The guy I'm seeing wanted me to meet his teenage son, but he wanted me to pretend to be someone he works with. I said no. Am I wrong?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not at all... I would be disappointed in a girl that I was dating saying that to me.

    I know he is being sensitive with respect to his son, but his some is a teenager and he is not giving him enough credit!

    I think if he were to sit down with son and explain things, most sons or daughters would be okay with it.

    I am sure his teenage son would be bright enough to pick up on what was happening anyway, so he would just chalk it up to his dad and you lying to him.

    Just be honest with his son and he would have more respect for you and his dad that way!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ugh, GaG never disappoints with the self righteous doom and gloom replies.

    You are the first person he's dated since the divorce. He is concerned on several layers.

    1. Son tells ex wife about you, ex wife makes your bf's life a living hell, possibly even refusing to allow him to come around son if she is vindictive like that. Either way, very uncomfortable.

    2. Son may be resentful of new woman, so boyfriend wants to ease you in to his life

    3. Not sure how long you have been dating but most divorced folks are very careful about bringing people they are dating into kids' lives until they are sure things have staying power. Even then, introducing them as a "friend" is safer for everyone at first.

    The lists go on and on and do NOT include being ashamed of you in any way.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Yeah. You're wrong. Particularly based on how long you've been together. You are not the kids mother. You would be invading his mother's memory. That should not be done until things are solidified between you two. He knows his kid. You don't.

    You're entirely self-centered right now. You're not thinking about his kid. You're not thinking about him. All you're thinking about is "Oh my God, you want to pretend like we're not together? So you don't respect me or value me enough to introduce me to your son?" Entirely self-centered.

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  • So what did you want?
    HIM: Hey , this is the woman I am having sex with now that your mom left us. You'll call her mom or get smacked. Get it?

    He is a kid dammit. It can be straining. Getting to know you first as a person will help creating a bond. If he directly gets to know that you're dating his dad, he'll see you as someone who's replacing his mom.. Not as an individual.

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    • With all due respect, that's a pretty absurd depiction of the scenario. If the kid is a teenager he's probably not naive. If suddenly his father's "coworker" just keeps hanging out around the house he's eventually going to put two and two together and he's going to potentially be mad that he was lied to in the first place. No one is saying anything about expecting him to call her mom or do any motherly duties. All OP wanted was to be introduced to the kid under truthful terms, which doesn't seem unreasonable.

      If the kid is going to be resentful of her he's going to be resentful of her regardless of how she's depicted or labeled as. The best thing to do is be direct and let the tension die down after a while.

    • @CallMeDee with all due respect.. It's not mentioned anywhere that they hang out continuously. And what if the father does not bring specifically the OP home but instead throws a party and introduces everyone , one by one? Trust me.. Seeing someone as an individual and seeing aomeone in a role makes a huge difference in the reactor's minds.

  • Yes you are wrong, and came off as an insensitive bitch.
    That's a kid he's talking about, kids can get hurt by things like this. Its good if you first get introduced as a friend so the kid doesn't sees you as any 'danger' and if he likes you he might be able to accept you as a mom

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    • I think that was a bit harsh. I understand exactly how kids can get hurt by this as my parents also got divorced when I was a child. Hence the reason I said no. I'd rather wait and do it right than have to lie and pretend.

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    • @ThisDudeHere
      I don't think that's lame, my aunt was divorced, my cousins were 12 and 15 and she got in a relationship with another man. She introduced him as a work colleague who could help them with their homework and they got along fine. They got married last year and are now settled in Manchester.
      Had he held his stupid ego, "how can she introduce me as a colleague" , things would never had worked out for sure.

    • Not everything works for everyone. It could have easily backfired.

  • I know two men whose 2nd wives are younger than their kids.

    Kids have strong feelings sometimes about who their parents are dating. This goes away when they grow up, but in the meantime, you should play through. See how his son reacts to you. He knows him better than you do. It may not be the right time to spring the news that you are his dad's girlfriend.

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  • You're taking the 'self-respect' thing way too far. Having come from a broken home, I can say to full effect that you would be better off going as 'just the friend' than 'the girl he's fucking'. Why do I say this? The kid could get emotional. I chewed my dad out for bringing a girl home before, and I chewed her out as well. Say something like that happened to you, would you feel better knowing that 'hey, at least my man introduced me as the girlfriend!', or would you feel like shit?

    I can tell you have no experience with divorced parents, so I'd suggest you drop your pride and trust that your boyfriend knows what he's doing. It's not like he's sneaking you around his wife, considering they're broken up. Use your brain.

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  • You are wrong.

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  • No I agree with uou

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  • No it's how you feel 💁🏻

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  • I wouldn't do it either

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  • No. You're not wrong. If it's work out, you'll be his mom. N mom should be good example to children.

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  • No move on.

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What Girls Said 13

  • He should have just said "This is my friend". Because it shows that he cares for you, but also doesn't show you're his girlfriend until everyone knows for sure it's going to work out in the long run.

    It's hard for kids to constantly be meeting mom or dad's dates that don't stick around. It's also not good to lie about you being a co-worker. There should be nothing wrong with introducing you as his friend.

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  • I dont think u are wrong.. but like... try to put yourself in his shoes, that first meeting means a lot to him and he wants to know what his kid thinks about you, might not seem like a lot but saying girlfriend and friend can have a huge influence on the thoughts his son will have about u the first time u meet him

    Both of my parents introduced me to the people they were seeing at that time as their friends and it was easier to accept the fact they were together later on

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  • Lol, NO. If he's ok with lying to his son about the person he's dating, then he's ok about lying to you. And he doesn't see your relationship as serious enough to tell his son he's with you. Odds are, he wants his son to give him his opinion of you, not because he cares about you liking his son. Either way, the answer should be no. And he needs to grow up and stop acting like a teenager himself.

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  • No i don't think you are wrong , if he isn't ready to introduce you as who you really are to him then he's not ready for you to really meet his son.

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  • No you aren't. What's the point of him wanting you to meet his son if you have to pretend to be someone else? That's pointless v

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  • No absolutely not.. He's very obviously ashamed to present you as his girlfriend.

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    • I don't think he is ashamed. He said that he is scared he confuses his son as I am the first woman he has been with since his divorce 4 years ago.

  • I don't think so. He could have said you were his girlfriend, since this is a teenager and not a 5-year-old who doesn't understand what dating is. Or he could at least said you were his friend, not just some chick he works with.

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  • No you are not wrong. He was wrong to ask that of you. If he can not find the courage to be honest with his son then you shouldn't meet him until he can. I also suggest telling him how you feel about this.

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  • Not wrong, it feels wrong to lie about who you are

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  • You're not wrong. If he can't tell his son who you are to him then there is something wrong.

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  • I don't see the big deal if he just introduces you as his new girlfriend.

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  • No. Why does he have to hide you like that? You're not wrong

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  • It'll be difficult if you don't want to see his son that's for sure as he's part of his life.

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