Why do guys get hurt when a woman makes them wait, when she didn't make other guys wait?

I don't know if this is some kind of devaluation of the male ego or what, but some men seem to really hate the idea that a girl wouldn't immediately have sex with him, but let other guys do that previously. Why is this? If anything, it should be a compliment.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It is partly an ego thing but also it leads us to believe that your level of sexual desire was greater for the guys you slept with right away. I do think its common for girls to be pickier and have higher standards for casual sex but then lower their standards for relationships. So its like "youre not as hot or exciting as the guys I would have sex with right away but if you romance me for a while I'll give you a shot".

    I dont like the idea of a girl who is hard to get because I enjoy waiting for sex. The appeal is that if I wait for sex and finally get to sleep with her Ill feel special that Im one of a small number of people. However if I wait for sex for a girl who has slept around and had sex right away with other guys there's not much appeal to that situation.

    Rather than the "good girl who is bad just for you" its the opposite "the bad girl who turns good just for you". She was slutty and sexually foward with all those other guys and then suddenly becomes the "I like to take things slow" girl only when she meets you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You know, I asked a similar question about "born again virgins." Or basically, women who had sex, but now want to wait. Out of the twenty-odd men who responded, only three said that they'd be okay or somewhat okay.

    But the others gave me in-depth explanations on why not the newly turned celibate girl.

    Their reasons were:
    1. Her decision makes them question if they're good enough for her
    2. Puts her "pussy on a pedestal" and it isn't fair
    3. Shows that she's either insecure and\or indecisive, therefore not good girlfriend material
    4. She sounds irrational

    Do I agree with their logic? Not entirely, though I understand where they're coming from.

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    • Those responses just reek of selfishness. What if the girl actually sees the guy as relationship material, so she doesn't want to rush things, in case all he wants is sex, and she ends up getting hurt?

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    • Very true. I try to explain to people that just because its natural to have sex doesn't mean its healthy to have sex when ever you feel like it. I enjoy fried chicken, would it be a good thing if I ate it all the time indulging myself when ever I wanted? No. Same goes with sex yes its enjoyable and yes its not going to be damaging if you do it under certain circumstances but that doesn't mean their are no consequences for it. I do think schools should teach this in health classes. We have evolved to be much more descriminate in sex partners, that trait isn't going to just disappear because we invented birth control. We are still wired to be selective and monogmous.

    • It's not about just banging, she's unsure, she says that we should let time decide, bc there's many things that can change, that's why she's unsure, now i am really confused, do i wait for her, is it a good thing to wait, bc i will wait for her and someday maybe she will want to be with someone else, now this doesn't seem fair. So she doesn't wanna commit, and i want to, but does she not like me then? Is she saying it just to be friends hoping that i would find someone and go with her and she'll get free? Or does she really care about things changing with me? It's a horrible position.

What Guys Said 21

  • You should be perfectly happy to buy a new car with the basic package for $31,500.00 knowing full well that the last customer bought the same car with the leather interior, the upgraded stereo and the performance drive train for $23,900.00

    After all you WERE treated "differently" and "differently" is ALWAYS special.

    Economists call this phenomena "price discrimination". People can accept that no two tickets on an airplane to a given destination were sold at the same price. People are not so accomodating in interpersonal relationships.

    The question the guy asks of himself is "What is WRONG with me that I am treated this way?"

    www.hookingupsmart.com/.../

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    • The last question really sums it up. He obviously feels inferior, less because of that and alternatively if that isn't the problem, other doubts come up of why the girl was so easy to get laid beforehand.

      Also props to you for hookingupsmart. Good website, even though I dont agree with everything, its a lot of quality information.

    • I agree, HUS is a great site. I first heard of it because of you and have found lots of great info there. 👍

  • because its just bullshit. its like getting ripped off. you pay more and get less its just not worth it from an economic stand point. like why would it be a compliment? other men are good enough to have sex with and he he is not. its just complete nonsense.

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  • It's like a serial killer murdering 25 people, then when he is in prison he reforms and finds Jesus. Scouts honor, he will never kill again. Could he be legit? Yes. Could there be an angle? Absolutely. He could just be putting on an act for self-preservation. So when a man sees a woman who has slept with 20 guys at the drop of the hat, but all of sudden she wants to put on this, I'm a good girl act, I don't want to sleep with you just date, you naturally think she is just using you for other reasons. Maybe she wants a kid sitter, or to manipulate you for financial gain / convenience. If a woman doesn't want to have sex with you, you are generally just getting used and played. Especially if she used to fuck all these other dudes within 3 days of knowing them. I don't expect a woman to immediately have sex with me, but I'm not going to fall for some bullshit by a woman who never used to wait before, and now is trying to "date" me for one year or whatever before she wants to have sex.

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  • Because it's remarkably hypocritical.

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  • Well, that could be because in "general" it's never right to make anyone wait be it man or a woman, but then I know it depends on the situation also.

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  • It's an insult, not a compliment.
    You fuck just about anybody but the one you are supposedly caring about you have to "decide" whether he is worth fucking?

    Yeah ok, goodbye.

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  • there is sever reasons for this. the biggest reason i see is the guy assumed you were going to be an easy lay and when it didn't happen he was disappointed. some of the other reasons could be he wonders what other guys have that he doesn't that you make him wait to sleep with him. another thing he might be thinking is you dont trust him and in turn hurts him because he doesn't know what he did.

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  • It's not a compliment. I see no logic where that's a compliment. All it is is denying him something he wants. You are either purposefully denying him sex or you're not as attracted to him. Neither is a compliment and both are pretty insulting. Plus, being considered desirable by women makes you feel manly. Being the guy who waits makes a guy feel decidedly unmanly.

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    • Instead of just jumping his bones, she wants to get to know him as a person, she sees him as special instead of just a fling. A girl wanting to have sex with you is not the only way she can desire you...

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    • Okay, I admit that it's not a compliment. But I don't see it as bad as you guys are making it out to be. If she's making you wait, just forget about her and move on,

    • It is bad and I would move on. I'm not going through that again. Women like that aren't worth wasting time on.

  • wow... think about what you said.

    I've thought the same thing though, but its because I wanted to change and my Christian upbringing I suppose it ended up being insulting to her.

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  • I think guys take it personally, like we aren't "good enough" to sleep with right away. I know this probably isn't the case but it's probably why.

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  • Your boss (your teacher, your kids, etc.) gives the other employees, (students, other parent) gifts, but tells you, "Oh, I didn't get you anything because you're *special*"

    What *kind* of "special" are you?

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  • If a girl pulled that stunt with me, she is history.

    What she is saying is that she does not value him as much as some drunken bar hook up.

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  • Because it means she opens her legs quickly for a man who gives her tingles, but waits months for a truly nice guy who respects her and does the right thing. Tingles is being valued over logic.

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  • The question is like why are you punishing this guy, when you didn't punish the others? Why are you being this way to the nice guy again?

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    • What do you mean 'punish'?

    • You've been so giving to every other guy, just not the guy your with.

    • Lol I'm not in this situation myself.

      If you don't want to be 'punished' then find someone else to fuck.

  • Why would you make him wait? And why did you not do that with other guys?

    This only terms the guy that you are not attracted to him like you were at others and there why they get hurt..

    But really that really shallow they you would make him wait but not do the same to other guys... That's wrong.. You don't have a right to treat anyone like that

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    • And how the hell is that a compliment? It's clearly an insult...
      It's like telling us that "hey that they fit I nutmeg in bed with was hot enough but you are so you wait... Cause your are a ugly loser.."

      That's how we guys see it when you make us wait...

      It only ok for any girl to make anyone wait is she is a virgin... But if she had done that before then she has no right

  • Well yes but she's probably been hurt or used in the past by those other guys so she's being cautious and making him wait to see if he's really in it for her as a person or just for sex.

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  • It should be a compliment that she fucked someone else the same day as meeting them but wants me to wait for sex? Are you a troll?

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  • How it's a compliment?

    Is he an idiot to wait unlike other guys?

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  • It's not a compliment.
    It shows me that she clearly doesn't view sex as anything special since she slept with other guys so soon. Making me wait at that point just sounds hypocritical like she's only doing it to prove a point to herself.

    It's a compliment if she's said no to every other guy but she thinks I'm the one who she can see herself doing it with.

    Would you actually be happy if I had sex with all my other partners then told you yeah it's not happening?

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    • Sure, it would tell me that you see me as something other than just something to fuck.

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    • @simplyadorable it would be like telling an new girlfriend i treated the last girl really nice but we broke up so ill treat you like shit.

    • yeah that's what the question simply means @dudeman
      im referring to anon's op :)

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What Girls Said 2

  • The only type of guy who would get angry about a girl not giving them sex early is the wrong type of guy to date and probably someone you shouldn't consider in any way...

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    • well thats not the question she asked

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    • I never stated that. What I stated is women lie about it (which has been proven). The fact is she could have made a mistake, and kept making a mistake over and over and over until she find "the right guy" at which point their is a sudden and immediate transformation in her approach to things and her past actions have absolutely no bearing on her current or future ones. That is possible, its also not very likely. As women age they loose sex appeal, so then they suddenly change tactics realizing they can't sleep around like they use to because either their getting older and the biological clock is ticking or they can't compete as well with the younger more attractive girls. Again it may not be the case at all but it won't look that way to a guy. Also her "finding herself" required her to sleep around? I never needed to have sex with random women to explore my sexuality or find my self, didn't need to be in a threesome or expirment either, hence those looking more like excuses.

    • The other issue is no one is saying a woman cannot have sex with whom ever she wants when ever she wants. Their are no laws stopping her. What you are saying however, is that a man does not reserve the right to not want to be with that kind of woman. That is judgmental and it is hypocritical. He has every right to make that decision to be with or not to be with a woman who slept around, just as she had every right to make the decision to sleep around or not to sleep around. The anger comes from women lying about it or conviently ommiting it or being offended when asked about it. That is a sign of her not taking responsibility for her actions. If you make a choice people will respond to it, that is how we determine a persons character, through their actions. When women lie about it what that does is tell him she has no respect for him and that he is just a tool to her, when she demands he ignore her past, she is out right telling him he is a tool, his wants and needs don't matter.

  • cuz there's a disconnect. no one wants to feel like they r being treated differently in a negative sense esp nice guys who learn the previous partner was a bad boy. in reality, it could just be a genuine shift in values or a hesitance/trust issue cuz sex and bad experiences do emotionally change a lotta women so i guess she could make it clear in her actions and words that the change is genuine and unrelated to him as a person.

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    • But how would she do that? I am not disagreeing its just really hard to prove a change except with time and if he is invested in her it could backfire on him.

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    • fuck bitches get money. thats basically that. unless you know a women has been on a short leash her entire life then she's not to be trusted.

    • @dudeman whatev makes u happy, mate

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