GUYS: would you be offended if a woman/girl turned you down for a second date, but suggested a friend?

  • no, but I wouldn't go.
    42% (5)24% (7)29% (12)Vote
  • yes, but I'd still go on the date.
    17% (2)10% (3)12% (5)Vote
  • yes, I wouldn't go on the date.
    33% (4)34% (10)34% (14)Vote
  • no, I'd go out with the friend
    8% (1)32% (9)25% (10)Vote
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Most Helpful Guy

  • A first date (hell, the first few dates) are all about figuring out if the two of you are BOTH attracted to AND compatible with each other. Often, you're going to figure out that it just isn't going to work, and that's OKAY - it's a normal part of the process.

    But if in the process of getting to know you, she realizes that she has a friend that would be a much better match for you, why wouldn't you at least go on a date with her and see if she's right? It's a low-risk, high-reward situation. I'd appreciate it.

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What Guys Said 17

  • I would like to see a picture of the friend because even though it's not all about looks if I'm not attracted to her it's a waste of time for everybody.
    It depends on the way she does it if I'll get pissed off or not. If I feel like it's condescending or petty, or she's just saying it to make it easier to reject me, If I feel like the friend is someone who can't get a guy and I'm just getting pawned off on her then yes I'll be annoyed.
    But if it's really the case that she's a great girl and she thinks we would be a good match then I wouldn't mind at all. Just make sure that you don't mention both things in the same sentence. Make it clear that you're not interested no matter what and then bring it up as a separate thing.

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  • My first thought would be that she never liked me in the first place, and is in fact finding and screening guys to try and set her friend up with (who for whatever reason can't do so her self). Yes, I would be offended and no, I wouldn't want to go out with the friend.

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    • that sounds a bit far fetched. screening guys for another friend, I mean. but ok..

    • It is extremely common. My own mother admitted it was a tactic she used when she was younger - the pretty girl brings her less-attractive friend along with her and either directs attention from herself to the friend, or tells any guys 'I can't go home with you and leave my friend, have you go someone for her too?'

  • A little. Don't suggest a friend. That's no way for a relationship to start. Just hooking up with a friend of the person that you really wanted and on the other side no one wants to be the "second choice"

    I'd never date a girl if she went after my friend and when he rejected her he said she should go out with me.

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  • It's all about the reason why the friend is coming along.

    I'll be honest, I don't like this at all. A date is supposed to be a one-on-one intimate meeting, no chaperones.

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  • Hell no. That would make me feel like a charity case. I can see how someone might think they're helping but it's kind of an insult in my eyes. Thanks but no thanks.

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  • I wouldn't be offended, but I wouldn't go. I'd prefer to pick and choose myself.

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  • We might not be offended, but we know what the fuck you are doing. You're "parking" us close by in case you change your mind later. Your friend will ALWAYS have less sexual capital than you, so that you can "steal" us back from her later if you change your mind.

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    • this makes absolutely no sense.

    • Show All
    • And you sound like a coward who likes to ask questions but rebuke the answers they get. Then follow it up with ancient, empty shaming techniques.

      I'm sorry, sweetheart, this is the age after the internet. Men have learned to talk to each other now. Instead of the collective female intelligence going up against a bunch of individual men, you get to go up against collective male intelligence.

      We are entering a very bad age for women. We're starting to treat women with actual fairness, instead of unearned deference.

      And shaming techniques are losing their teeth.

    • ah, yes. clearly I was right, you are bitter and paranoid. poor thing.

  • Not offended but I'd kinda wonder... like, I'm not good enough for you to date but I'm ok for your friend? I might go out with your friend anyway assuming I had interest.

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    • why would you assume she thinks you're not good enough instead of just better for the friend?

    • Because she refused a second date... lol obviously there's something about me not good enough for her

    • Good point. I did make that assumption though.

  • i wouldn't be offended if you were up front about it. i would also want to know why you are trying to set me up with someone else when i like you.

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  • Thats a fantastic thing to do to a guys ego - assuming that the other girl isn't someone you are trying to fix

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    • I don't know what you mean by trying to fix?

    • Think along the lines of - you have a depressed froend who can't handle normal social settings, so you set her up with a guy to force her to change.

      It may be good for her, but guys can often see through it and feel used ocer the action.

      ... its rare for girls to do. Never happened to me

    • Huh, hope im not having a stroke.

      *over
      *friend

  • No I have matured above the level of getting offended.

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    • mmk. I'm not so sure maturity has anything to do with whether or not a person becomes offended by things

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    • true. but that has nothing to do with a person taking offence to things

    • Maturity is how you control yourself, when you can't control yourself you get offended easily.

  • No i would find that highly distasteful.

    I mean fair enough you have your reasons for not wanting to go on the date with the guy fair enough but suggesting your freind afterword would kinda be adding salt to the wound.

    It would be like if we did role reversal and I said no I do not want a second date, you would proaly at minimum a little upset and then i turn around and try to hook you up with my friend, which would cause you to feel rather annoyed or insulted at the least.

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    • wait, are you saying her trying to hook up with your friend after turning you down?

    • in short if you rejected a guy and then tried to hook them up with your friend then its a no no from me

  • I don't know. Depends. I'd have to meet the friend but I'd wonder what I did wrong on the first date and why does she think I'd be better for her friend?

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    • I doubt she'd suggest you for her friend if you did anything "wrong". shed probably just think the 2 of you would make a better fit.

    • Possibility although I'd still want to know why she doesn't want a second date

  • Depends on what the friend looks like

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  • I'd laugh at her and walk away.

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  • Flattered. However my ego won't ever allow me to interpret anything negatively. It is one of those impressive male-denial ego things. I'd just assume that for whatever reason (probably to save starving children or alike) she has to go abroad for a while but she realizes that a catch like myself would instantly find someone new and she has this friend who she really likes and would like to have a chance at someone as awesome as myself.

    That said, I'd decline. It is just poor taste. I dated her, not her friend.

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  • You know this kinda reminds me of situation I've been in. I suggested going out for lunch, and i was told twice to ask so and so she would go with you ask her. I don't know if it was to deflect me asking her (polite rejection or she's speaking for the other girl) see what I would say. I would start wondering if the 'other' girl liked me all along couldn't see it

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