I'm not going to give details, but basically I have been having sex with a guy who is not looking for a relationship right now ( we are 22) and I keep returning for sex even though I am well aware he won't fall for me no matter how "beautiful and smart" I am. I just love being with him that much.
But I know he is talking and possibly sleeping with other women even if he tells me he isn't. I can't trust him because he doesn't have emotional attachment to me so why would he care if he lies to me or not. My friends and family say it's ridiculous, I deserve so much more, I'm selling myself short... But I can't describe the amount of comfort and enjoyment when I am with him. I've tried with other guys to get this feeling and it just makes me miss him more. How pathetic right? I keep going around in circles.. One day I'm over him and disgusted, the next.. He makes me just crumble to pieces with adoration. I only see him every couple weeks too. He's in my head or I'm in his bed, and I don't know how to stop this when he is what I want so much.
I would really appreciate honest and helpful answers. I've never been in this situation before.
Stop giving the milk for free. You have set your worth and he will NEVER see you for anything more than that now. You are a wet hole to masturbate with. It's as simple as that. If you truly felt you deserve much more, then you would not allow yourself to be a tool for sex. You would not keep going back to a guy who openly and up front told you you would not be anything other than. You are living in a fantasy you created for yourself. This will not end the way you want it to. You know this. SO what are you wasting your time getting further into it for? You are setting yourself up for massive hurt and disappointment.
He Uses and Abuses You and is Not Only Bedding Down Other Women here, dear, He is Mistaking your Kindness for Weepy Weakness. Listen to Your Friendly Loving Family Who know Best from the Rest and Yes... You DO Deserve Better. Some Girls Feel the More in Store and Mean and Dirty a man is to Them, the Better they Love it and Become Obsessed by Them, Under their Wicked Hell Spell. Dump him, Move on. You are an Enabler to Continue to Let this Loser have His Sweet ass cake and Eat it... Two and then Some. Good luck. xx
You are getting temporary comfort at the expense of long-term emotional harm. Only you can decide if that comfort is worth the expense. If it is, then keep seeing him. If it isn't, then break it off. There's no magic third option, and you are an adult - it is up to YOU to make the decisions for your life, and if you make poor decisions, that is going to have consequences on your life.
I'm pretty sure you already know all of this, but it sounds like you are looking for someone to step in and make this decision for you. That isn't going to happen - it's up to YOU to do that.
Something to consider: as long as you are emotionally connected to this guy, you won't be motivated to find another guy who might be able to offer you all the positives you get from this guy PLUS the emotional connection you need to feel good about it all. You are wasting your time with this guy when you clearly want to move forward and toward something more "real", and staying with him is only delaying that future.
I think you just have to have self-control and courage and end it. You can either tell him that this arrangement is no longer viable for you and move on (which I think would be empowering for you) or put your heart out there again tell him you care for him and want something more exclusive even if it's just sexual exclusiveness, if you tells you no or brushes off, or you can just tell he is lying then you got hear it from his mouth and hopefully his answer sinks in and you can part ways.
"You are owner of your sole alone" and no one can take that away from you and there is nothing as I can't "you have to" and if you don't believe in your self you can't you are never getting out of this. I can understand he knows how to handle women in bed but "all glitters are not gold" resist its your last option.
Clean break. The fact that you've had sex with him is really bad, and has contributed to your attachment to him. Sex creates an emotional and spiritual bond (only those who have a conscience notice it though). This is happening to you. It's unhealthy to enter into that kind of intimacy when there is no commitment. Free yourself and move on.
In your story, replace him by heroin. It's exactly the same. You know it's wrong for you, but it gives you temporary comfort. Should you continue using heroin? Nobody can stop you, it's your choice. You can continue your bad habit until it destroys you, nobody has the power to stop it but yourself. Your choice is to either let it destroy you or wake up and understand nothing good can come from it. @A_Lolita
you like alpha men girls. u can't help your nature. we fuck you over and you come back with even more fierce passion. dont worry when you get 36 and your tits start to sag and your face to wrinkle you'll marry a good guy beta provider. if u get hon you can come again to us for some good hard fucking.
I watched an episode of Steve Harvey's talk show the other day, and he made a really good point. Don't make yourself stop thinking of him, because that's not going to happen. What you need to do is stop thinking of the good times, good qualities, and things that make you miss him. Think about the other woman he slept with last night, think about all the times he didn't call or seem to care about you, think about how he said he didn't want to commit to your mind but he'd use your body just fine. "Drink that all day" Steve Harvey said lol
It sucks, I know. These cycles are hard to break and I understand it completely. You will stop when you're ready to stop, but know that it's never going to come easy. There will never be a "right" time. You just have to decide what you want.
I have been in this exact situation before so I can sympathize 100%. You already know the right thing to do, but it's hard to act on it. What finally got me over it was I met someone who treated me with a lot of respect. I knew before I met this other guy though that I needed to cut ties, but I was too weak to do it. I was still "seeing" the other guy and one night he tried to take advantage of me when I was too intoxicated to even move. That made me realize how big of an idiot I'd been to keep hanging around him when there was someone else who was so much better waiting. Hopefully you don't need some dramatic event to be able to pull yourself out of this cycle. The only advice I can offer is to tell him you're done and then be done. Delete his number and stop following him on social media. It'll be hard but you'll be so glad you got rid of him when someone who treats you like a queen comes around. You can message me if you want to talk about it more.
If you like him and you like being with him and you KNOW that he doesn't want anything serious, then I think it's fine to keep seeing him. If it really makes you happy to see him. Just know that eventually you will want more and just sleeping with him won't be enough. And then that will cause a lot of pain so you really have to think this through in the long term.
You need to dig down deep and figure out if that's really what u want because it seems like u are having case of wanting what u can't have and u might need to give him a taste of his own medicine and treat him how he treat you and u might grow to not like him or make him see your worth