Is my boyfriend a loser?

My boyfriend is 31 he has never met his dad because his mom hid him from him his whole life. His mom was a bad mother so he has not talked to her since he was 18. He has a job at a statup where he works from home. He gets to pick his own work hours. He moved to this city two years ago. He told me he had a tough childhood and basically supported himself his whole life. He went to college at 24 and got his degree. Since moving to this city two years ago he has yet to buy a car. He could prob use braces. I know all these thins sound harsh and superficial but should I assume he is a loser? I really like him but I'm worried because I come from a wealthy family. I don't want my family to think I'm dating a bum.

Updates:
An update we have been dating two years. I policies if the comment sounds terrible. My family is worried because he proposed and I said yes I love him but I'm just worried they seem to think he won't be able to support me

1|1
21|21

Most Helpful Guy

  • Are you kidding me? Please, leave him. He's gone through a lot, and overcome a lot, you're just gonna ruin everything he has achieved.

    I'm pretty sure you're much loser than him, since you come from a wealthy family and have had everything since you were born, unlike him.

    10|9
    0|0
    • +1 , he strruggled through life , got education , supported him self in life ,
      she = lucky to be born in a rich family , , guess who is the bigger looser

    • This is so funny man lol

Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, that sounds really cold when you think it's about someone you love and have been dating for two years, and has proposed to you.

    He has only moved into that town two years ago and works at home. He can't probably afford a car yet, but it doesn't seem like he needs one now either.

    Rather than him being a loser, if you're asking us if you should marry him, the answer lies in you: are you prepared to make sacrifices in order to be with him? Work together in order to build a better life for yourselves and future family? Do you love him enough to accept his faults?

    Maybe he's not the son-in-law most parents would dream of but, from your description, there's nothing wrong with him per se (no alcohol, no drugs or other vices?).
    Just understand he probably needs someone he can trust and who is a resilient person like himself. He thinks that person might be you.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Also, if he went to college at 24, don't know which degree, but he has probably only finished at around 28. His professional life is only starting and perhaps he was paying for student loans and such until now.

What Guys Said 20

  • You're 25-29 and worried about what your family thinks? I don't want to reply harshly but he is not the loser here. C'mon the guy has dug himself out of the dirt, cut him some slack!

    7|4
    0|0
  • If he doesn't measure up to your high standards or you feel him to be an embarrassment to you then by all means break it off. My standards so happen to be set by me and not my family or my friends. If any of the afore mentioned doesn't like who I'm with so be it , I won't take my SO around them and they can avoid coming to my home

    2|0
    0|0
  • This guy has real grit and character, and survived against all odds. You, on the other hand, wouldn't know a problem if it bit you on the ass. Sorry if that sounds harsh. Have you ever been to jail? Have you ever not had access to food? Do you know what it's like not to be loved by anyone?

    Why does your family care if he can support you? You can support yourself. You come from money, right? Are you capable of working and supporting yourself? Why does your family expect HIM to support you when they KNOW you come from money and he doesn't? He's more likely to CREATE WEALTH than someone who works a 9 to 5er, or was born into money.

    Then you gotta ask yourself, what happens when the dollar collapses? Who are you gonna want then? Someone with lots of green toilet paper and kindling? Or someone who knows how to survive in difficult situations? Our society is living on borrowed time and it's going away soon.

    It sounds to me like your parents are doing what all parents do. They are not considering what you want -- not in the slightest. They are wanting FOR you and injecting their own biases and demons onto you. All they can think about is money, which is why they're probably wealthy in the first place. You should audit their relationship. How much substance is there? And how POLITICAL is it?

    3|0
    0|0
  • so him getting his degree and surviving a shitty childhood, moving out on his own, getting a job on his own is equivalent to a bum?

    holy fuck your standards lol.

    2|1
    0|0
  • So he has supported himself his entire life, and he has a college degree? That sounds like motivation, and ambition rather then being a looser. Now one of the things that help people get along in life is the ability to separate needs from wants, sounds like he is sticking to his needs, rather then his wants such as a car, if he doesn't need it, and would rather save his money for other things then he is building a future rather than living in the moment. As to what your family thinks, that really comes down to how they view wealth and opportunity, if they see hard work and accomplishment as positive traits then you're probably going to get a good review from them, if, on the other hand your family rates on appearances, and possessions then... Much of this is the difference between "established money" and "neuvo rich" and also how rich we're talking about. If your family is well established old money, then you might have some issues, if they are first or second generation wealthy you're probably good, and if it's more snooty upper middle class then they certainly aren't going to understand.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You deserve a fart on the face

    3|2
    0|0
  • the fact that you have to ask this makes me wonder if you really should be with him. i wouldn't like it if my girlfriend talked like this about me behind my back. even if it's online.

    Value loyalty above all else.

    2|3
    0|0
  • Woww you are such a shallow women..

    You should immediately breakup cause he deserves so so much better...

    Why the fuck do you care what your family thinks of him?
    He has a troubled childhood so he if a loser? He is yes to but a car he is a loser? Why the fuck are you even with him if you think about your boyfriend like that?

    Like really? Seriously let him go... He detected a real women... And not a gold digger like you

    1|1
    0|0
  • If he went to college on his own at 24 I would say he's not a bum. He's got a jib so he's not a bum. Is he doing well? You don't say how much he makes.

    0|2
    0|0
  • No, but you seem to be one. Why should it matter if he doesn't have a car or braces? If he doesn't have any other family, why should he need a car especially if he has a bike or two feet/legs? I guess your "wealthy family" turned you into a loser because of certain preferences? Wait, no. That's just you that did that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Are you kidding me?
    If you didn't make the update, I'd think this was a troll

    He came out of a shitty childhood, got his degree, supports himself and works from home.

    If anything he's a warrior, conquering what a lot of people would end up junkies trying to get out of. He doesn't need someone who constantly questions him and his stability

    You're a spoiled brat, and your family is uppity as fuck. Screw them and their superiority complex. He's not gonna become your ATM, so leave him now

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hahaha 😂😂😂 sounds like true love right there 😂😂😂

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1) Fuck what your family thinks. In the end it'll be you and him.
    2) Nowadays both partners have to work to support each other, unless you make a LOT of money.
    3) He sounds like a guy who's been through a lot and came out the other end. He sounds like the exact opposite of a loser. Sounds like in my opinion you coming from a rich background have skewed views about what a "loser" is, and what's important in a relationship.
    4) A lot of people who live in cities don't own cars depending on the public transportation available. If he teeth are fucked up talk to him about it? Teeth can be fixed. Don't force him or keep bringing it up though.
    5) and this one is really important... Fuck what your family thinks... What do YOU think?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd be very disappointed to be dating you if I were him. What he's done sounds impressive if anything.

    1|0
    0|0
  • U need to make ur own decisions ur family isn'tdating him u are. and if ur saying all u care about is money and appearance then ur the loser cuz he has enough pride to say hhe's proud to be who he is

    0|1
    0|0
  • No, he is not a loser

    1|0
    0|0
  • Well , you are the loser , he has succeeded even for his bad life with his parents , he is a guy that every girl wish for so , I hate girls when they say they come from a shirt family or something like this

    0|0
    0|0
  • a little late to think about this after 2 years in my opion

    0|0
    0|0
  • He is.

    0|0
    0|0

1 private opinion(s)
Only the asker and the opinion owner can see it. Learn more

What Girls Said 20

  • You think he's a loser because he needs braces, broke away from his mum who was a bad influence, went to college and has a decent job where he has flexible hours and can work from home? At least he has a job and is trying to make a better life for himself.

    7|5
    0|0
  • He sounds like he has his shit together.

    You, however, sound like a snot.

    8|6
    0|0
  • Of course ANYONE would be worried about support b/c it usually comes from Family, a corporation that continues to promote/give raises, church, social networking... and he's fishing in the lottery pond... that many win ala Apple startups did.

    Since you have accepted marriage (a good sign for him compared of living together) it's YOU that has to balance his lottery venture with income job that provides retirement, health & vacation days to both in order to insure his success. It's not enough to believe in him, you have to support his efforts in case of poor weather, economics, competition, war, whatever!

    0|0
    0|0
  • He's not a loser. He can't help the circumstances he was put in. He seems to have done a pretty good job at building himself a good life despite his hardships. Don't be so hard on him just because you've had it a little easier.

    1|3
    0|0
  • You need a new boyfriend.

    Sounds like your guy has achieved a lot from nothing and you're worried your family will look down on him, which shows you already do.

    Even if he had managed less, if you're not proud of him for who he is then you're with the wrong guy. Be fair to this guy and let him go find someone who is proud of who he is and loves his buck teeth while you look for someone more fitting of your exacting standards (just hopefully they're less critical of you).

    2|0
    0|0
  • He's a college grad working at a startup firm. How is any of that a "bum"?

    1|4
    0|0
  • Well you support yourself, not him. And he should support himself. As long as both of you can sustain your own lives, what does it matter what he makes?

    Lots of young people don't have cars, especially in the city where the free transit is so good.

    And to say he needs braces is very rude.

    It sounds like your boyfriend is a hardworking man who has come through a lot.

    You sound like a bad girlfriend who needs to break away from snooty mommy and daddy.

    1|0
    0|0
  • He sounds like a pretty great guy who has overcome a lot and has a good life now.
    Definitely not a loser.

    2|2
    0|0
  • He sounds like someone who's been through a lot and has picked himself up and started as best he could with the shitty tools that life gave him. He should be commended, not beat down. You should marry him if you love him but please don't bring him more misery. If you're unhappy, end things. Please don't be so superficial about it.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think a loser is someone who has no ambition and is content with the lower levels of mediocrity. I think this guy is honestly trying to improve himself and probably has goals to be able to be a good husband and support you. So no I don't believe that is loserish at all

    1|1
    0|0
    • That's right. You don't get to pick your starting position, but you can choose which direction you go.

  • So what he has a job. So what he supported himself most of his life. So what he has a degree. So what he lives in the city and probably doesn't need a car, especially since he works from home. SO WHAT! He needs braces which automatically makes him a loser. Dump him. And then date a dentist.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Wtf you're rude. Where did you get loser from

    2|2
    0|0
  • Maybe you're the loser. He had to actually work for the shit he has and you were born rich. That doesn't make you better.

    1|0
    0|0
  • What part of that would make him a bum?

    1|0
    0|0
  • Because he had a tough childhood, he's a loser? Wow

    0|0
    0|0
  • He's definitely not a loser. It sounds like he has done his best to move forward in life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nah, he has a job and a degree. He's had a rough childhood and is supporting himself. He sounds very self sufficient. I'm sure at some point he might want a car but if he uses a bike or the bus-that's not an issue. I think you're being too hard on him. You don't know what it's like to have everything not handed to you. Unless he's not motivated to do better or not motivated for anything in general, I don't think he's a loser.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Umm, no. Your boyfriend does not sound like a loser to me. He has had a tough past and despite that, he's an independent person.
    However, you sound sort of superficial since you only seem to care about the fact that he does not own a car.

    1|1
    0|0
  • obviously you think so negative about him... so why are you with him. Dont hurt the poor guy. Besides you shouldn't judge him about his family not everybody gets the chance to be born into a wealthy family. ( I dont mean to be rude)

    1|1
    0|0
    • "( I dont mean to be rude)"
      It's okay, she needs to see the disgust this kind of attitude invokes in people who have to work for a living.

  • *I don't want my family to think I'm dating a bum* Oh dear lord...
    I hope he wakes up and realize that he is dating a spoiled brat who probably had it all easy and believes whoever didn't is a loser

    2|4
    0|0
Loading...