Are women who have good jobs undesireable?

For all the complaining on here about how women always mooch, I am surprised at some of hte responses to this question: http://www.girlsaskguys.com/social-relationships/q1925605-why-are-so-many-women-supporting-more-men

Some of the guys saying women should forgo an education and higher paying jobs because it makes them less desirable to men.

I am a woman who makes more or just as much as a few of the guys I have dated in the past. I'm single now and am worried this is making it hard for me to find a guy.

So do guys really find it offensive if a woman has a decent job?

I worked really hard to get where I am. I am planning on buying a home, because I don't think I'll ever get married, so why wait? I wold like to get married and have kids, but apparently no man wants me now? Yet some guys complain about all women being gold diggers? But then reject women who have good jobs?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Being young means being inexperienced and being inexperienced means that you don't know many things very well including yourself. This creates a sense of fear and your basis for "knowledge" is simply "facts" passed on to you by others with many of those facts being rubbish. This site is a good example of that - teenagers answering life questions is something ridiculous.

    So, fear is based in ignorance and it is this ignorance and reliance on the opinions of others - so much so at times, that you don't think and formulate your own opinions but echo others.

    That is the problem with these "men" who have a difficult time if their woman makes more than them.

    Now, I will be honest, as a male, there is something disconcerting about it because the very role of a male besides providing sperm is to be the caretaker and protector of his family against the outside world. A man doesn't feel threatened by a well-off woman so much as he begins to feel unneeded and that is actually more upsetting. The thinking is "If you don't need us, then why would you stay with us - you will likely find another guy who can protect you better." This can be frightening to us because, deep down, more than sex, a man NEEDS to feel a sense of loyalty and security and that he can let his guard down with his woman. Fighting threats from the outside world is difficult enough so the last thing we want are threats at home... and a man who is in ignorant fear will feel insecure with a financially well-off woman because he feels he may lose her. Indeed, that instinctive fear may prevent us from getting into a relationship because we have that expectation of never being secure while we are in it.

    Of course, some men are adult enough and realize that they have to live with that fear but that it can be overcome with reason and recognizing that women are rising in status in society. Furthermore, a real adult man who understands love - real love - realizes that is a powerful bond to help secure the relationship no matter who makes the most money.

    Again, though, it is the fear of losing his woman that many a man might have a difficult time with a woman who is his financial equal or better.

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    • So then I guess I must ask: How do I make men feel needed if that is what it comes down to?

    • Show All
    • @alphadoggystyle "weaker mentally" LOL I see you've just enrolled in The School of Hard Knox. Good luck - it's a brutal course of study.

    • I have no doubt that men are stronger than women mentally. I have so much experience of this and this view gets reinforced by every day i see how women act online and in real life.

      You will probably respond with something like: you're only 26 you dont know anything, but il just ignore that since I dont need to prove anything here, I know what I know. Not saying you are unintelligent or anything, but i have met many seniors who where less knowledgable or intellectual than myself.

What Guys Said 19

  • Not in my eyes! That makes you more desirable. Love doesn't pay the bills! Life is pretty awesome with two good incomes!

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  • Your not looking at this with the right twist...

    It's not that the guys find you unattractive for earning your own money. It's that they doubt the commitment that any woman would show to a man that brings less to the relationship than she does.

    A gold digger wants only the money and nothing else in the relationship. Just the money.
    It is entirely normal for a woman to want a man every bit as successful as she is if not moreso.

    Given the common social assumption that men make more than women in a relationship (not universal, but common), it is understandable that the success a woman achieves sets the baseline for success she accepts in a man.

    The more successful you are, the fewer the number of men who can live up to that baseline.

    I understand that you are not making this requirement. It is guys who are placing this requirement on their own heads.

    What this means for you:
    You may not be able to sit back and wait for a guy to approach you. Instead, you may have to make the leap yourself. Not a hard and fast rule of course, but something to consider.

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  • 2 reasons, neither are universal. I'm speaking in generalizations, here.

    1) men naturally feel like they should be supporters. One way men always try to express their love is by providing. if she makes as much, or more than him? even if she doesn't make as much, but makes enough? HE DOESN'T FEEL NEEDED. One way guys prove their worth is by providing, and so if it seems she could get by without him, no matter how much she tells him she loves him, wants him, etc, he still feels as if his worth is gone, and that she doesn't need him anymore.
    nothing is quite as bad as feeling worthless.

    2) most women WILL NOT date down.
    again, not a universal thing. But studies have shown that the most common relationship issue single women who are doing well for themselves express is that there are no guys available WORTH THEIR TIME, because any guy not making more than them is a guy who is beneath their attention.

    Some guys don't mind being with a girl while not being the primary bread winner. Some women do not mind a guy who is less successful then they are, financially. But, in rough generalization of both of these things, this is why high wage earning women are a turn off for guys. we either don't feel needed, or we are openly considered to be not worth YOUR time. And tragically, in some men, either of those things can brew resentment.

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  • I'm dating a female who works as a software developer and has a bachelors degree in computer science

    It didn't stop me from dating her

    If you have a good job, it just means people will assume you're more picky, and are more likely assume you're not actually interested in them.

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  • I don't reject women who have good jobs. They do the rejecting.

    Work hard, that's always a plus. Except when you feel that your value to a man is somehow tied to your income. If you think what makes a man attractive to you is the same criteria that makes you attractive to men, that's where you'll see a disconnect.

    That link between income and appeal does not exist for men like it does for women. It just doesn't.

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  • Many men have fragile egos. Traditionally, society has always been structured around men doing most of the providing. So yeah, some guys are going to be intimidated or feel emasculated if they make significantly less than the girl they are dating. However, that doesn't mean that women with good jobs are undesirable. After all, men with even better jobs still get to feel like the bread winners. Some others will feel insecure, but many others will not.

    There are also quite a few women that think it's ridiculous that a woman would bother with a guy that makes quite a bit less. Or they are simply confused, ignoring the fact that money is not the only factor in relationships.

    Thankfully, equality is a thing today and roles are shifting and breaking. So feel proud of your standing in life right now and be yourself and don't make salary disparity an issue and it shouldn't be a major factor in relationship seeking.

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  • Loneliness has always been the main price for success.

    It's more relevant to women, however; generally, men want to take care of a woman. That's built-in protector's instinct.

    To put it really, really short: financially successful, independent woman basically has everything she needs, so even if she's genuinely happy over even the smallest gift that a man gives, a guy still will feel his actions aren't good enough / his gift isn't good enough / generally feels like he's useless to her.
    Besides, to be successful also means to be competitive; that leaves a mark of a woman and it will have a negative effect on relations.

    He will feel this woman doesn't require him, thus he will move on to another, more "weaker" and feminine woman.

    There's a price for everything. For women, a price for success is loneliness.

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  • Women who have good jobs aren't undesirable. Women who focus on their career more than on having a good romantic relationship and a family are though.

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  • when i see a female that has a good job its a turn on to me because i feel there's a better chance she isn't in to games and has goals in life. and also willing to work to meet those goals. if we have are looking for the same things then its easier to to there when there are two working at it. the biggest thing i like about someone with a good job is if something ever did happen to me (accidents happen every day) she would be able to take care of herself.

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  • I have a good job, with a good pay. My girlfriend has a good job with better pay. In fact, she makes 1.5 times more then me. This is a refreshing twist! I'm used to women, with no jobs wanting to be taken care of, and "oh, can you hire a maid to clean the house?". I'm sick of that while trying to save for a retirement when I'm 95.
    Some men are controlling and feel it there job to be a good provider, and leave there woman home barefoot and pregnant. What happened to equal rights, and feminism. I all for an equal partner.
    Sorry, not sure if I answered the question though.

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  • I don't see why a woman having a good job would be offensive? A marriage should be a team, not a competition. If a woman makes more than me, it doesn't bother me at all, and two incomes are better than one.

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  • Hell fuking no? Wth

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  • Do no men want you now, or are you ignoring men that do want you?

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  • nope.

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  • I like my women to have a good job, at the same time have time for a social life too,

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  • Of course they are desirable. If you have a great job that's awesome. I'd be more inclined to date you than someone with a bad job like being a stripper.

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  • It makes you more desirable. Reality of the matter is that most men do not care whether you're a waitress or a CEO. We are however acutely aware of how much many women care about us having a better job than they do in terms of pay.

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  • That was a stupid question to base anything from. What I took from it. A deadbeat man=any profession that makes less than her and is deemed unimportant. Note she listed her female friend who makes slightly more than minimum wage as not being a dead beat because she works with special education kids.

    It's not unattractive for a woman to make more. What is unattractive was her stance that a low to mid range salary equates to being a deadbeat.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Some guys will probably find the woman making more than him to be emasculating, hence finding such women to be 'undesirable'.

    The question you should ask yourself is if you'd even want to be with a guy who is only interested in being with you under the condition that he gets the upper-hand financially?

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    • "Some guys will probably find the woman making more than him to be emasculating, hence finding such women to be 'undesirable'."

      That's a true statement. I don't understand the concept to be honest. If she's making more money, good for her. I'd only feel "emasculated" if I'm leaching off of her income but so long I have my own income, I don't get why hers matters so much.

  • If a guy finds you successes and achievements unattractive, he is NOT someone you should be with. I cannot stress this enough.

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  • Just do your thing, at the end of your life you have to be able to look back and be proud of all you accomplished. You'll find someone who holds similar values to you and things will be hunky-dory. As a woman in medical school who owns a place I know I'll make more than most men (and I don't care if I make more than a guy I date), but medicine is what makes me happy on top of giving me stability and that is priceless. A man needs to love me for me, not what he thinks I should be. If someone comes along terrific, I would love a husband and family but a man needs to be secure with himself as a human being for that to work.

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  • from what i have seen, it makes u more desirable.

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  • I know I may seem young being under 18, however, I believe that sometimes men may find women with well-paying good jobs undesirable as women like these threaten a man at times. He may feel as though she is better off than him, and men usually like to take charge. Honey, beat the double standard. You can meet a guy who finds you desirable, and those who don't can fly a kite. You're a very independent woman!

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  • It's like we can't win - damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    I say do you. If you want a higher education and great career, I say go for it! There will be guys that find that ambition and dedication desirable. Other guys might be more traditional and want a stay at home wife/mom. Nothing wrong with either of those, but you can't be both. Unless you maybe work from home... but anyways, I say find a guy that is most compatible and understanding to you.

    I worked really hard on my education and career, and make quite a bit of money. I am usually the more established person in the relationship. It hasn't worked out yet for me, but I would like to find the guy understands this and works well with me.

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