Boyfriend has no motivation, and won't help himself. what do I do?

He's been ill recently, & doesn't get paid for days off. i've tried being nice & offer to see him, but he just complains, even when i said i had a hospital appointment, he talks about himself. He runs away from responsibilities, & says he needs a holiday. When I questioned our relationship, he's been a bit distant. He said we never say the big word. Well he could say it! Why twist it to sound like it's my fault. He doesn't have many friends. His mum died when he was young & his sister took some of his money & moved country.

I care about him, but I feel like he won't change. I haven't seen him in over a week, because we just didn't meet up. The weekend before he took me out everywhere, because i said we don't go out enough. His 'friends' are all losers. He works in a job where he could become supervisor, but stays at the level he is now.

I tried to talk about our relationship, but he says he doesn't know what to do & he's sorry he's like this. I said last night I can come with him to the doctors, but he hasn't spoken to me today, just read my message. I called him last night & he text me back instead. He was the one who text first, just complaining about being sick.

He's just going on with life monotonously, not caring enough about anything, or us & I want to help, but he wants to control our time so he sees me when he wants & he won't let me in. He's 32 not 22.

He's not mean & is very affectionate, but he seems like he doesn't want any commitments in life.


What Guys Said 1

  • He is depressed from the sounds of it. You can know everything is wrong but just be unable to muster any enthusiasm or energy to do something about it.

    You can suggest that he seek help on this. If he refuses and insists he's fine, that's all you can do. You can't force him to do anything. In that case (and trust me, I've been there as the frustrated partner looking at the shiftless one) it's time to consider whether the relationship is worth continuing.


What Girls Said 1

  • Yea you need to go, he won't change and you will be unhappy , if you stay you're going to regret it. Don't settle for that and he won't get his shit together until something drastic happens in his life. If you stick around in a few years , you're going to be like, " why didn't I leave a long time ago" and you're going to resent him. "There is no passion to be found playing small, in settling for a life that is less than one you are cabable of living"