My boyfriend refuses to come to Easter brunch with my family. Is this a red flag?

My boyfriend refuses to come to Easter brunch with my family. Is this a red flag?I understand that everyone has their own beliefs, so I am not trying to judge someone who doesn't share my same beliefs. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months, and he has met my family once before. I grew up in a very Christian family, so Easter is a special day for us. My parents invited my boyfriend over for Easter brunch this weekend, but since he is atheist he is refusing to come.

I haven't told my family he is atheist yet, but since he doesn't believe in the holiday, is it wrong for me to be mad that he won't come simply to support me and spend time with my family? I don't want to tell my family he doesn't want to come, but I also don't want to lie to them. I am so torn on what to do! Is this a red flag he doesn't want to be with me on a day that truly means so much to me? Am I wrong for being mad?


0|2
58|59

Most Helpful Guy

  • As an atheist I can tell you Easter is the most uncomfortable holiday for me. Christmas is easy because there's a whole other non Christian side to Christmas. But Easter is about one thing and one thing only and you can't escape it. In my head it's just a day. It's not a very important day (to me). It just so happens that other people celebrate on it. It's like how Christians feel during hanukkah. The only difference is many Christians react defensively when they find out your an atheist. It's one thing to say I believe in a different god it's another thing to say I think all of this is wrong and nonexistent. People don't like having such a major part of their lives dismissed like that. And although many Christians can and do have positive relationships with athiest Easter is the touchiest time. Being an atheist at a Easter celebration is like walking around a crowded room with a movement sensitive bomb strapped to your chest that no one else but you knows about. You have no clue what might come out of your mouth. Sometimes even not commenting can become offensive. It's scary. And it's not scary because your afraid of saying something bad it's scary because you might loose everyone all over something that feels trivial to you anyways. So on Easter I tend to avoid conversations with adults and or stay isolated at home till it's all over. He's staying away not because he doesn't want to be with you he's staying away because he really really does but is afraid this day could ruin everything. Especially if you've only been dating 6 months.

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • I personally wouldn't mind spending an Easter brunch with my boyfriend's family, even if they were super religious. I'm an atheist and I don't really mind as long as it isn't shoved down my throat. I could tolerate and appreciate a simple brunch. I don't want any side-eyes or snide remarks from the family though.
    However, not everyone is like me, therefore your boyfriend has the right to decline the offer if he thinks it doesn't fit his views. You can't force him to join a religious brunch. Neither should he force you to join an atheist brunch or something. Therefore you don't have the right to be mad, really.
    There are a few things you could do, though.
    1. Explain to your parents that he's an atheist, and ask them to possibly tone it down a bit (as in, don't start preaching to your boyfriend)
    2. Explain to your boyfriend that it's just brunch, and that yes, while it is religious, he's not there to be converted. He can come just to enjoy a meal with your parents.

    I think that's about all you can do, if you want to try to make things work.

    5|2
    0|0

What Guys Said 58

  • just tell him to get the sand out of his vagina and spend a day with his fucking girlfriend.

    14|4
    0|0
  • he doesn't believe in god... ok

    but does he believe in supporting his girlfriend? going to an Easter dinner doesn't mean that he's somehow acknowledging jesus christ as his lord and savior. it simply means he's supporting you by going to a family event

    i personally think that you should explain to him that the dinner is more about being with family on a day that happens to be a religious holiday. you aren't asking him to come to church, believe in god, convert to christianity... you're asking him to come to dinner

    4|1
    0|0
    • This is the best answer with regards to this problem. He should be supportive. And being supportive doesn't mean he has to agree with her traditions.

  • "I grew up in a very Christian family, so Easter is a special day for us."
    "Is this a red flag he doesn't want to be with me on a day that truly means so much to me?"
    You make it clear it is not a "normal" day, but a "special" one. He cannot share that "special" with you, and trying to make him go would make it awkward for all concerned. Since that day means so much to you and you will be celebrating it in a special way with your family, you cannot ignore the religious traditions and customs, and those would likely cause problems between him and your family.

    It is best to be honest with all and do not try ot have him with you that day.

    4|1
    0|0
  • He has a legitimate point. But he's also being stubborn. It kind of depends on what his expectations are. If it's expected to be something seriously religious, I might refuse to go also. But I doubt if it will really be religious themed.

    You could look at it like he's refusing to go when you want him to. But you can also look at it like you are forcing religion on him and he may resent that.

    I suspect this brunch will not be heavily religious, and may barely mention religion if at all. If that's the case, then tell him that.

    As far as it being a red flag, remember that can go both ways.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Postponing on here but none of it as bad as you think. Simply put it just one of those relationship power struggles that's got out of hand.
    I don't believe in religion I don't class myself as any label either however I do enjoy an opportunity to celebrate with friends and family.
    Perhaps you might like to point out to him that Easter and Christmas were all pagan celebrations originally and you just want to spend time with him and your family.
    I feel is more to do with this being another stage in your relationship together with him. Being with you and your family at this time that means so much to you and them is a little intimidating to him.
    Religion should never come between a relationship , in fact I've allways wanted to believe that love should be rise above religion even help create acceptance and tolerance.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think it's wrong to expect someone who isn't of your religion to partake in your religious traditions. If he was Muslim or jewish I think people would be more accepting of him not taking part. If a Christian doesn't want to take part in Ramadan there's nothing wrong with that.

    He also may see it as an attempt at conversation. If you're an atheist in America you kind of learn to be slightly distrustful of the motivations behind religious kindness. Is someone inviting you because they want to genuinely spend time with you and to enjoy your company or are they trying to convert or 'save' you? It's an embarrassing and awkward situation for every nonbeliever to stumble into every time it happens. Then you literally can't refuse or debate the reasons why you don't want to take part without automatically being an asshole or an 'angry atheist'.

    It's a lose lose that atheists learn to just avoid at all costs.

    2|1
    0|0
    • He doesn't have to convert over Easter dinner. He can be there for her and be supportive. That's it. What if it were a funeral? Most funerals I've been to have a Mass. Would one not go because a religious ceremony would take place. It's disrespectful to choose to avoid over supporting someone you care about.

    • Show All
    • @AidaRoma Feeling of awkwardness can be a pretty powerful feeling. Plus even if he goes just for her sake. Isn't she being insensitive to how he's feeling? I kind of doubt she's asked him how he really feels about it. Plus she hasn't even told her parents he's atheist. So if her parents ask him what his religion is. He can either lie or tell the truth. Which the truth could cause them to start freaking out and then cause a massive scene at the brunch place. So then he will be known as the person who caused her parents to flip out in public.

    • @Mustachekitteh I agree about being awkward. But my argument is that there will be those times in life.. where you should be there for others in spite of your comfort. Obviously, a discussion needs to happen between both of them. If they're going to make this work, communication is key. But inflexibility from both parties will cause tension in the relationship. Boundaries need to be set. If it were me, I'd want to support my mate so long as their beliefs are not hurting others. Both need to decide what they can handle. A relationship is difficult enough but when you're torn on religion it makes it that much more difficult. If their relationship gets serious.. she will need to set those boundaries with her family as well. And he will have to decide whether it's worth it for him to avoid all her family holidays because he's not a believer. But I don't see that working out well.

  • I would never say you are wrong for feeling mad. No one can tell you not to feel a certain way.

    But you are kind of contradicting yourself.
    "come simply to support me and spend time with my family" do want this or do you want "be with me on a day that truly means so much to me"? I am not saying you can't have any of them but when you are talking to your boyfriend and convincing him to come you need to have your reason be very clear. It's one thing to come to a family dinner that happens to be on a holiday, it's another thing to have him celebrate that holiday. It boils down to family vs holiday. I think in this case if it's for "family" he might be inclined to be there for you if he doesn't have to do all the traditional holiday traditions.

    Does this make sense so far? I have been in a situation where I was asked to dinner with a very religious family. But in my case I "embraced" what they were doing. And no I have never been an atheist.

    2|0
    0|0
  • As long as you and you're significant other have conflicting beliefs, there will be moments like this. It's normal to be upset, but you shouldn't be surprised. It takes faith and emotion backed by personal experiences to believe what either of you believe. It's like you're both on different pages in different books. Think about how unhappy you are with his decision to refuse your parent's invitation. By refusing, your boyfriend is putting his foot down; you can expect to have this problem anytime something like this comes up. This is a red flag, and you should consider how these occurrences are going to affect your relationship in the future.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well he could be concerned about his conflicting beliefs. And thus he feels like he would offend your family. Thus he just wants to avoid it.

    2|1
    0|0
  • I would think it is.

    Respect goes both ways. Even if you're an atheist, you can respect other people's beliefs and appreciate and support them. Your beliefs deserve as much respect as his beliefs. It's not a hardship to sit at a table with people and be respectful of them and their beliefs. If that's too much for him to do, then yeah, it's probably not a good sign.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Religious people can be mighty annoying. They take for truth outlandish stuff and insist on convincing you of it. I can understand him for not wanting to go. I have been through the exact same stuff myself.

    2|0
    0|0
  • All atheists are different, some are more tolerant to religion than others. A friend of mine who is also an atheist told me of a time his girlfriend invited him over for Thanksgiving and he prayed with her family. Personally that's not something I'd be able to do since it would make me uncomfortable.

    You need to respect your boyfriend's beliefs otherwise the relationship won't go anywhere.

    It's up to you if you tell your parents. I'd test the waters first to find out what they think of atheists first before telling them.

    1|0
    0|0
  • i see my self also as an atheist but out of love for you i would still go to your family get together.
    about your question is it a red flag i feel it is because even though you have different beleaves he should see it in his heart to support you and want to spend time with your family. to me it shows he will dont be to willing to support you in other things in the long run

    2|0
    0|0
    • I completely agree

      You should have a talk with him and make him understand you just wish fir his support on that day and you wouldn't force him to do be a part of any traditions that he wouldn't be comfortable with.

      See what he says. Id be bummed too, tbh.

    • I do that sometimes for my mom!

  • It isn't right for you to be mad, but it is right for you to be annoyed. I wouldn't consider this a red flag, but it's more than a yellow flag. It seems he is devout in his atheism...

    Find out if he is an Objectivist or if he knows about Ayn Rand. If he is an Objectivst, that is an instant red flag and dump him immediately.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he is serious for you , he should definitely come.
    Come on man, u guys are dating for 6 months... he should definitely come, if he is not coming,,, its a major red flag.
    Dont project your own interest on the other person, watch their actions.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Does he celebrate Christmas?

    Because he should celebrate Easter just like he celebrates Christmas if he does.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Both of you are being petty, you can call him for brunch for any other day other than Easter, if he still doesn't wanna, red flag. The dude should try tho. Its one day, if he doesn't like it then he can make it more obvious to you.

    2|0
    0|0
  • It's only a red flag if his only reason for not going is because he doesn't want to. If he already has plans that day and you're asking him to drop them for you, then it's a non issue.

    He should be supportive and it's just Brunch. You didn't invite him to church or request anything of him that is against his beliefs.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Whenever you have someone that is very religious with someone that is not all that religious or/non religious you're going to end up acting like you want to convert them, and they are always going to be mad as hell at you for trying to change them. I have a brother going through the same thing with his girlfriend constantly, and it's why they keep breaking up. She's a holly roller, he's a border line atheist. It's bound to cause problems for most people because they are not flexible in their views...

    Is it a red flag, as he doesn't care about what you are into? Maybe... He probably feels like you're trying to manipulate him and convert him and he probably feels like it's a red flag that you are trying to coax him into a religion he wants nothing to do with. He doesn't want to partake in those traditions. While you think he doesn't want to participate in what is important to you. It's a divide that will likely persist...

    0|0
    0|0
  • You boyfriend is an ass. Replace him.
    He sounds to be one of those stereotypical self-righteous leftards who sneers and looks down upon anyone who does not share his particular point of view.
    If he understood the basics of human interaction and had any social graces he would attend and be happy to be there.
    He refuses to attend, which tells you everything that you need to know about both him and the future of your relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe he is the Easter bunny so he is too busy that day but can't give away his true identity :-P

    0|1
    0|0
  • That's just anal on his part. Even if he's not religious, it's a free lunch and gathering with his girlfriend's family. I'd just go with it and enjoy the company.

    It's not necessarily a red flag, just something you guys should talk out. Maybe he feels uncomfortable or like he will be judged for being atheist. Chances are he's right. Don't let this be a dealbreaker for you, just something to work through. Maybe you can persuade him and your parents into having a peaceful and fun brunch.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Bruh he needs to CHILL

    Me, personally, I'm not a Christian but my god any holiday where you can get any excuse for candy, or presents (Christmas) I'm in.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Are you very Christian, or just the rest of your family? If you're as religious as they are, obviously that's a red flag.

    It's inconceivable to me how people who actively practice a religion that condemns non believers wind up dating atheists.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes it sure is you have to be equally yoked

    0|0
    0|0
  • Will he be forced to pray or ridiculed for being an atheist? He may feel that he is being victimized.

    0|0
    0|0
  • well im atheist and dont see any problem with Easter has nothing to do with religion to me just chocolate so in that regard it seems abit like an excuse but you said he met you family once and again as an atheist i find really religious people really annoying so in my opinion i think he's either making an excuse for whatever reason or making one to avoid your family I don't know i dont know your family they might not take religion to far

    1|0
    0|0
  • Red flag... I don't know about that. But you have every right to be upset with him.

    But do you think your family is going to have a problem with him being atheist?

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes there is a number of red flags
    - You haven't told your family that he is an atheist.
    - You haven't told your family that this is a reason why he doesn't want to come.
    Your family sounds hella intolerant, so why should he be tolerant?

    0|1
    0|0
    • Uhhhh what makes her family sound intolerant here? Just the fact that they're religious? My family are Christian and they're fucking wonderful people!

    • I'd be incredibly hurt if my boyfriend didn't want to spend a holiday with my family just because he's not a Christian. So fucking what it's a Christian holiday? What's the worst that's gonna happen? They might pray in front of you? How awful!

    • @Sara413
      She has not told their family that he is an atheist nor the fact that he doesn't want to come for the same reason.
      "Don't want to" implies intent, not a happenstance.
      If she is intentionally not giving their parents this information it means she presumes they would not take it well, to not take this kind of trivial information well implies they must be quite intolerant.

      Furthermore she is demanding her boyfriend, who he belongs in the group of people her family is intolerant about, to come to the event knowing well her family has no idea he belongs to said group and will presumably assume he belongs to theirs which puts him in a very unpleasant situation.

      And by doing so she is demanding him to be tolerant of of her family's values who she knows would not be tolerant of his.
      If she had told her family he is an atheist and doesn't do Christian things then sure I wouldn't see any problem with that, maybe doing so would even make him come to the event.

  • well Easter is a pagan holiday honestly, the reason for its so important is the date and what happen during those days not the actually holiday,

    you want my advice break up with your boyfriend trust me hun I went through the same thing you did it didn't end well it never ends well, when 2 different beliefs try to work together they clash trust me hun, i know its hard but its for the best

    you are gonna hurt yourself if you stay with him don't forget my words

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    28

1 private opinion(s)
Only the asker and the opinion owner can see it. Learn more

What Girls Said 57

  • You know yr fam pretty well. How much religiosity is there going to be at this brunch?

    At the risk of being overly simplistic, let's break this down into 2 cases, at the extremes.

    __

    1) IT'LL BE CHILL
    In this case, there's no problem. Just communicate to yr boyfriend that... it'll be chill.
    If yr boyfriend refuses to believe you, then, there are some very deep issues there -- to such an extent that the relationship itself may be beyond redemption. (Really. That's a strong statement, I know... but, his predispositions about religious families should NOT override yr honest, sincere communication.)

    __

    2) THEY'LL GET ALL RELIGIOUS ON YR ASSES
    This is the tough situation.
    In this case... I'll just give you the "script" for a similar situation I dealt with. You have permission to steal this script verbatim.

    I have a friend. This friend is a gay man. His parents are very Christian, and VERY not at ease with homosexuality, and they had absolutely no idea he was gay.

    He invited me -- and his boyfriend -- to brunch with the parents. I was the emotional support, because, well, I'm really good at that shit. LOL
    (Of course, his parents thought I was his girlfriend at first.)

    Anyway...
    I introduced myself. Hi, I'm his friend ______. Yep, that was just "friend", without the prefix girl- in front.
    Then they introduced themselves. You could definitely have cut the tension with a knife at that point. (There were lots of sharp knives around, too -- who knows what could have happened, lol.)

    OK.

    So, then, I jumped in with some Bible readings! This was the key. I invited the dude's father to read Matthew 7:1-5
    www.biblegateway.com/.../?search=Matthew%207:1-5

    And then his mother, to read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
    www.biblegateway.com/.../

    I mean, they couldn't really hate, at that point. I kinda had them cornered. I'm good, huh.
    (;

    There were still... shall we say, **misgivings** about that relationship in the family, for a while. But, just having the parents read those two verses aloud -- while face-to-face with their son and his boyfriend -- REALLY made a difference, and it was a lasting difference indeed.

    Feel free to use the same 2 verses as ammunition, in the same way, if necessary.

    Also, you should try to communicate to yr boyfriend -- without insulting him -- that the way a grown man deals with these kinds of conflicts is not to run away from them forever and ever and ever.

    1|1
    0|0
  • You don't have to believe in a holiday to have dinner with your in laws. It seems pretty rude to me to refuse an invitation. Maybe tell your boyfriend and your family that he is not celebrating Easter and would he like to come to dinner/ be welcome to come to dinner anyways?

    4|1
    0|0
  • I'm kind of torn on this issue. I'm not really a Christian. I don't go to church, but my family still observes Easter. We have a dinner together, but that's it.

    I can definitely see how this would hurt you for him not to want to go. But at the same time, perhaps he is worried about it being an uncomfortable event for him? He is an atheist, and I'm not sure what you family is like. But he might be worried about having to partake in traditions that he is not wanting to or believe in.

    As respectful he is to be of your beliefs, you should also be respectful of his (or his right to not believe in what he chooses).

    I'm not atheist so I can't speak for athieism. But I know how important Easter can be. It's definitely one of those holidays where there is religion involved and that could be his hesitation.

    I would talk to him, tell him about your family's traditions. Maybe if they aren't overly religious or he wouldn't be expected to participate, perhaps he would join you at least for dinner?

    Ultimately, you two have only been dating for 6 months. That's not too long. I would say that's pretty early to be expecting him to come for dinner. But everyone is different.

    Talk to him and find out what his reasons are.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I am a Christian. My husband is Atheist. But, because we both love each other and care about each other's feelings... we are still supportive of the things that may be important to each other. My husband might not come to church if I asked him... but he'd certainly come to Easter brunch with my family. It's okay to join in family events and not believe what they believe. Is he just never going to leave the house unless he runs into people who believe identically to what he does? Sounds like he lacks the tools to be an adult! And don't be thinking he will ever change. Do you really want to be with a guy who can't be supportive of things that are important to you and your family for the rest of your life just because he believes different things? You need to have a serious talk with him. If he can't be supportive of you now, how's it going to be if you should get married down the road and have kids? Will he prevent you from sharing your faith with your own children? He needs to grow up. Also... Easter is a secular holiday celebrating spring. He might not celebrate the resurrection, but he can certainly celebrate spring if he's an atheist.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If it were me in your position, I'd say yes it is a red flag. It is also one where you may have to pick and choose your battles. Coming from a very Christian background you will see many things differently than one who has chosen to be atheist. This could just be the "tip of the iceberg", you will need to discuss this and what it possibly means to your future.

    Interesting you don't mention whether you are currently practicing your Christian beliefs yourself. I come from an opposite upbringing as you, my parents are very non-Christian, yet I have decided to become a Christian along with my husband. It was one of the things I realized early on in our relationship that we needed to be on the same plane religiously, I saw past the fact we were dating at the time and would be married needing to be on equal footing.

    My family would be pretty much considered agnostic in that they pretty much just ignore the question. Yet we always celebrated Easter, it was and is more than the Easter bunny to them, they do recognize Jesus Christ as a historical figure. His family on the opposite end, though not totally religious came from a very Christian, Baptist background where they have gone through periods of hot and cold Christianity. Yet they are still Christians, as a family, as individuals, historically (his great Grandfather and Grandfather wer both Baptist ministers). Like your family they tend to celebrate the Christian aspect of Easter.

    Had I not participated in their celebration, I don't think they would have been too enthusiastic with me marrying their son, sooner or later. This would have always been a slight to his family, his family history. I decided that it was important enough to join them because I couldn't win this. You are sitting in the same position here, one that you either walk away from your families religious practices and views for a guy who doesn't believe in anything as far as religion is concerned. Eventually he will have you choosing more and more between himself and your family, you will have to answer the question for yourself.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It seems he's such a devout atheist that it could get in the way of your relationship. Will he do this forever? My brother isn't religious either, but he still comes to all family gatherings for holidays (including Easter), and he'd definitely do it for a girlfriend. It feels more like your boyfriend is trying to avoid getting together with your family.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes, it is a red flag.

    Dating an atheist is hard when you're a devoted Christian, but it isn't impossible. In order for it to work, though, there has to be some compromising. If Easter brunch is this important to you, and he's so against your faith that he won't come spend a day with your family, then I'm afraid there may not be a future here.

    Hope I helped.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Does he understand what it means to you? Have you tried explaining to him that it's an important family event for you, and that you would like share it with him?

    If after all of that he doesn't want to go, don't force him. If your family asks why he didn't come to see you, just tell them that he had other plans (this is not a lie. Planning on not going is another plan.)

    If he says that he doesn't want to go because he doesn't want to spoil the day for you and your family with his differing beliefs, then drop the issue.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Some nonreligious people are ok doing small things regarding holidays with a religious background. However, all people are not, just like some people of one faith are ok doing small things regarding celebrations of another faith, all are not. I understand you want him there, but he has his own beliefs, and those beliefs should be respected.

    Also, you haven't told your family about his beliefs. He might feel like a poser and like he's selling himself out plus not wanting to start a riff at a special event.

    Let his pass this one.

    1|0
    0|0
  • maybe it makes him uncomfortable, just because he knows how religious your family is so he would feel almost out of place and he isn't ready for that and doesn't know to expect or something? i wouldn't see it as a red flag personally. have you asked him about why he doesn't want to go?

    1|0
    0|0
  • Why are you dating someone outside of your religion in the first place? That's your problem.

    4|0
    0|0
  • I can definitely see both sides and the religion factor was not a problem then but is now because of Easter, it can create many more problems in the future. Safe to say pick your battles or see it as a red flag. Usually these things are discussed prior however if your beliefs don't mesh now who says they will in the future? I know it's a long shot but think about if you decide to get married which Im sure you want, what if he's opposing to a church when it means so much to you etc.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well, you can't force it on him. You have your beliefs and he has his own. If (for some strange reason; not sure if there's anything like this) there was an atheist event would you go with him? He probably just doesn't feel comfortable about it. I'm sure he'd love to spend time with you and your family on any other day, just not a religious holiday.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes it is a red flag. Shows that he's quite selfish and care more about his beliefs than yours.
    When people are a couple or married or at times even friends you do things for each other that even though you may not agree with it or not enjoy, you do it to be supportive and make the other person happy, and so they do it in return to you when you want to do something you like or enjoy or is meaningful to you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he doesn't want to go why force him? Tell your family the truth, he doesn't want to go. As for red flags of him not wanting to be with you, look for more than one. Do you see anything else in his behaviour besides this one? Also, are you forgiving any of his other behaviours that don't sit right with you just because you want to be in a relationship and do not want to be alone? Those are red flags. If he is doing questionable things and you are still sticking around then that is a problem.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes it's a red flag. Regardless of his beliefs, he really should participate in your family gatherings. Fast forward to every Christmas and Easter in your lives together I the future, is it always going to be a standoff? Or worth one? Good luck and happy Easter. ☮❤️😊🐇💜💙💚💛💕

    1|0
    0|0
  • Unpopular opinion-- You're wrong for being mad. I don't think people are obligated to partake in their SO's family celebrations until marriage. From his perspective, this would be a very awkward occasion to go to and it probably makes him uncomfortable.

    3|2
    0|0
  • YES this is a red flag. How long is going to hide from your family like this? Can you honestly see yourself raising kids with someone who won't even face your family on holidays because he is afraid of arguments?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your boyfriend is a drama queen.
    I think you've a right to be upset. This is a family day, and it's lovely that your family want to involve him. Regardless of his religious beliefs, he needs to understand the the gesture behind it.
    What I would suggest is explain to him that it means a lot to you, and everyone really wants him to come. If he refuses still, I'd say that's a red flag. Not only because he's incredibly stubborn, but because it makes it more likely that he won't respect your religion, the way you respect his lack of one.
    If he does agree to come, let your family know that he's not religious, and he's a little tentative about coming along to the gathering. Try to ensure that there'll be no pressure from your family about religion.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your boyfriend is being petty for no reason. So he isn't a Christian - why does that mean he can't join you and your family for a day that is special to them? Does he refuse to celebrate Christmas as well?

    Honestly, he sounds like he is being intentionally snooty of your family and their beliefs and, yes, to me that is a bit of a red flag. At the very least, he is being rude and inconsiderate, if not intensively antagonistic.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think it's a huge red flag, since it's not is religion. People can be very passionate about religion related issues on both sides.
    I am not an athiest nor a Christian, but I would still celebrate Easter with my BFs family if they asked me. I think it would be interesting to see a holiday I am not used to celebrating.

    1|0
    0|0
  • If he is not religious there is no reason to force him to attend something where everyone will be focused on religion. My family is super religious and I would rather not be there but my boyfriend was also invited to Easter brunch and doesn't want to come, he came to Thanksgiving and that was his first holiday with my family and I've been trying to get him to come to another ever since. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and you've been dating for 6 months. I think everyone moves at different paces, just tell your parents he is spending the day with his family and invite him to Thanksgiving when the time comes. Give him a little more time and space before something big like that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Okay, so you're not wrong. But at the same time, neither is he. You guys knew what you subjected yourselves to when you started dating. Now, with this in mind, you should not be upset that he is refusing brunch. However, at the same time, he can at least show up. Dating for anyone is a challenge of you are not open to try new things. That's what dating is all about, the ability to put yourself aside for that person you truly care about. I would say talk to him about it. You both need to meet each other half way. And as for your parents, you can't hide the truth forever. Ypu shouldn't have to lie.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I can understand why you are upset, but making him go could make him uncomfortable. I'm not religious, I never was growing up, but my grandparents would make me go to church and family dinner on Easter which made me uncomfortable, and when I finally told them I wasn't religious they went crazy and told me how I was going to hell and all that fun stuff that people yell at you when you don't practice the same religion.
    If his religious beliefs being different from yours is an issue I don't think you should date outside of your religion.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think your wrong for being mad. Since it's really awkward celebrating christian stuff when your an atheist. Like if they start praying. Then you end up just standing there with your eyes closed. Which your having to listen to things you don't believe in.

    Why are you so ashamed and worried of your parents knowing he's athiest?

    0|0
    0|0
  • What's that assholes problem? I'm agnostic and I don't refuse to spend the holiday with my family, hell I even go to church just to make my family happy, they know I don't believe but they appreciate that I at least try to be supportive. I'd say it's a red flag he doesn't want to go.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would say it is a red flag for sure. If you want someone to participate in your religious holidays, it is usually easier to pick someone with similar beliefs. It makes things much easier and then it is something you can share together instead of forcing him to participate.

    If that doesn't work, at least you need someone who isn't going to make such a big deal out of it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It isn't really a red flag, but it can mean that your boyfriend is kind of a jerk. I'm not Christian myself, but I would still gladly celebrate any religious holiday if it meant a lot to a close friend or lover.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think you have to put yourself in his shoes for a minute, spending time with people he has only met once before to celebrate a holiday he doesn't even believe in just to make you happy. Yes it would be nice if he did go for you, but it's an awkward situation for him to be put into and you need to understand that. Talk to him about how you are feeling and see if he'd come over some other time maybe.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Maybe he doesn't know that it means a lot to you for him to come. Have you told him how you feel about it?
    During Christian holidays, does your family do a lot of praying or singing? Bible study? Maybe he knows this or is speculating about it and knows he would feel uncomfortable. If all it is is a bunch of people gathering round for sharing of good food, then I see no reason as to why he would flat-out refuse to come.

    0|0
    0|0
    • He could also be afraid that certain members of your family will make attempts to convert him or try to talk to him about having Jesus in his heart. Has he been to a family gathering of yours before?

  • More from Girls
    27
Loading...