This girl enjoys talking about how great she is at certain things, and whenever she has a chance to "one-up" me, she takes it. If I ran 5 miles, she ran 10 miles. If I type 75 WPM, she types 140 WPM. Even if she loses at say, a Pokemon match, she still believes she is superior.
She literally challenged me to arm wrestling and of course, lost. She still felt strong.
Thats fine by me. That attitude can be appealing. However, she claims to be totally submissive. Therefore, I make sure to assert my strengths so she doesn't win. Because if I lose, she might think less of me.
She also likes to tell people what to do, which she can't do to me because I'm a bit smarter and have a stronger personality.
Lately we've been communicating less and less. And I wonder if it's because she's given up. I don't care who wins these pissing contests, as long as she's happy with me.
Should I tank it and let her feel good about herself? Should I lay down and let her walk all over me so she can feel comfortable again?
Most Helpful Girl
I think you already know almost everything about this girl. Every possible option.
Being socially submissive appeases no one, regardless of gender.
You are mistaking showing love that is your emotional weakness with submissiveness.
A girl either emotionally understands you, in which case she will understand your emotional weakness that's like an open wound, and then when you two make the connection she will take care of the wound every night with tender affection, or she doesn't understand you.
If she understands that weakness, your love, that means she shares the same wound with you and seeks the same cure, that means she is on the same level of consciousness as you.
You usually don't need to even actively show your weakness, you are weak in front of each other and know it intuitively. And actually knowing this weakness and caring for each other, you help each other to become and always stay socially dominant. That is love.
If she doesn't understand you, she is not on the same level of consciousness as you, even if her body is full of wounds, like it might be the case for this particular girl.
Anything else except that understanding shows nothing about the long term connection between two people.
I wanted to talk a little more out of context, but I won't do it here.
I think you want her to understand you, understand your love, your weakness, but you don't know how to do it. Because you can't see an intuitive connection from her side. You wish there was, but you are disappointed. So you make this mistake that maybe you are sending the wrong signals and as a result breaking the relationship. And you think by showing actual weakness she might get the signal.
That is a completely and utterly wrong thought. Signaling your love to a person who understands you is actually through "trying to" to stay powerful. why? Because if you love someone you are automatically weak in front of her and vice versa. The more you love the weaker you are, and the weaker you are the more you try to stay powerful.
Your problem "isn't" in signaling your love. You have no problem. In fact you signal your love perfectly. The problem is in her receiver if she's not getting the signal.
What's needed here is a girl with the same exact weakness with an understanding of your love.
And like I said, she also might be getting the signal. in fact she is 100% getting your signal.
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Most Helpful Guy
I don't believe so. Well, anything is possible. But if a girl is bossy and likes touting herself, she wants a stronger man--generally--who can handle her. There are very women who like to be dominant, and ones that appear to be dominant just want a more dominant man to be submissive to.
It's really an up or down scenario. I have no way to know without knowing the girl. Perhaps there's a reason she's so competitive. Could be her parents or adolescence starting some insecurity where someone told her she wasn't as good as the boys and never would be, so she overcompensates to prove she is? Possibility. If she does this with all the boys, but not the girls, then that's very possible.
I think you should examine whether or not she's this way with others, as well. Along with her general attitude towards you. If she shows signs that she enjoys your company and likes you, then you can get rid of the possibility that she's trying to one up you as a means of dominance or superiority.
It could also be that she's trying to demonstrate her value to you in contrast to other women. If this were true, she wouldn't do this with other guys, but would get more competitive around women.
If she really is dominant, then whatever you do don't directly challenge her. I mean, games and competitions are cool. You could test it. If she demands you do something, then tell her no. If she's alpha or dominant, then she will go pretty crazy: a fight will start. If she's submissive, then she'll probably ask why or plead. Her voice will give it away too. If she loses edge to her voice after you say no, then she's submissive. If it remains the same, then a fight will start if you go head-to-head.
So. I say test if she really is submissive or dominant. But heads with her. If she hits back, she's dominant. If she's submissive, she'll cave. This would require subtlety, of course. Don't want to start a big fight.
In any case. Human behavior is very complicated and convoluted. There are so many different variables, it's impossible for me to really determine which she is based on this small description. G'luck in any case. Hope maybe something here is of use.
Of course, it could mean absolutely nothing, and she just has a narcissistic personality disorder.1