Boyfriend is starting to say small things that bother me?

So just on Thursday I was at work at my job which is hot topic. I was wearing jeans and my net top and a green bra since it was saint Patrick's day... I got off of work and went to his place and he got really snippy about my outfit saying "they let you wear that at hot topic" and stuff about how I looked like a stripper or Hooker... It never bothered him before on how I dressed when we were just friends with benefits... So why is he being so mean about it now... I feel like in ways he's trying to change who I am... This is basically what I was wearing except it was a green bra no hat and my hair is blond nowBoyfriend  is starting to to say small things that bother me?

Updates:
I get this is a "trashy" look I'm not looking for opinions on the look.

I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY my boyfriend was so hostile in his wording and why he said what he did when HE NEVER cared before.

I don't DRESS this way everyday. Its ONCE in a blue moon.
I dont want rude comments I get the concept of what he was saying I'm trying to understand why someone you are dating would say something so mean and rude.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • eh, its hot topic. he knows its that kind of store, he knew that going in. if he can't handle it, why stay with you? (why would you stay with him?)

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    • Thats why I'm stumped. It NEVER bothered him before. I dress in the outfit once in a blue moon I've worn the top maybe 3 times out of the 7 months I've had

    • like i said, its just something you need to think about

    • thanks for BA. what did you eventually decide about it

Most Helpful Girl

  • When you were just friends with benefits, he probably didn't care about other guys. But now that you're together, he's obviously "worried" about how other guys see you and how you present yourself to them.
    I personally wouldn't be caught dead in a top like that. Looks like lingerie, something you'd only wear in the bedroom. Inappropriate to wear in public in my opinion. But you work at hot topic so no surprise there, really...
    Take his views into consideration, but ultimately it's your choice to dress however you want.

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    • Its still amazes me he'd say I looked like a stripper when I'm his girlfriend and I've worntthe top so little times I can count it on one hand for the 7 months I've had it.

    • Yes, that was tactless and rude. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who says stuff like that.

What Guys Said 16

  • Simple. When you were friends with benefits, it was just sex. Now that you're in a relationship, he is invested emotionally with you. You can hurt him emotionally - he's given you that power by opening his emotions up to you - and he's jealous and afraid that if guys see you dressed that way, that they'll hit on you and think they can get with you. And, just maybe, one of those guys will be REALLY confident and attractive to you, and you'll cheat on him.

    He's not used to feeling emotionally vulnerable, and he's scared, and this is his way of "playing defense" - by doing what (little) he can to keep guys from hitting on you - or feeling bold enough to do so. He realizes that guys see girls dressed this way in a more sexual way, and that they're often "easy (er)" to get sex from than a girl who, say, looks like a Mormon girl on the way back from Bible Study.

    In other words, he's insecure. He needs to be reassured by you that you dress like that because of style and to feel confident about yourself, and NOT because you want some other guy. Tell him why you chose him, and that you want ONLY him, and it wouldn't matter if you went to work naked; that wouldn't change.

    It's really not about your clothes, it's about him not wanting to be hurt.

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  • If my girlfriend wore that, I would feel deeply uncomfortable.
    Now, I'm a big supporter of "a person can wear w/e they want." But if you were my girlfriend, you wouldn't be just some "person" you'd be my girlfriend.

    I wouldn't want the whole world looking at my girl's fun bits. Do I have the right to tell her she can't wear that? Fuck no! Do I have a right to be upset if she does wear it? Not really... Is it completely understandable if I did get upset? Absolutely. I might not rightly have a say in it, but I wouldn't want every guy who walks by to be gawking at my girl, eye fucking the shit out of them. That makes me feel yucky.

    But it's like I said. It makes me feel yucky. And although I'd hope my girlfriend would at least try to be understanding and at least sensitive to my feelings, if she decides she's gunna wear something like that, then I just have to live with that. B/c that's just it. It's not about what I want for her body. My feelings should matter, but it's really up to her.

    In short, what I'm saying is it is wrong for him to get all pissy and treat you bad for this. But the emotions behind such behavior likely stem from his desire for guys to keep their damn hands (or more accurately eyes) off of you.

    It may perhaps even come from a fear of losing you or insecurity on his part. Although IF this is the case, it's probably on a deep, perhaps even subconscious level.

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  • You said he didn't mention it before when you were just friends with benefits. He might not have cared as much then. If this isn't a look you haven often, it possible he hasn't seen you in that kind of clothing since you started dating. He likely cares about you in a different way now and he might be feeling a little jealous because you two are exclusive and he doesn't want you showing off like that.

    I'm not saying it's acceptable for him to call you things like that, but that is probably where those feelings are coming from and why it's a new development.

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    • Okay thank you. and thank you for actually reading the whole thing instead of jumping to the conclusion that I always dress this way

    • No problem.

      I get the feeling he don't usually say mean things like that to you. If this is more of an isolated incident, I would recommend you talk to him about it. Ask him what he was feeling an why he decided to say those things to you. At the very least just talk about it in some capacity. This could be an opportunity for you two to get a better understanding of how you feel instead of causing a conflict that will drive you apart.

    • It totally threw me off. It was the first time and I didn't know how to come across it I said that it upset me and pointed out it never bothered him before and then I was really quiet.

  • He was probably mean or upset because many guys will get turned on and try to approach something romantic or sexual with you based on seeing your body like that and those potential guys may also think you're trying to draw their interest by wearing those clothes. Also your boyfriend may also think you want attention from other guys based on wearing clothes that will draw a lot of sexual interest.

    "I feel like in ways he's trying to change who I am..." Is wearing a bra in public part of who you are? If it is, is wearing a bra in public important? Most guys that sincerely want to committed to a girl wouldn't like their girlfriend sending the signals those clothes can send to other guys. Most guys in a 'friends with benefits' situation with you aren't as interest in other guys flirting with you.

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  • Well that looks quite see-through, I definitely wouldn't wear it on the streets. Then again, if I thought your style is so questionable, I wouldn't be dating you.

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    • I didn't wear it on the streets I wore it at my job which is hot topic

  • You should never let anyone change you, be it anyone doesn't matter.

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    • It just hurts that he said that instead of "hey can you not dress that way again" I have only dressed this way once since we were official and he made me feel so shitty like it made me question everything and I'm normally wearing just tank tops and jeans... I feel like if I don't dress the way he normally likes girls that he'll just keep saying mean things...

  • Coz he cares about you that's why. It's not hard to figure out. I'd be angry as well if my girlfriend was intentionally dressing provocatively to get attention. It causes trouble. You end up with some clown trying to come on to you and then you go whining to him and he feels it's necessary to go and fight the guy for you whilst sit back looking like the cat that got the cream. Women cause a lot of trouble in this world and when the trouble pushes back they look to others to sort it for them. That's why men get angry. We've got the presence of mind to think ahead. Women don't, they just jump in head first coz there's never any consequences for them.

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    • I wear a Jacket or sweat shirt over this until I get to work and then again the jacket and sweatshirt go over it before I leave if inwear this top.

    • You work alone in a basement?

  • What the hell is hot topic anyway?

    Also, you've transitioned from being friends with benefits to actual dating and you're asking why he might mind the way you dress? If he gives a damn about you, he would mind. You're his girlfriend now. He probably could have been nicer about it, but I get where he's coming from. It doesn't matter what you wear until you get to your work, you're still dressed like that AT work.

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  • Well not to shame buy you kind of do look like one...

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    • I know I show a lot of skin but I see nothing wrong supporting my store and dressing the way I'm comfortable. I'm more so pointing out the fact of the matter MY boyfriend didn't care before hand and now he's saying I looked like a stripper/Hooker instead of saying "hey I'd appreciate it if you didn't dress that way"

      I have been around strippers by the way and they DO NOT dress like this... Do some yes but not all. I dress this way once in a blue moon

    • Perhaps he was concerned that HIS girlfriend went around looking like that, which in turn would reflect on him, ie his choice in the type of girls he dated.

    • He knew what he was getting into and I wear a coat over the outfit till I get to work.

  • ... yeah, that is kind of slutty/stripperish.

    difference is, when you're friends with benefits with a girl, you're just banging her. When you're dating her, there's possessiveness and emotional attachment and you are putting a lot more emotional value on her.

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  • People seem a little sanitised if they call that trashy, edgy sure.

    Anyway, the reason he cares so much now is that you are girlfriend material and not friends with benefits. No guy wants their girlfriend to be seen negatively.

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  • First you look fine, hot but not like a stripper/hooker. Sexy. It does sound like he's trying to change you and some guys are like this. Dump him I'd say. He changes how he is or you'll have nothing more to do with him.

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  • Maybe boyfriend he was upset over something else and then got more pissed when he saw your TRASHY outfit

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  • You look fine in your piccy. It sounds like the "friends with benefits" has changed but not for you. Seems like he is now wanting more. What you have experienced is his move to take control. This is classic psychopathic behaviour. Get out now, think yourself lucky and walk. If you leave it much longer, walk will be run. GO NOW.

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  • Maybe he's insecure?

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  • He never cared before because you weren't for him
    Now he cares because you are his girlfriend.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Well he's probably just jealous you showed so much skin. That's no excuse but I can see where he's coming from. You just gotta talk to him about it, tell him you're unhappy and he's making you feel bad about yourself with the comments on your clothing. But keep an open mind and try to see where he's coming from. Maybe he just doesn't want people seeing all of that when you're his.

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    • That makes sense and I normally am covered up and not looking like this so when he started saying I loomed like that it was my I nd boggling because he never said a thing before

    • Then he's probably only saying it cause you don't usually dress that way and it bothers him. If I had a girlfriend who dressed that way every now and then I'd get jealous asf but I wouldn't call her a hooker. He was probably expressing his opinion in a negative way cause he didn't know how to say it correctly.

    • Thank you

  • Because you're official now, he cares about whether other guys are hitting on you and is probably worried, especially since you've got a job in a popular place like hot topic.

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  • You're literally dressed like the girls that work the corners. I think he was just finally being honest with himself.

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    • I'm looking for why my boyfriend said what he did when it never bothered him before I dress like this once in a blue moon.

    • I wrote two sentences. Try reading the bottom one or just ask him yourself.

  • Thats a trashy outfit. But it is annoying when guys nitpick. Still I wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit.

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    • Again I only wear this AT hot topic when I work on occasion and when I used to work at a club

    • I get it sometimes you have to wear stuff for your job. I wouldn't really even classify it as "sexy"... it's revealing but it seems more fashion forward than anything. Calling you a hooker was obnoxious too. When guys criticize the way I talk or dress I wanna punch them

    • I don't like people enough to dress this way a lot cause i hate getting talked to but I dress in hot topics clothing for fun and I do like some of their clothes the top was a random buy one get one 50% off and it worked for selling drinks at the club

  • Im sorry girl but that shirt looks very trashy with only a bra. It makes you look cheap.

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    • I wear it once in a blue moon. My point is HE never cared or said anything before and the only time I wear it is AT my job.

  • I understand where he is coming from, the top is a little revealing. Still, it's not nice of him to call you a hooker and it's not up to him to decide how you dress. Talk this through, both have a point.

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    • I get his point b uh t I don't like the Hooker part... I don't even care for the top or the outfit it's what he said I looked liked..

    • Tell him you don't want him to call you that anymore, you have the right to be mad. People shouldn't call their partner degrading names even when they feel like said partner makes bad choices.

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