Would you date a girl who had a previous bad relationship?

If this girl was in a long term relationship, but you found out it had a lot of baggage like her ex had cheated on her, verbally abused her, that they were together for a long time, and been through a lot together. Would you give her a chance and not judge her on the past relationship or loose all interest?

  • No, because she damaged goods
    6% (3)18% (15)13% (18)Vote
  • It depends on how well we connect
    43% (23)42% (35)43% (58)Vote
  • Yes, because that's he past and I'd treat her better
    51% (27)40% (33)44% (60)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • One thing to be cautious of here when dating someone with baggage, is that after they have left the abusive relationship is that they at times will feel powerless and be reminded of that time. It's important to treat them with compassion and empathy however, do not tolerate being abused set strong boundaries upfront, if not they will indirectly hurt you. As a guy I would and have dated these girls, however when their feelings became so twisted and reality was distorted to the point that they became physically violent, I let them go, I have enough self respect that I don't allow for abuse to occur and I don't care what they've been through we've all been through some crap, however that is never an excuse not to get help or do something about it. If someone is actively doing something about it, I'm all in 100%, if they refuse help or act as if everyone else is the problem but them, they lose out in the long run. My only concern is the present moment not their past.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it depends on how you carry yourself and act now. I was in a verbally abusive relationship for years before my current boyfriend and you have to take some time for yourself, realize why you accepted that treatment, take personal responsibility for staying, set standards for how you're treated in the future. Don't punish your new boyfriend for your ex's mistakes.

    The fact that you chose to stay in a relationship like that will be a big red flag to a lot of people and it really should be because it says a lot about your self respect. That being said, people need to understand that other people screw up and some of us have the ability to learn from those mistakes.

    I have a really awesome boyfriend now, who of course questions why I stayed with someone like that but we can talk about it and he can empathize with me because I can just be honest and say yeah I was just young and being fucking stupid lol

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What Guys Said 22

  • yes just have to be more understanding and patient but i will say that a lot of women never fully trust again after going through something like that. So it could be a losing battle but everyone has issues just would remain to be seen if could be worked through.

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  • her past relationship has no bearing on how i would feel about her. if i liked her and we clicked then i would go for it but if we didn't click then i wouldn't

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  • Depends on the baggage and how well we connect.
    Some girls get abused and always find a way back to their abuser. If it's that level of damage and she's not talking to a therapist, then I would stay away before I invest too much in her.

    There's a saying that you should never pursue a woman whose heart is with another man. Similarly, if he's addicted to the abuse and she thinks that what love looks like, it doesn't matter how good you are the her. Because you don't abuse her, she won't feel love for you the same way and will possibly leave you for her abuser if he decides to come back. Because that's "real love " in her mind.

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  • Yes, I would date her, but if she wants me to date her more times, she needs to forget about her previous relationship, not to be always on the defensive and try to entrust on me. I think that everyone can have a bad past and a better future, but I don't want to put up about her past bad relationship.

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  • Why would I not want to be with her? I would even say it's better because obviously, she is not the type to flee as soon as problems arise. Also, I don't have to be perfect to be better than the last guy. I find it kind of reassuring.

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  • I am concerned that she stayed even though he was abusive. Does she not have self-respect? I would not tolerate verbal abuse, I had enough of that for years.

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    • Many women feel they have nowhere to go, that the abuser is truly sorry when they apologize, that they deserve it, or that the abuser will hunt them down if they leave.

    • @FallOutBoy2001 especially the last one is scary.

    • I have self respect but was manipulated and emotionally abused until I was a shell of myself - I didn't know who I was any more.

  • Does *she* constantly make a big deal out of it, bringing up the baggage and looking for attention/sympathy because of it? Then no.

    Everyone has a past. The important thing is that it should stay there.

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  • I would give her a chance, given that I cannot get any chance at all from women. But, her past would always be on the back of my mind.

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  • Yes I would.

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  • i wouldn't

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  • Yes I would date her. In some twisted way, it might be even better than dating a girl that had awesome previous relationship AND I love to take care of people so a little 'damaged' is totally fine for me.

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  • Why would I date someone to help them get over their ex? Its beyond stupid.

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  • Depends on how well she's over it.

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  • If I liked her and she was completely over him then I'd have no problem dating her

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  • Yes, I would date her. I'd prefer it if she didn't mention the bad relationship at all, though.

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  • Hell yeah, I'd give her a chance. I'd even protect her from her ex, should he stalk her.

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  • Avoid that like the plague.

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  • it is all in how u treat the woman and it should be with respect

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  • A girl's past would never stop me from dating her.

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  • Depends entirely on how long she has had to recover.

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  • Everyone has baggage. It depends how it impacted her, and what she's like because of it.

    Bluntly, if she reacts by closing herself off, being less giving and withdrawing, no, i wouldn't date her.

    If she is unaffected, sure, i might.

    And if she, as some do, reacts by going the other way, desperately trying to please me and keep me satisfied... well i'll try to make her happy and secure and feel good too.

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  • Yes surely.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I don't care about a guys past relationships as long as the baggage doesn't impact our relationship.

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  • I'm really sad that 13 people said no.

    I've had really bad relationships and yes, it was hard but I'd only get into a new relationship when I was ready. I can't help that my ex's decided to abuse, cheat and rape me, but the least you can do is treat me 100x better than they did. After all, any bit of kindness would be huge for me so you wouldn't have to do much.

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    • I get the help I require and keep that on the low. First meeting me, you'd have no idea what terrible things I've experienced or what goes on in the background. It wouldn't concern them or affect our relationship.

  • no too much headache

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