I am a 25 year old female and he is 30. We were seeing each other for about two months, things were going well for the most part until I noticed him becoming distant.
So about a month ago I asked why he was being so distant and at first he wasn’t getting straight to the point, until I had to probe him a bit more and he said he didn’t think we would be anything more than friends.
I just accepted this and went on my merry way (thinking back I should have questioned it, but I was quite hurt). To me it sounded like he was friendzoning me. He asked if I still wanted to talk to him and I said i didn’t mind. Occasionally he still checked in with me and that was that.
A couple of days ago I decided to ask him why he friendzoned me and he said he wouldn’t call it friendzoning.
He said he wanted to do more than kissing and he felt things were going down the same road as the last two girls he dated (both happened to be Virgins too except they were waiting for marriage). He said he didn’t think it was fair to put me in this situation. He said he had thought about it a lot and believed he had made the right decision. He asked why it had taken me so long to ask. I told him I thought I had an idea why he ended things, so I didn’t feel like I needed confirmation.
He said he’s still around if I ever need a hug or shoulder to cry on. I laughed and said that’s what people say when they are friendzoning you. He went on to say he was still attracted to me and generally speaking hugs lead to more, but if you don’t get more then it’s frustrating.
After that we just had a light hearted conversation about life and he has made contact since and flirted with me here and there. I just honestly feel confused by this conversation as the days go by..
What are your thoughts?
Most Helpful Guy
What else is there to say. A woman has the right to "wait til marriage" or wait a ridiculously long time to have sex. but it is the guys right not to wait around until she finally wakes up and wants to. I find it really hilarious as I can guarentee 99.9% of women that wait until marriage or wait until their 20's will look back in 20 years and want to kick their own ass. but women won't hear it. They put sex up on this pedestal that is just insane. Sex is sex. yes it can be an expression of love, but it can also just be a good time.
I am finding it ironic since when guys hit their 40-50's the sex drive goes down (yes, I know not all). but women hit their prime. So now that I have to unfortunately date after 25 years with my ex wife, women want sex all the time and I just don't. I guess this is how women felt back when I was a teenager lol... only I think women have the drive but are so messed up on their unreasonable view of sex, they try not to have it.
You have to ask yourself if your really willing to lose out on many possible men just to wait for marriage when most likely your going to get a divorce later on. All of us that are divorced said "it won't be me". But one person cannot keep a marriage together, or I would still be married.
re-evaluate. If your interested in getting down and dirty, sounds like the door is still open with him.1
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Most Helpful Girl
He clearly wants to still have sex with you. There are a couple of possibilities here.
1. He isn't having sex yet so he's moving on to someone who will sleep with him. This means he was never ready for a relationship in the first place.
2. He doesn't want the responsibility of sleeping with a virgin. Trust me, people get all weird and clingy with the first person they have sex with. This is normal. He prob doesn't want to deal with it.
3. He wants to have sex but doesn't want to date you. He wants to be friends with benefits but not boyfriend and girlfriend. He thinks you can't handle friends with benefits.
The bottom line is that he wants to have sex with you but does NOT want to date you and he knows that virginity is a big deal. He knows that things will get complicated if you have sex and guys usually don't like messy relationships. I say that you should find someone else. If he still wants you he'll come back to you eventually. Esp if he sees that he lost a great girl.1