My old crush now wants to date after I lost 100lbs?

4 years ago I was 206lbs and my crush and I were good friends and I asked him out and he said I was a nice girl but he wasn't interested and so about 2 years ago I started losing weight and have lost 100lbs and he saw me on social media and we've been messaging and now he wants to date. My girlfriends say I shouldn't date him (insert 'Marilyn Monroe' quote), but I talked to one of my guy friends about it and he told me everyone has a preference whether race, height, weight etc and that he's probably not a bad person and to give him a chance.
Is it a bad sign that he rejected me before when I was bigger?


1|0
27|18

Most Helpful Guy

  • Congrats on your weight loss.

    This is not surprising.

    It's also not surprising if it bothers you. Most of us are totally neurotic about 'why' people like us. Like on some level we think they should be madly in love with us and super attracted to us based on just us being super special snowflakes. They shouldn't care about anything we do. If they like us because we're nice, we're like 'oh so if i didn't do nice things for you, you wouldn't like me'. If they like our bodies, they just see us as sex objects, if they like our accomplishments, they only like us for that. It's basically nuts. You know who loves us just for who we are? Hopefully our parents.

    Would my wife be with me if i were dumb and short? Probably not. It's how it goes.

    206 lbs vs. 106 lbs is a huge difference. Huge. It's not at all surprising it would shift someone's view on whether they'd date you. Maybe it bothers you too much, and someone new, you can pretend they would have dated you anyway.

    But i'd give it a shot. He was always polite, you always got along, and now he finds you hot as well.

    Enjoy your new body.

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • I dont think he is a bad person

    And it is natural that hed feel more physically attracted to you now. He clearly already liked your personality, since you were friends.

    And if he wasn't rude or hurtful in what he said when he rejected you the 1st time, then why not give it a chance?

    Anyone that says he is being shallow is a hypocrite. Even if you like someone's personality a lot, you also have to have the least bit of attraction towards their physique, in order to be romantically involved.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Its just simple logic. A lot of people here are saying you shouldn't. All I am seeing here is his point of view and how your guy friend seems to make a lot of sense.

    • Show All
    • All good and we're just friends now haha thanks 😊

    • ah ok

      Well. good luck to u both

What Guys Said 17

  • can you honestly blame him for wanting to date you now?

    you look totally different, and for the better I assume.

    its not a theory, a lot of guys don't like overweight girls. thats more of a fact. you shed the weight, congratu-fucking-lations by the way, cause that is an awesome accomplishment, and he is now attracted to you and wants to date you. what is so bad about that? are people telling you that he is a douchebag because he wasn't attracted to you while you were overweight before? and that if he couldn't find you attractive before but does now then he shouldn't be have anything to do with you? cause if thats what they're saying, I gotta tell you, thats fucking bullshit. shit happens, if you like im still then go for it.

    1|0
    0|0
  • First off, well done.

    Secondly, it's not a bad sign it's just natural. You kinda have to be attracted to someone to want to date them.

    4|2
    0|0
    • @MoonlitSonata yup well said my friend,, I got a friend I met she's so nice and I like talking to her but she's a little heavy... and would date her but jst not attracted to her like that... if she lost weight I'd def giv her a chance :)

  • First off, congrats on your weight loss. That isn't easy for many people. It's easy to be angry and first reaction see him as superficial, but everyone has preferences and that shouldn't be a strike against him. You probably are going to see many more guys interested in you since you are more sexually attractive. It's natural, would you consider them jerks too? It really is reasonable in my opinion.
    Good luck!

    0|0
    0|0
  • I suggest you go out with him. He was very kind in turning you down before and that speaks volumes to his character. Men are very visual and some men, me included, just won't go for a large woman. You clearly have your act together. Go get him!

    0|0
    0|0
  • He has a preference... boo hoo. Don't tell me there isn't even one appearance trait that would make you turn down a guy? The only time appearance doesn't matter is when you're already in love. But considering that you can fall in love multiple times in your life, surely you can be a bit pickier while you're not yet in love with anyone.

    0|1
    0|0
  • do what you want! If you want to date him then date him. If not then don't. I have dated women I have dated women that at one point I thought were ugly, but then saw them as the most beautiful women later on. Opinions and perceptions change. If you like him then date him if not then don't

    1|0
    0|0
  • Fuck him, tell him to take a hike. Never crawl back to anyone who didn't wanted when you didn't fit them.

    3|0
    0|0
  • Tell him to kindly fuck off. He had his chance

    3|1
    0|0
  • If he rejected you before you shouldn't date him.

    4|0
    0|0
  • 1st, congrats on the weight. and no, it's not a bad sign. you were really fat. the fact that you had 100lbs to lose says it all. you were just really big and most dudes don't like fat chicks.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think it is mixed. I would probably not give that person a chance. I was 475, and now I am 185, and girls are extremely attracted to me now, but being rejected for so many years by girls made me scorn them for being so shallow. So, I treated them as they treated me. They were invisible. I guess it worked out, because now I am married, and I still consider most girls invisible to me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No I don't think you should give him a chance, he had his chance. To quote the old Mike Jones song "Back then they didn't want ya, now you hot they all on ya".

    0|0
    0|0
  • He have the right to dislike and like. Now it's up to you to decide.
    Was he rude with you in the past? Do you kinda like him?
    Depends ofthese 2 .

    0|0
    0|0
  • He didn’t find you physically attractive before, now he does. This is far from surprising behaviour.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No... he just has his preferences and if nothing else, he's honest about it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's a good guy friend u got there, Ya giv him a chance jst don't sleep with him...

    0|0
    0|0
  • Congratulations on that achievement! That's amazing! Good for you!

    As for the rest. His logic is probably that you were not physically attractive towards him and thus he wanted to keep it on a friendship level. Now you are, and he is open to the idea of more. Interested in and wanting it, it seems like.

    As for you, it is your call. I don't think he's a bad person because of it. That doesn't make him a good person though. If you want to date him, then date him.

    2|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 26

  • People change; sometimes drastically. One of my friends who was a very shy, nerdy, awkward skinny kid in elementary school transformed into a very hot guy after high school. I was SO glad that we had been friends when we were younger. It gave me an advantage in the dating pool since most kids in our small town were mean to him. It's basically the same thing. If you are still attracted to him, and you still want to be with him... go for it! You deserve to be happy. Congrats on your transformation!

    0|1
    0|0
  • Eh, I don't see anything wrong in giving him a chance BUT I personally wouldn't. He wouldn't date you because of your appearance. I used to have braces and glasses and now that I've "blossomed" all the guys who wouldn't date me or asking me on dates all the time. I straight up tell them, "Oh now you want to date because I'm better looking now? When my personality has been the same all this time." I just find it really shallow.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think it makes him a bad person that he wasn't attracted to you then but is now. Though I do think that if this goes anywhere long term it could cause some insecurities on your end, especially if you begin to gain a bit of weight back over time / with age. You'll need to be cognizant of that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • well i dont think its that bad because would you want to date someone who wasn't physically attractive to you? i wouldn't. sex is a big part of relationships. but if i was in the same situation, i wouldn't exactly see him as a bad person but i would feel really weird about it all. like he really just waited until you lost weight, and then had the nerve to hit you up wanting something serious now. really. didn't have the decency to realize how shallow that looks. basically what im saying is i dont think he's bad for rejecting someone he didn't find physically attractive, but he does seem douchey for trying to talk to you just because you lost weight.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Personally, I don't know that I could date him without feeling a bit of resentment. It's like, you only want to date me now that I look different. I'm the same girl that I was before but you wouldn't know that because you chose to reject me. That's the mindset that I would have. And going into something with that mindset isn't fair to him or to me. So I would decline. But that's just me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wouldn't date him if I were you...

    2|0
    0|0
  • Your guy friend is definitely right. But also if it seems like it would be a big problem, maybe you shouldn't. I think that it wouldn't hurt to give him a date or two to test the waters

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think this is a personal choice, honestly. There's no right or wrong answer. You do have to be sexually attracted to the person you're with so that aspect may have been lacking for him previously. I guess you'll have to decide if you're okay with a guy who does genuinely like you (since you said you were good friends before) but you have to look a certain way for him to want to pursue something romantic with you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not at all. Wasn't one of your goals in losing weight to feel more attractive? These are the fruits of that labor, assuming you are still attracted to him. Doesn't sound like he was a jerk when you were bigger. Go for it. ❤️

    0|0
    0|0
  • tell him to fuck off lolololo

    1|0
    0|0
  • First off, damn you go girl. That is an incredible accomplishment.

    Second, why waste your time on a guy that initially rejected you for shallow reasons? Yeah sure everyone has a preference. Most people prefer slimmer individuals. But the fact that he didn't give you a chance back then when inside you were still the same person is utter shit. Move on. If he couldn't see your beautiful personality then, he won't now. Your girlfriends are right.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I understand that everyone has preferences. I totally understand that... but I wouldn't give him a chance if I were you. Looks aren't everything & they definitely don't last. At some point, you have to have an emotional & mental connection with your partner. It would just be totally awkward in my opinion because his decision to date you is solely based on looks. You haven't changed on the inside, right?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Give him a chance. I doubt you would have been attracted to him if he was obese.

    Your guy friend seems to talk a lot of sense to me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It is definitely a bad sign that he rejected you because your weight. What can be a bigger sign if his superficiality? Clearly, he is more interested in your body than you as a person. I'm sure you can tell that he would not have wanted to date had you not lost those 100lbs.
    A relationship is downright dysfunctional if there is a weighing scale between the couple.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dont date him... If he couldnt accept you at your worst and stay by your side while you bettered yourself then he's not worthy of your affection.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think its bad

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd ask him why he didn't want to date you back then.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know this is tricky. I think you should give it a chance though

    0|0
    0|0
  • ask him why he didn't like you 200 pounds ago and if he doesn't give a good answer then nope

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think you could find someone better

    0|0
    0|0
  • yeah because what happened if you gain weight again? Is he just gonna dump you?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Congratulations on the weight loss!

    I was in a similar situation. I lost 150 pounds, and suddenly guys that didn't give me the time of day kept wanting me. It made me uncomfortable, but yes... I look better now than I did so I get it. But it still doesn't feel right. If you were to move on and find someone new, someone that can like you from the first time they saw you and like your personality, I think that would be best.

    For me, having that thought that he could have had me earlier but because I lost the weight is the only reason he wants me now can lead to resentment. It wouldn't be a healthy relationship.

    1|0
    0|0
  • "Is it a bad sign that he rejected me before when I was bigger?"

    Depends. How badly was your ego wounded after he rejected you? If you can get over it, go out with him. If you can't, then don't.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If I were in your position, I'd take revenge. But that's just me. I would definitely go out with him and if he tried to kiss me or something I would tell him : "No offense, but you're sort of chubby/ugly/average for my taste".

    0|0
    0|0
  • You should date him if you like him. It's natural human instinct to be attracted to fit people, and you probably wouldn't want to date a fat guy either, no matter how nice he was. If you really like him then don't let the opportunity pass you by.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think that a guy that you want to be in a relationship with should love you no matter how much you weigh, so the fact that he conveniently is into you after you've lost so much weight is definitely a red flag. Don't do it, I know you may like him but this situation clearly proves that he is not a good guy.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...