to do it

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    • Whatever you decide to do, best of luck to you [=

    • Thank you (:

  • He must have that really good D! Haha.

    I can only say that you should cut him off. Repeat after me: YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE. YOU DON'T HAVE WONRERWOMAN PUSSY.

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    • He's got that Italian love :( lol

    • Oh :/
      Well, just be careful. Pretty men with good sex are our kryptonite. Women's only weakness lol

    • He's so pretty 😫

  • Been there.

    You have to cut him off completely.

    That's the only way you'll realize your worth and value. He may seem like the perfect guy, but he's not. The perfect guy wouldn't string you along without commitments.

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  • You need to dig down deep and figure out if that's really what u want because it seems like u are having case of wanting what u can't have and u might need to give him a taste of his own medicine and treat him how he treat you and u might grow to not like him or make him see your worth

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    • I concur. I just worry he won't come back or something but I need to realize that that would be for the best then

    • Exactly! men know what they want just like we women do So if he doesn't come back then u know the deal.

  • You need to leave this dead end situation. Stop being needy. Get busy with other activities. Friends, school, work, gym, whatever to fill your head. And get a vibrator to stay out of his bed.

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  • Sounds familiar..@juicybrain

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  • dump him there is no other way

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