28 and never had girlfriend - what else can I do?

I am already 28, and yet never had a gilfriend. I try to date for few years, but all the time girls start to ignore me very quickly, last one said that I'm creepy few days ago.
That's strange for me, as while I am introverted, I have good social skills and plenty of activities - I work as a college tutor, obtain second higher degree at the same time, volunteer for students with learning disabilities, and spend lots of time on social and political activism - grassroots campaigns, help for homeless and veterans. I also speak several languages, travel a lot and sometimes publish articles on historic topics.
I have many male friends, and some of women 40+, but again - I never had any luck with younger ones, and it devastates me. Good appearance doesn't help as well, so as confidence.
Really, don't know what to do - I tried everything from online dating to friends' assistance for years, with no result at all.
Because of this, I feel very lonley. Enough to think about suicie rather often.

Updates:
In several replies, my communication and social skills were questioned. Of course it's obvious assumption that problem is in them, and thus it's understandable. However, on my last birthday I got greetings from more than two hundred people, and I didn't remind any of them to do it :-)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • "I have good social skills"

    According to whom? Just being able to talk to people is not the same as having good social skills.

    Are you actually engaging? Do people thrive on your conversation topics and can't get enough of your company? Do you have charm? Charisma? Chutzpah, even?

    If you're a boring person to be around, women will not want to date you no matter how many hobbies you have or how successful you get. Sure, you'll get the usual gold diggers looking to make a quick buck, but romance wise you'll be unfulfilled.

    Since you've pretty much listed traits of a "catch", the only thing that's left is how you come across to people and your mates are doing a very poor job at being honest with you. Strangers on the internet will not be able to pinpoint what exactly is that's repelling women unless we could observe you in action.

    Ask for complete honesty in regards to how you carry yourself, because at the moment it seems your friends and family are just being nice. Nothing you say in written response is gonna matter here because how you perceive yourself is ENTIRELY different how others perceive you.

    You need honest tough love type 3rd party feedback.

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    • According to the fact that I'm often invited to be a speaker in various political and social clubs, to the fact that I have lots of friends for many years, to the fact that I successfully maintain positive relations with lots of people who I can't find friends, but need them in activist projects, and so on. In fact, much more people want to be around me than I'd like to have around, but unfortunately girls of my age are not among them.

    • Being a speaker doesn't necessarily mean women will find you engaging.

      What you've described is a leader, which in itself might be attractive, but doesn't guarantee romance. In fact, how romantic are you, really?

      So far you've been very serious in all your replies and pretty much painted a picture of perfection. Not a shred of humility.

      Have you considered that perhaps you come across as too serious and arrogant?

    • I am here not for humor, what I want ideally is to read replies, summarize them, probably then overview my problem from another sides, and maybe find some new solution or at least some new ideas which I didn't yet try.

      I can agree that maybe I am too serious, but I've seen even more serious people with girlfriends.

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is all well and good... BUT one thing that you DIDN'T mention,

    is how many women you approach in real life (online dating should not be something one spends a lot of time on in my opinion; not worth the investment cauz women are WAY pickier on there).

    Secondly, this introversion HAS to be BROKEN! We as males are the expendable sex, the "haves and have nots" sex, so u gotta get it together. Start being more talkative with social with people, and get out of your fucking head and stop fucking analyzing and dissecting the possible results of EVERY little thing you do. Be spontaneous, take risks.

    Socialize with women casually, don't overly press yourself to impress them or pressure yourself to "ask them out that moment". Talk casually, ask her name, if she doesn't have a wedding ring on, casually ask for her phone number like it's no big deal. A common thing I say is "I may never see you again so let me get your phone number".

    Trust me, this nonchalance type of attitude works, because in the woman's mind she will think that you have other feminine options for companionship lined up so that means you are "pussy approved".

    Whether or not you DO have other woman options available or not is none of her business, let her THINK you do. ;-)

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What Girls Said 10

  • First, if this has caused you to think about suicide quite often, you need to talk to someone. Call a hotline, get counseling (this would be best), anything. Do not kill yourself!!! You are young and have a whole life to live!! Secondly, since it is affecting you this much, maybe your issue lies with confidence and/or unintentional vibes of desperation. It's natural to take a confidence hit with something like this, and even if you don't realize it, you might come across as desperate. Your friends can't see how you interact with women in private. Even getting too excited about a date can turn some girls off. Sharing too much too soon, getting too deep or mushy or using pet names too fast, being intense, or telling them you've never had a girlfriend will all turn women off. It's really hard to dig deeper into this without more info. But I will say stop looking. That is when you meet someone. Get off the dating sites, stop thinking about it, stop looking. Do things you enjoy, hang out with friends, venture out of your comfort zone, have some adventures you never thought you'd do. Change up your home, rearrange furniture, add in different brighter colors, get a new haircut, but some new nicer clothing, changing up a few things and doing something new will boost your mood and help you out of an emotional rut. Maybe look into a life coach, they can help you add things into your life. Do different things and also reconnect with yourself. You have to love yourself first before someone else will. Get outdoors, take some Vit D, a multivitamin and Vit B complex, ask your dr if an anti depressant is right for you, go do some yoga, join cooking classes, get a personal trainer and start exersizing and eating better. Not just for your body, but for your confidence and mental health. Exersize boots feel good hormones in your brain, makes you more confident, boosts your immune system, lowers stress and anxiety, etc etc etc. This list goes on. Cutting out crap food and replacing it with healthy food has a big impact on your state of mind and on your body. Make goals, short term and long term and accomplish them. Fake it until you make it- fake confidence, walk with good posture, hold your head up high, make eye contact, smile, enjoy yourself and don't take things too seriously. After a while of faking it, your confidence will actually increase for real. Mix up your life and stop looking and stressing about it. It will happen

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    • Hotlines and psychologists are useless, believe me - I tried them in two countries.
      About stopping looking - I didn't look particularly between 20 and 26, and got no girls' interest at that time as well.

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    • Well no desire to continue to try to help yourself and better yourself isn't very attractive and isn't good for yourself. And neither is being negative and closed off to opinions and options. Just trying to help since you mentioned both. Giving up and quitting seeking out help will put you in a rut and might make you spiral. Take care of yourself, you're the only one who can

    • So you are saying it's not too late for him despite the fact he is almost 30 and never had a girlfriend?

  • Yeah, you're approaching 30 you have to get this together. If you don't you're in for a long and lonely life.
    I think young women tend to be a bit more picky than older women.
    I have a "old womans" mentality and find guys that are nerdy, quiet, or a bit introverted kind of fascinating or sexy.
    I am drawn to someone that is different.
    There's too many guys out there that act the same way.
    All I can say is, continue to put yourself out there.
    Have you ever thought about speed dating? or setting up an online profile?

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    • I have detailedonline profiles on okcupid and pof. Messaged like hundred of girls on each, got just a few replies and nothing worked out.

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    • So 20 being too old for not having had a girlfriend yet?

    • @moviedude714 median age of virginity loss in US is now 17, so yes, not having girlfriend after 20 is unusual and rare.

  • You just haven't met the right person i reckon. Need more information on the girls you met and why the recent said you're creepy. Feeling lonely and wanting to be in a relationship can make you look too keen and it sometimes scares women off. The less you look for it, the more likely it will happen to you. And be positive, a good attitude will attract people to find more about you :)

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    • I wasn't looking for a girl between 20 and 26 (though I had nothing against relations, and had active social life) - and result was I had none. Now I'm looking for one, and still none.
      Result is the same, no matter what I do.

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    • I don't see how matchmaker can be different from eharmony, or okcupid, or pof, or several other minor sites which I tried to use.
      I don't get replies on my messages on Tinder, though usually have 2-3 matches per month.

    • The less you look for it, sounds like a damned if you do, damned if you don't, because guys are still expected to be the ones that pursue and approach

  • You just wrote your job resume here but that has nothing to do with how attractive you are.

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    • It's your communication skills that is questionable.

    • I never had problems in maintaining good friendly relations with males and older women (somewhere 40+), in fact it's a significant part of my activism to maintain good relations with lots of various people. So it's not communications probably.

  • Keep trying and when a woman says yes and goes out on a date do this open her door paid to check after dinner or supper or whatever be the perfect gentleman and ask her about her and listen to her that's all women want an women don't like to be called girls u will find someone one day

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  • You should talk to someone who knows you, about it. You may be putting them off without realizing it somehow.

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    • I asked - both males and females. They have no idea.

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    • Do you want to reach out and talk to any of them?

    • No. They are very specific people who think that all problems that are not related to some physical objects or money are nonexistent.

  • you ound old before you time.. wht do u dress like as a tutor?

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  • gosh, will I have the same issue 7 years from now. lol

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    • Women rarely have such issue.

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    • Are you saying you have never had a boyfriend before?

    • @moviedude714 I was in a relationship before just didn't went well. and i am too young and na├»ve. lol

  • Maybe it is one of those things you shouldn't pursue with full force. Did she say why you were creepy? Perhaps you're coming on too strong.

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    • She had three messages on Facebook in three days from me, few days before planned dating.
      But it's not only about her. Usually girls just start to ignore me very quickly, say after first date.
      On the other hand, wives of some of my friends, who are more or less of my age, tell me I'm cool...

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    • Lol, what? Hypnotizing? :-) I wish there will be choice of most unique answer.

    • Listen, the art of hypnotism is a tricky one to master but i promise you the results are worth it. Give it a look some time. And thank you, ill take that as a compliment.

  • Woah! Almost 30 and nothing? I'm in a wheelchair and I even have a boyfriend maybe I just got lucky hehe

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What Guys Said 10

  • It's perfectly fine to be single, so what if you are 28? At least I don't see anything wrong with that. You shouldn't let people and society affect your life. I can understand how you must be feeling lonely and so on, but then if you are already trying there is nothing more that you can do.

    Trying to overdo things can also result in failure, if you are already trying then all you need is a little luck in your case may be you are having bad luck.

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  • Don't worry about it. Once you get that money rolling in, they will run to you. Just keep focusing on your career and invest for the future. Older women are easy quick lays.

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    • If I need only sex, there are plenty of whores around now. But I want to have real relations.

  • try guys

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  • You seem too desperate. People can sense desperation.

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    • If you'll prove it, you'll get a Nobel Prize - lots of money and free dinner in Stockholm. Try!

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    • Arrogance? You take it so hard when I bring up these negative aspects that I'm guessing.

    • Again, no.

  • are you ugly

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    • No. I think I'm slightly above average.

  • Be more open and get out there

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  • back trace your steps find out what made you guys break up. some girls are just mean dont let em down, and be a jollyful person

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  • Well wot can I say? I'm 24 and never had one either... I don't care at all... if they don't like me once I don't like 'em 10... I can always fuck hookers after all...

    So don't care about it... fuck 'em... don't think about 'em...

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  • Ya oh well, life is not fair so some people are gonna have a harder time in the human mating game

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    • Reason why is because I can sort of relate

  • I'd like to stick around to see what responses you get.

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    • Nothing useful, so don't waste your time...

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    • I mostly have now offline approaches, in college, that doesn't work as well. Girls like want to ignore me. Again - except few married ones of approximately my age, they often talk with me a lot, about different things, and seem to enjoy it, as they have completely no real reasons to do it elseways.

    • well I'm sorry to hear about your frustration. I would still like to stick around and see what responses you get in case anybody does say something worthwhile.

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