Should I date this girl I don't find attractive?

First of all, I'm in my mid 20ies and never had a girlfriend before.
I noticed that there's a girl at my university who seems interested in me. I always wanted a girlfriend to love and get loved, but never had enought luck. She's the first girl where I noticed interest. She is a really nice person and I like hanging out with her, but there's only one problem (pls. don't judge me), optically she isn't really my type. I don't find her ugly, but she's not the kind of girl I look after.
I really don't know what to do. On the one hand I like her, and would love to have a girlfriend. On the other hand I really don't wanna hurt her because I don't know if her attractiveness would be a problem for me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Start Off as her Friend right now, no one says you Two Need to be dancing down the aisle tomorrow. Hang out, keep it light and semi sweet and who Knows... Perhaps with getting to know her, Nursing and Nurturing a Nice Friendship, She may grow on you.
    Unconditional love and Accepting someone with any Flaw is Not a Law but it makes a Healthier relationship, and with or without Looks... It actually Cooks.
    Give her a Chance for a possible Romance and if you find You can't, then leave her Alone and Stay Home.
    Good luck and Go slow, Joe. xx

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here is some advice you can use for life: Look for the kind of girl who likes the kind of guy that you are.

    Go out with her, get to know her.

    Many, many years ago, I was snail mailing a girl (before email was common). Her letters were nice, but I couldn't get over that she was not attractive in the face from her photo. I stopped writing. A while later, I received a letter from someone else who said she was the first girl's cousin. She was reasonably pretty, so I went to meet her. She lied, they were sisters. So I met them both and the first girl was driving the conversation, trying to get me and the sister together. At dinner, the three of us, plus one little sister went to dinner. At the end, I told the little one and the #2 to go outside. I was going to talk with #1. I confronted her on what she was doing. She was trying to help her sister, but she also knew that her sister wasn't interested, but she and I had a real connection. I called the other two girls in and we explained what had transpired (the little girl was totally confused). I felt really bad about dropping her over her looks, because we really did get along well, and soon found out we could have a good time in bed.

    Attractiveness is not limited to looks. Personality and how the girl responds to you are more important.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Give it a try but do NOT have "girlfriend" as a definite end game. What I mean is, take her out a few times. Those scenarios are so different. If you feel something or might feel it, keep trying, but do NOT force it. This sounds like forcing, but it's really giving someone a shot. I've been surprised once or twice before; you might not know yourself that well and that's why people date at all. Yes we all have the hope that it works out, but people go on dates because as much as we think we know what we like, we don't really know til we try. Trust me on that one haha, I've ended up liking guys I never expected to and not liking ones I was sure I would. Be open to the possibility, but just don't force it cause you want a girlfriend. Relationships are only fun when you're with someone you want to be with.

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  • Don't date her. You'll only end up hurting yourself and her. Don't rush into a relationship just because you never had one. It sucks and I've made that mistake before. From what I see, you're unintentionally leading her on. At least ask her on a date once because you'll get to know a person better when the friendship barrier is lowered. She won't reveal any intimate things about her because you're not her boyfriend and you two are just friends. But on a date, that's when people try to flaunt themselves to hook a lover/companion. So overall, just ask her out and see if your opinion is still the same but don't ask her to be your girlfriend immediately because of your loneliness.

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  • Well, if you're not attracted to her it seems it's just a friendship. I wouldn't waste her time or yours.

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    • would be much easier if a ton of girls would be interested in me ;-)

    • Yeah, but you won't be happy if you aren't attracted to her. Looks aren't everything in my opinion. I've dated guys who I didn't find attractive but they were fun and their personalities were GREAT. BUT because you mentioned the fact that you didn't find her attractive and mentioned that it's possible it'll become a problem in the future, it's just not going to work.

  • I think you should give it a try, since you said you don't find her completely unattractive and she's just not your type. It would be different if you didn't like her at all. I think we should be able to recognize beauty regardless of those 3 or 4 characteristics we like. You might like black hair, but you're going to find attractive a girl with blonde hair when you get to know her and grow attached to her.

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  • If you don't want to hurt her
    She's not your type

    These are valid reasons to not date her or lie to her

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  • Maybe you should go on a date, see if you could develop an attraction to her, if that doesn't help don't lead her on, and don't worry you will find your girl:)

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  • No, wait until you find someone you're attracted to.

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  • Yes date her simply for experience as bad as it sounds maybe you'll see her long term.

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  • I wasn't m unattracted to my best friend. I liked her ( yes her) and she liked me. She was going to ask me out but I just said that we can't because I don't want to ruin our friendship but the real reason is because I was afraid that j was going to be unattracted by her weight. If I like a girl, she needs to be r pretty and attractive to me everywhere. Yes she was pretty but I was afraid I would hurt her if I said yes and then wasn't attracted to her. So in my opinion, no matter how desperate, just don't do it.

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  • date her maybe you can find the one you are looking for in her.

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  • Perhaps you will grow more attracted to her as you get to know her more

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What Guys Said 16

  • you already seems confused with the case, so it is better to stay away until you are sure about anything give yourself more time, time will clear the fog and things will become clear, don't rush unless you either mess up yourself or her, she is a nice person she doesn't deserve to be hurt or treated badly so just be careful about her, don't get confused with your needs into attractiveness or just for the sake of making a girlfriend your need and her interest in you making you weak because she seems an easy target for fulfilling your girlfriend desire but it really have no future, as you will soon get bored then things will become bitter and worse you guys better be friends and have patience wait for the special one to come in your life that day you would feel damn sure about her. if you are not interested and attracted towards her then don't go for it just because she seems an easy girlfriend for you, relationship is way more than that, don't spoil your beautiful friendship with her, this will keep you and her happy and safe from getting hurt. I hope I helped.

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  • FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO!!! UR MY TWILIGHT ZONE... lol.
    hmmmm ur an odd case. the whole no girlfriend thing is a hard one. i think im going to stick with no though. i think in the end after the fresh leather smell wears off ur going to be really upset and then ur going to hurt a "nice girls" heart. its fun being an ass hole but only when its on purpose, not as a side effect. i would honestly even be careful being friends with her, chicks are squierlly ones and next thing u know ur sleeping with her and she's moving in... hasn't happened but u hear about it all the time, have had a friend actually lol sucker hehe. anyway NO! anyway if u want a girlfriend that badly, have u tried to amplify some trait? like are u smart? go to the college student center and help chicks study? chicks are stupid :) ... lots of ugly people with no talent or skills go to the gym. its an easy way to look pretty decent. will req some time and effort, possibly dedication, but u will get chicks again regardless of how ugly beforehand. lots of options man, find something and go with it. also there is always the shallow route, throw money around and the diggers will come running. though thats the worst ones, i would not advise that, but its an option non the less.

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    • About the diggers. I'm a student, I don't have money tho throw around ;-)
      And I don't want a girlfriend who is into my money. I don't want a girlfriend that much.

  • it wouldn't be fair to her if you ended up still not being able to grow attraction towards her because of her looks, regardless of how great she is in your eyes. its a risk friendo.

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    • but casually dating is a start

    • That's the reason I doubt. I really don't wann hurt her, I know how shit it feels

  • How about getting a pic of her so we can get a better idea of her looks. Perhaps she's a beauty but you can't see it. If she's sweet and more than friendly there would be nothing wrong in dating her. Perhaps your visual standards are higher than reality.

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  • the only thing i can say is looks get old but personality is for a life time. yes you might be able to get a 10 in looks but if she doesn't have the personality it will never work. even if that 10 and you did click what the chances she will look like that in 20 years so you are still stuck with a good personality.
    from my experience is looks can and go grow on you when you are with someone who you are really compatible with.

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  • Date someone because you find them irresistible in all respects, not because you feel like you're supposed to have a girlfriend.

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    • I would totaly agree with you if I could choose out of a big pool. But there aren't that many girls who want to date me.
      And I definitly like her personality.

    • You have to find your girlfriend physically attractive. It shouldn't be something you even have to think about - you should look at her and love what you see. You are getting into a relationship for its own sake as opposed to because you've met the right person. This isn't fair to her or you.

  • Personality is more important in my opinion. If you base it on looks, then the relationship is basically built on sand. If you truly like her personality and get along with her, then I say go for it.

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  • No point in leading her on by going on a date when you know she isn't good enough for you. All it'll do is cause you a massive headache, so it's best you just next her. You know what you want, and if she doesn't measure up then don't force it just to 'not be an asshole'.

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  • Don't.. Just don't. ... trust me I have been there and done that... I always had the problem complimenting her and flirting with her!

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  • Date her. The longer you know her, if she really is that nice, the better she will look.

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  • No. Beauty may be skin deep but ugly is to the bone.
    Find a girl that is physically attractive to you or you will never be able to maintain the attraction. They only get worse as they age, not better. By 40 it's all downhill.

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  • No you shouldn't.

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  • What's your purpose?

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  • I would have expected such an idiotic question from a girl - but not from a guy *facepalm*

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  • Does the idea of her naked being sexual with you appeal, or not?

    If no, don't pursue it.

    If yes? A lot of inexperienced guys walk around waiting for a girl whose face makes them sigh inside. That feeling? That's bullshit.

    Someone nice who makes your dick hard, that's real.

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  • yessss

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