Would being socially submissive appease a girl that is typically bossy and likes touting herself?

This girl enjoys talking about how great she is at certain things, and whenever she has a chance to "one-up" me, she takes it. If I ran 5 miles, she ran 10 miles. If I type 75 WPM, she types 140 WPM. Even if she loses at say, a Pokemon match, she still believes she is superior.

She literally challenged me to arm wrestling and of course, lost. She still felt strong.

Thats fine by me. That attitude can be appealing. However, she claims to be totally submissive. Therefore, I make sure to assert my strengths so she doesn't win. Because if I lose, she might think less of me.

She also likes to tell people what to do, which she can't do to me because I'm a bit smarter and have a stronger personality.

Lately we've been communicating less and less. And I wonder if it's because she's given up. I don't care who wins these pissing contests, as long as she's happy with me.

Should I tank it and let her feel good about herself? Should I lay down and let her walk all over me so she can feel comfortable again?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you already know almost everything about this girl. Every possible option.

    Being socially submissive appeases no one, regardless of gender.

    You are mistaking showing love that is your emotional weakness with submissiveness.

    A girl either emotionally understands you, in which case she will understand your emotional weakness that's like an open wound, and then when you two make the connection she will take care of the wound every night with tender affection, or she doesn't understand you.

    If she understands that weakness, your love, that means she shares the same wound with you and seeks the same cure, that means she is on the same level of consciousness as you.
    You usually don't need to even actively show your weakness, you are weak in front of each other and know it intuitively. And actually knowing this weakness and caring for each other, you help each other to become and always stay socially dominant. That is love.

    If she doesn't understand you, she is not on the same level of consciousness as you, even if her body is full of wounds, like it might be the case for this particular girl.

    Anything else except that understanding shows nothing about the long term connection between two people.

    I wanted to talk a little more out of context, but I won't do it here.

    I think you want her to understand you, understand your love, your weakness, but you don't know how to do it. Because you can't see an intuitive connection from her side. You wish there was, but you are disappointed. So you make this mistake that maybe you are sending the wrong signals and as a result breaking the relationship. And you think by showing actual weakness she might get the signal.

    That is a completely and utterly wrong thought. Signaling your love to a person who understands you is actually through "trying to" to stay powerful. why? Because if you love someone you are automatically weak in front of her and vice versa. The more you love the weaker you are, and the weaker you are the more you try to stay powerful.

    Your problem "isn't" in signaling your love. You have no problem. In fact you signal your love perfectly. The problem is in her receiver if she's not getting the signal.

    What's needed here is a girl with the same exact weakness with an understanding of your love.

    And like I said, she also might be getting the signal. in fact she is 100% getting your signal.

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    • I could kiss you right now, I mean the air around your cheek as a greeting, like an old fashioned Brit.

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    • uhum. Though I didn't mean just day dreaming about it. I mean real thinking. real analysing. real observation and examining. scepticism not optimism.

    • That's an issue. My past has made it difficult to scope out the reality of marriage, since long ago I determined myself unfit to even pass on my genes, let alone find a fulfilling relationship. There's a block making it difficult to map out.

      I always thought that the material aspect can revolve around love in its truest form, although that's wishful thinking. That's where I begin to get bitter about being a man and her a woman. She can always find a wealthy man to take care of her material desires. I cannot dream of a wealthy woman saving me from my strife.

      That thought process makes me bitter, and that bitterness makes life not worth living.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't believe so. Well, anything is possible. But if a girl is bossy and likes touting herself, she wants a stronger man--generally--who can handle her. There are very women who like to be dominant, and ones that appear to be dominant just want a more dominant man to be submissive to.

    It's really an up or down scenario. I have no way to know without knowing the girl. Perhaps there's a reason she's so competitive. Could be her parents or adolescence starting some insecurity where someone told her she wasn't as good as the boys and never would be, so she overcompensates to prove she is? Possibility. If she does this with all the boys, but not the girls, then that's very possible.

    I think you should examine whether or not she's this way with others, as well. Along with her general attitude towards you. If she shows signs that she enjoys your company and likes you, then you can get rid of the possibility that she's trying to one up you as a means of dominance or superiority.

    It could also be that she's trying to demonstrate her value to you in contrast to other women. If this were true, she wouldn't do this with other guys, but would get more competitive around women.

    If she really is dominant, then whatever you do don't directly challenge her. I mean, games and competitions are cool. You could test it. If she demands you do something, then tell her no. If she's alpha or dominant, then she will go pretty crazy: a fight will start. If she's submissive, then she'll probably ask why or plead. Her voice will give it away too. If she loses edge to her voice after you say no, then she's submissive. If it remains the same, then a fight will start if you go head-to-head.

    So. I say test if she really is submissive or dominant. But heads with her. If she hits back, she's dominant. If she's submissive, she'll cave. This would require subtlety, of course. Don't want to start a big fight.

    In any case. Human behavior is very complicated and convoluted. There are so many different variables, it's impossible for me to really determine which she is based on this small description. G'luck in any case. Hope maybe something here is of use.

    Of course, it could mean absolutely nothing, and she just has a narcissistic personality disorder.

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    • You're accurate in your assertions. Smart guy.

      Her father did force her to compete with the boys at a very young age. And she does tend to cave rather than confront.

      Even with this knowledge in hand, she could be a narcissist. She has a high sense of entitlement and actively seeks the attention of others as if to build a network of constant approval.

      They could all be related, maybe not. The consensus here is to remain dominant.

    • Cool. I think that's the best move, based on what you've said. Remaining dominant could also mean initiating more communication.

What Girls Said 2

  • No. Sometimes women feel like they have to compete with men, but really we want to know that you're stronger, faster and fitter than us. And we don't mind know you're smarter

    She asked you arm wrestle because there's something attractive about feeling a guy is stronger than you. Kinda like play wrestling. Especially if she claims to be submissive

    If anything I'd the opposite of backing down

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    • How would he prove that he is better even though she still thinks she is when she loses.

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    • @ArchDruidMordred as @Rawrzz implied, I don't believe she really thinks that, she's just teasing him, maybe hoping he'll show confidence or something.
      Like what he said "she rolled up her sleeves and showed her arms to me" the way I see it, she wanted him to show her his arms. Kinda like "I show you mine, you show me yours" type of thing. And I'm not sure you guys are aware of it, but women find arms attractive. We just haven't advertised it as much as you guys boobs or butts, so it seems harmless

    • Your insight is unique. That hasn't crossed my mind at all.

  • This already sounds completely unhealthy.

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What Guys Said 8

  • No girls like that want an even stronger guy than they are to submit to.

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  • No being submissive is not at all what she wants. It sounds like she really enjoys being your rival. If anything challenging her would bring her back. Being submissive towards her would remove the challenge you are to her.

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  • Girls like that want to be made a bitch.

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  • Yes, some women find submissive men appealing.

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  • She sounds horrible
    It's in your best interest to end it. She seems like she has a superiority complex. She says she's submissive to let your guard down

    Try tanking a few and notice her reaction. If she starts talking down to you, it just confirms it

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    • Maybe it's worth an experiment when things are settled down more. Things are in limbo. It seems the consensus is to remain dominant.

  • Nope.

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  • Honestly? Since she claims to be totally submissive I think she just wants you to lay her over your lap and give her a good spanking. Then you can tell her what a good girl she is and how there's just no one else who's red butt would look quite as tempting.

    Entirely plausible she's the submissive type who wants to be number two in the world, she just needs you to show her you're number one.

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  • No from the few girls whom I've seen they like a guy that will challenge them.

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