If this girl was in a long term relationship, but you found out it had a lot of baggage like her ex had cheated on her, verbally abused her, that they were together for a long time, and been through a lot together. Would you give her a chance and not judge her on the past relationship or loose all interest?
- No, because she damaged goods6% (3)18% (15)13% (18)Vote
- It depends on how well we connect43% (23)42% (35)43% (58)Vote
- Yes, because that's he past and I'd treat her better51% (27)40% (33)44% (60)Vote
Most Helpful Guy
One thing to be cautious of here when dating someone with baggage, is that after they have left the abusive relationship is that they at times will feel powerless and be reminded of that time. It's important to treat them with compassion and empathy however, do not tolerate being abused set strong boundaries upfront, if not they will indirectly hurt you. As a guy I would and have dated these girls, however when their feelings became so twisted and reality was distorted to the point that they became physically violent, I let them go, I have enough self respect that I don't allow for abuse to occur and I don't care what they've been through we've all been through some crap, however that is never an excuse not to get help or do something about it. If someone is actively doing something about it, I'm all in 100%, if they refuse help or act as if everyone else is the problem but them, they lose out in the long run. My only concern is the present moment not their past.3
Most Helpful Girl
I think it depends on how you carry yourself and act now. I was in a verbally abusive relationship for years before my current boyfriend and you have to take some time for yourself, realize why you accepted that treatment, take personal responsibility for staying, set standards for how you're treated in the future. Don't punish your new boyfriend for your ex's mistakes.
The fact that you chose to stay in a relationship like that will be a big red flag to a lot of people and it really should be because it says a lot about your self respect. That being said, people need to understand that other people screw up and some of us have the ability to learn from those mistakes.
I have a really awesome boyfriend now, who of course questions why I stayed with someone like that but we can talk about it and he can empathize with me because I can just be honest and say yeah I was just young and being fucking stupid lol0