I understand that everyone has their own beliefs, so I am not trying to judge someone who doesn't share my same beliefs. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months, and he has met my family once before. I grew up in a very Christian family, so Easter is a special day for us. My parents invited my boyfriend over for Easter brunch this weekend, but since he is atheist he is refusing to come.
I haven't told my family he is atheist yet, but since he doesn't believe in the holiday, is it wrong for me to be mad that he won't come simply to support me and spend time with my family? I don't want to tell my family he doesn't want to come, but I also don't want to lie to them. I am so torn on what to do! Is this a red flag he doesn't want to be with me on a day that truly means so much to me? Am I wrong for being mad?
Most Helpful Guy
As an atheist I can tell you Easter is the most uncomfortable holiday for me. Christmas is easy because there's a whole other non Christian side to Christmas. But Easter is about one thing and one thing only and you can't escape it. In my head it's just a day. It's not a very important day (to me). It just so happens that other people celebrate on it. It's like how Christians feel during hanukkah. The only difference is many Christians react defensively when they find out your an atheist. It's one thing to say I believe in a different god it's another thing to say I think all of this is wrong and nonexistent. People don't like having such a major part of their lives dismissed like that. And although many Christians can and do have positive relationships with athiest Easter is the touchiest time. Being an atheist at a Easter celebration is like walking around a crowded room with a movement sensitive bomb strapped to your chest that no one else but you knows about. You have no clue what might come out of your mouth. Sometimes even not commenting can become offensive. It's scary. And it's not scary because your afraid of saying something bad it's scary because you might loose everyone all over something that feels trivial to you anyways. So on Easter I tend to avoid conversations with adults and or stay isolated at home till it's all over. He's staying away not because he doesn't want to be with you he's staying away because he really really does but is afraid this day could ruin everything. Especially if you've only been dating 6 months.0
Most Helpful Girl
I personally wouldn't mind spending an Easter brunch with my boyfriend's family, even if they were super religious. I'm an atheist and I don't really mind as long as it isn't shoved down my throat. I could tolerate and appreciate a simple brunch. I don't want any side-eyes or snide remarks from the family though.
However, not everyone is like me, therefore your boyfriend has the right to decline the offer if he thinks it doesn't fit his views. You can't force him to join a religious brunch. Neither should he force you to join an atheist brunch or something. Therefore you don't have the right to be mad, really.
There are a few things you could do, though.
1. Explain to your parents that he's an atheist, and ask them to possibly tone it down a bit (as in, don't start preaching to your boyfriend)
2. Explain to your boyfriend that it's just brunch, and that yes, while it is religious, he's not there to be converted. He can come just to enjoy a meal with your parents.
I think that's about all you can do, if you want to try to make things work.7