Since insecurities are generally seen as unattractive, should we hide them from our partner so as not to lose their attraction towards us?

If you've been on GAG long enough you probably notice people saying how unnattracive insecurities are when dating. a few claiming they are deal breakers even.

So should one hide these insecurities from their partner so as not to lose any attraction?

  • Yes, you should hide insecurities from your partner
    10% (6)12% (5)11% (11)Vote
  • no, you should not hide them
    60% (37)62% (25)61% (62)Vote
  • It depends on the insecurity
    30% (19)26% (10)28% (29)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe hiding insecurities can come off as being unauthentic/not genuine as an overall person. I believe insecurities can't be hidden anyways. The more you spend time with someone, the more they get to know you as an individual.. The more I believe it will assist the relationship, it will only make both people stronger for each other

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    • What insecurities are definite deal breakers for you?

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    • @loner1986 that's such a drastic thing to say, from someone you don't know, in any shape or form.

    • Plus my boyfriend is 35

Most Helpful Guy

  • Having them and being controlled by them are different. If you're insecure about something, they know you are and you still present yourself as a strong individual you're seen as more attractive. If you let them dictate how you feel and act, then that's unattractive. Sucks, but guys have less leeway on things like this than girls. You're supposed to be the emotional strong one and getting into a relationship doesn't mean she agreed for you to vomit your insecurities onto her.

    That's not to say she can't support you when you're down or consider your feelings. But if she has to worry about your feelings, she will not respect you as much as her man. That's not something she can control either, because it's an innate attraction

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    • Basically, if there's an area of your life you're not happy with you have to be working to improve that. If there's something you physically can't control, like your height. You need to accept it and own it. End of story.

What Girls Said 26

  • I don't think anyone should hide insecurities from their partner, especially in an effort that they don't 'lose any attraction'.

    Everyone has them, including myself. My insecurities are part of what make me who I am. If my boyfriend can't accept that I act certain ways or require a little bit more affection/understanding from him in certain contexts because a handful of things leave me more doubtful of him due to similarities with my ex who cheated on me or craving more affection/cuddles than usual in moments of weakness, that doesn't bode well for the duration of the relationship being genuinely happy in my opinion.

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    • But don't insecurities turn you off? make you want to leave?

    • no, of course not. I'd be worried if my boyfriend never shared his insecurities with me. There's a fine line between 99% of what you say being your concerns and simply sharing a few of the more significant ones when appropriate.
      We all have them; you're fooling nobody if you act like you don't.

  • Nah. I think my insecurities helped make me closer to my partner because we were able to start working on them together and he was able to find the right thing to do or say to help me fight them off a little. His insecurities - very few of them because he's an arrogant sod :P - endeared him to me a little too, it kinda showed there was something deeper beyond his cocky, confident front. So it's not great to unload all of the bad stuff on a new partner but when you've got an emotional connection to them, you're totally alright to share.

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  • Everyone has insecurities. Part of being in a relationship is dealing with those insecurities together with your loved one and becoming a better person. I don't you need to hide it from your partner. It just shouldn't influence the relationship negatively and if it does it needs to be dealt with.

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    • But don't insecurities turn you off? make you want to leave?

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    • why are insecurities so unattractive to people you think?

    • Maybe they have unrealistic expectations of how relationships and people.

  • I'll tell sour green apple... I am fat do you still like me? I am watch too much teen romantic do you still like me? I am going to therapy do you still like me? I can't cook... do you still like me? I cry sometimes when watching movies about love! Do you still like me! hahah! And when he thinks a girls pretty... I ask do you want me to go since I am not as pretty? lol I tell him I am pretty much a loser... Do you still like me? haha Yet I think he see the real me without the bullshit lol! hahah <3

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  • depends on how long you've been dating, the extent of the issue, and how much you trust your partner.

    for example, i didn't come out and say, "fyi, i have an anxiety disorder and horrible panic attacks" on our first date. but i knew that the issue would eventually have an effect on our relationship, and so i was honest with him once things started to get serious.

    (to this day, he's the only person who has ever been able to talk me down from a bad panic attack. but the meds i'm on are starting to work and, even on days when i feel like an unlovable aberration, it's comforting to remember that he loves me anyway.)

    that said, if it's something like, "i look fat in this dress", keep it to yourself.

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    • What are insecurities that are definite deal breakers for you?

    • "everyone likes you better" -my ex (i took a genuine interest in people, whereas he used them when it was convenient for him)

      also, fishing-for-compliments types (a size 2 girls saying "i'm so fat"), or "nice" guys who blame women for all of their problems/can't take rejection (for example, a guy says "you're cute, what's your number" and, when i don't give it to him says, "you're a bitch and you're obviously fake if you can't take such a basic next step".)

      the second actually happened to me when i started dating online. i was like, dude, i don't know you from a hole in the wall, and you're obviously insecure a. f. if you feel the need to take it (me taking my personal safety seriously) as some sort of personal attack.

      /tangent.

      -von

  • lol no, take it or leave it, bitch!

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  • no... real love is being attracted in spite of present flaws and insecurities. attraction that only favours good things is not love.

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  • Be open. But understand that there's a limit to what your partner and do to help you and what's fair to put on them.

    There's a limit. If it's to the point where the insecure person needs professional help, get that if possible, because partners are not emotional dumpsters.

    Sorry if this is harsh, I've just been through a lot where my partners used me as a psychiatrist and had unrealistic expectations, and it only makes the relationship worse and the person never gets to feel better.

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  • Having and showing insecurities shows that you are human and down to earth... Why hide that?

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  • Your insecurities are a part of who you are. If someone sees it as a deal breaker because it's "unattractive," then I guarantee you don't really want to be with them anyway. Find someone who will accept all of you, not just the "attractive" parts.

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  • Dont hide your insecurities. Thats like hiding yourself. Have a conversation with your partner about what you feel insecure about and work together to improve them.

    Im can get extrememly insecure about myself sometimes and my boyfriend knows that all too well. Its not something I hide from him. If anything, he's the only person I actually feel comfortable in telling all my insecurities to. He reasures me all the time and I know it gets annoying sometimes. he's my rock and I love him for that.

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  • I don't think we should hide them because it's impossible. It happens subconsciously. The thing is whether we express it annoyingly to the point where it irritates our partner, or we share it professionally. I have had an ex who was insecure about him being jobless after he lost his job. I said nothing about it. In fact, I gave him support but his insecurity seemed to lead our relationship to fall when he dragged his emotion and pressure till it affect us.

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  • I feel like there is no real way to hide insecurities. They have a way of showing themselves. I also don't think you should put them on display either. I guess you should just let them show themselves naturally? I mean everyone has them. Some are just more extreme than others.

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  • it's fine if they know what we're insecure about.. but we shouldn't talk about them again and again... that'd probably annoy anyone..

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    • Maybe talking about them would be annoying, but insecurities are not something someone can just get over in a day

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    • like what? whats something you think would be annoying?

    • I have insecurities as well.. we all do.. but anything insecure that is being discussed too much in our convo can annoy me..

  • Conventional wisdom says yes you should. But remember, everyone has insecurities it's how you deal with him that counts.

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  • Everyone has insecurities. The right person will stay with the other. I know I overlooked things before because I cared for him.

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  • Nice question☆☆☆☆☆ I chose the It Depends option. I don't mind sharing things like "I'm worried I might not get that job." I'm not going to pull them into "Am I too fat? Too old? Is she prettier than me?" That's disgusting insecurity. If he is giving me reasons to feel that way, I need to break it off with him, not argue about my worth as a woman.

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  • I think it's always good to be honest with eachother but sometimes it's best to be so honest further on in the relationship when you feel 100% comfortable with one another. Like when I'm honest about my insecurities, it does seem to scare a lot of guys away.

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  • Never hide your insecurities. In fact own up to them. Just don't allow them to prevent you from doing what you want to do. Dont let them run your life, and sit there, complain, do nothing, allowing it fester. I think that is what is truly unnatractive.

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  • No, this is your partner. They should be able to see every single side of you and accept you for who you are. Isn't is much harder hiding something from someone all the time instead of letting them see and know who you are? :)

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  • If it's an insecurity they can help you with, don't hide it.

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    • But if they can't then do hide it?

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    • whats an example of an insecurity you can't help?

    • It's 3am I haven't got a single idea right now lol

  • I have the insecurities that I'm not good enough - because I think this I can sense it change how I behave. I hate it and want it to change. I try and hide it but sometimes it's hard and my head gets the better of me

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  • You should never hide anything from your partner at all. You have to be 100% open with them.

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    • But don't insecurities turn you off? make you want to leave?

    • Not really. Unless that person is nothing but insecurities and talks about how crappy they are 24/7. That kind of negativity really gets you down after a point.

  • Vulnerability is attractive to men not women, at least not in large quantities. Women want a man they can rely on emotionally.

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  • Insecurities do not make anyone unattractive! The most insecure are usually the prettiest girls that think they are ugly!

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  • Maye hide them initially, like until after you've been on a few dates. But if I'm getting to know a guy better, telling me his insecurites makes me feel more "in touch" with him because I have insecurities of my own

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What Guys Said 16

  • I dont see how it would benefit me in any way to open up about insecurities. They would either judge me, lose respect for me, become less attracted to me, use them against me in future arguments, or at best maybe give me phony sounding complements in an attempt to help me get over them. Regardless, none of those options really helps me so I think its better to just handle them internally.

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  • Depends on the stage of the relationship, the longer you've been together, and the stronger the feelings, the less you need to hide. Though even then, there'll be some people that will lose attraction.
    It's a tricky situation, though if you think about it, it's a good idea to be open about it, cause the girl that sticks with you even after knowing, is the right girl for you (or guy).

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  • shouldn't hide insecurities we should work to overcome them. hiding them will only serve to sublimate them but the simple fact is they will rear their ugly heads at some point.

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  • If you can't trust your insecurities to the one person you should trust the most, then who can you trust them with? Everyone has insecurities, and a good partner knows to be understanding, if not encouraging to try and get over these insecurities.

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  • As guys in the dating world , we get WAY less leeway for emotional vulnerability than women do.

    So Yes, hide your insecurities until you are months into the relationship; once u firmly have her emotionally and sexually attracted to you, THEN slowly share your insecurities.

    ---

    Us men don't make up the rules, we just play to the rules of the gatekeepers (women). 😁

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  • Nah but we need to learn to accept them. Accepting yourself even if you recognize that these insecurities can sometimes be changed is imperative. Even if you know you have flaws and shortcomings you also have to realize the person you're with isn't perfect either. We just can't let our insecurities turn us into a turtle trapped in itself instead of going out and experiencing the world.

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  • I always saw this as a dilemma -
    You hide your insecurities and you're gonna have communication issues.
    You don't hide them and you'll be seen as less attractive.
    Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

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  • Nah, when I have insecurities, I do my best to face them. Or at the very least even if I can't overcome them, I'm honest to my partner about it. Nothing good is gonna come off it, if you hide it.

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  • You'll eventually slip up no matter how big your mask is. It's better that they are seen and that they know what they are getting into... Not all insecurities are deal breakers. A persons pros and cons are usually weighted and considered based on personal preference. No one is perfect... A person can also improve themselves over time. If you make them aware of were they are week, they may strive to become stronger.

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  • It helps if you just don't have them, but if you do, at least don't let it bog your relation down, or don't make it the primary conversation topic on a first date

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  • Depends really on the insecurity... if overly anything prob best to leave that alone until a later time in the relationship

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  • I bury my insecurities so deep deep inside even I can't see them. I am gonna grow up into a fucked up person xD

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  • Its best to hide it and not make urself vulnerable if u dont wanna lose the dream of yo gurl cuz insecurities turned dem babez off than the other way around

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  • Yes. Hide them.

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  • No no no, you can't hide your insecurities, silly. You aren't allowed to HAVE them. Period.

    - every girl I've ever asked

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  • Yes, you should hide them until you have a solid relationship

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