My boyfriend is 31 he has never met his dad because his mom hid him from him his whole life. His mom was a bad mother so he has not talked to her since he was 18. He has a job at a statup where he works from home. He gets to pick his own work hours. He moved to this city two years ago. He told me he had a tough childhood and basically supported himself his whole life. He went to college at 24 and got his degree. Since moving to this city two years ago he has yet to buy a car. He could prob use braces. I know all these thins sound harsh and superficial but should I assume he is a loser? I really like him but I'm worried because I come from a wealthy family. I don't want my family to think I'm dating a bum.
An update we have been dating two years. I policies if the comment sounds terrible. My family is worried because he proposed and I said yes I love him but I'm just worried they seem to think he won't be able to support me
Wow, that sounds really cold when you think it's about someone you love and have been dating for two years, and has proposed to you.
He has only moved into that town two years ago and works at home. He can't probably afford a car yet, but it doesn't seem like he needs one now either.
Rather than him being a loser, if you're asking us if you should marry him, the answer lies in you: are you prepared to make sacrifices in order to be with him? Work together in order to build a better life for yourselves and future family? Do you love him enough to accept his faults?
Maybe he's not the son-in-law most parents would dream of but, from your description, there's nothing wrong with him per se (no alcohol, no drugs or other vices?). Just understand he probably needs someone he can trust and who is a resilient person like himself. He thinks that person might be you.
If he doesn't measure up to your high standards or you feel him to be an embarrassment to you then by all means break it off. My standards so happen to be set by me and not my family or my friends. If any of the afore mentioned doesn't like who I'm with so be it , I won't take my SO around them and they can avoid coming to my home
This guy has real grit and character, and survived against all odds. You, on the other hand, wouldn't know a problem if it bit you on the ass. Sorry if that sounds harsh. Have you ever been to jail? Have you ever not had access to food? Do you know what it's like not to be loved by anyone?
Why does your family care if he can support you? You can support yourself. You come from money, right? Are you capable of working and supporting yourself? Why does your family expect HIM to support you when they KNOW you come from money and he doesn't? He's more likely to CREATE WEALTH than someone who works a 9 to 5er, or was born into money.
Then you gotta ask yourself, what happens when the dollar collapses? Who are you gonna want then? Someone with lots of green toilet paper and kindling? Or someone who knows how to survive in difficult situations? Our society is living on borrowed time and it's going away soon.
It sounds to me like your parents are doing what all parents do. They are not considering what you want -- not in the slightest. They are wanting FOR you and injecting their own biases and demons onto you. All they can think about is money, which is why they're probably wealthy in the first place. You should audit their relationship. How much substance is there? And how POLITICAL is it?
So he has supported himself his entire life, and he has a college degree? That sounds like motivation, and ambition rather then being a looser. Now one of the things that help people get along in life is the ability to separate needs from wants, sounds like he is sticking to his needs, rather then his wants such as a car, if he doesn't need it, and would rather save his money for other things then he is building a future rather than living in the moment. As to what your family thinks, that really comes down to how they view wealth and opportunity, if they see hard work and accomplishment as positive traits then you're probably going to get a good review from them, if, on the other hand your family rates on appearances, and possessions then... Much of this is the difference between "established money" and "neuvo rich" and also how rich we're talking about. If your family is well established old money, then you might have some issues, if they are first or second generation wealthy you're probably good, and if it's more snooty upper middle class then they certainly aren't going to understand.
You should immediately breakup cause he deserves so so much better...
Why the fuck do you care what your family thinks of him? He has a troubled childhood so he if a loser? He is yes to but a car he is a loser? Why the fuck are you even with him if you think about your boyfriend like that?
Like really? Seriously let him go... He detected a real women... And not a gold digger like you
No, but you seem to be one. Why should it matter if he doesn't have a car or braces? If he doesn't have any other family, why should he need a car especially if he has a bike or two feet/legs? I guess your "wealthy family" turned you into a loser because of certain preferences? Wait, no. That's just you that did that.
1) Fuck what your family thinks. In the end it'll be you and him. 2) Nowadays both partners have to work to support each other, unless you make a LOT of money. 3) He sounds like a guy who's been through a lot and came out the other end. He sounds like the exact opposite of a loser. Sounds like in my opinion you coming from a rich background have skewed views about what a "loser" is, and what's important in a relationship. 4) A lot of people who live in cities don't own cars depending on the public transportation available. If he teeth are fucked up talk to him about it? Teeth can be fixed. Don't force him or keep bringing it up though. 5) and this one is really important... Fuck what your family thinks... What do YOU think?
Well , you are the loser , he has succeeded even for his bad life with his parents , he is a guy that every girl wish for so , I hate girls when they say they come from a shirt family or something like this
You think he's a loser because he needs braces, broke away from his mum who was a bad influence, went to college and has a decent job where he has flexible hours and can work from home? At least he has a job and is trying to make a better life for himself.
Of course ANYONE would be worried about support b/c it usually comes from Family, a corporation that continues to promote/give raises, church, social networking... and he's fishing in the lottery pond... that many win ala Apple startups did.
Since you have accepted marriage (a good sign for him compared of living together) it's YOU that has to balance his lottery venture with income job that provides retirement, health & vacation days to both in order to insure his success. It's not enough to believe in him, you have to support his efforts in case of poor weather, economics, competition, war, whatever!
He's not a loser. He can't help the circumstances he was put in. He seems to have done a pretty good job at building himself a good life despite his hardships. Don't be so hard on him just because you've had it a little easier.
Sounds like your guy has achieved a lot from nothing and you're worried your family will look down on him, which shows you already do.
Even if he had managed less, if you're not proud of him for who he is then you're with the wrong guy. Be fair to this guy and let him go find someone who is proud of who he is and loves his buck teeth while you look for someone more fitting of your exacting standards (just hopefully they're less critical of you).
He sounds like someone who's been through a lot and has picked himself up and started as best he could with the shitty tools that life gave him. He should be commended, not beat down. You should marry him if you love him but please don't bring him more misery. If you're unhappy, end things. Please don't be so superficial about it.
I think a loser is someone who has no ambition and is content with the lower levels of mediocrity. I think this guy is honestly trying to improve himself and probably has goals to be able to be a good husband and support you. So no I don't believe that is loserish at all
So what he has a job. So what he supported himself most of his life. So what he has a degree. So what he lives in the city and probably doesn't need a car, especially since he works from home. SO WHAT! He needs braces which automatically makes him a loser. Dump him. And then date a dentist.
He's definitely not a loser. It sounds like he has done his best to move forward in life.
Nah, he has a job and a degree. He's had a rough childhood and is supporting himself. He sounds very self sufficient. I'm sure at some point he might want a car but if he uses a bike or the bus-that's not an issue. I think you're being too hard on him. You don't know what it's like to have everything not handed to you. Unless he's not motivated to do better or not motivated for anything in general, I don't think he's a loser.
Umm, no. Your boyfriend does not sound like a loser to me. He has had a tough past and despite that, he's an independent person. However, you sound sort of superficial since you only seem to care about the fact that he does not own a car.
obviously you think so negative about him... so why are you with him. Dont hurt the poor guy. Besides you shouldn't judge him about his family not everybody gets the chance to be born into a wealthy family. ( I dont mean to be rude)