Is my boyfriend protective or controlling?

He's really sweet and cares about me. If it feels cold, he always makes me wear his jacket, and when we're walking together, he always makes sure that I walk on the inside. If we go out drinking, he'll make sure that I drink a lot of water, which seems like the opposite of what every guy I dated (i. e. try to get me drunk) and although he's never explicitly told me to stop drinking, you can tell that he approves when I tell him that I can't drink anymore. He's about 5 years older than me, so I always get the feeling that he's super protective of me, he really enjoys teaching me things, or getting me to experience new things. I think he gets some pleasure out of being my superior or something, and I don't mind having so knowledgeable around either. Our relationship is really new only a month or so but some of my friends are saying that he seems unusually protective and that could be bad news down the road (before we dated he definitely wanted to know if other male coworkers of mine had asked me out and so on) So far he hasn't shown a lot of jealousy or anything. Should I be worried?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • That is a bit of a red flag. As long as his behavior doesn't go any further since he is on the line of becoming over protective like if he freaks out whenever you talk to other guys or picks a fight with every dude that looks like you. Guys who act overprotective or controlling are generally doing that out of insecurity. It's the only way they know how to validate themselves as a man. He needs to know you're an adult and not a child and you can take care of yourself. You're a person not his property.

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    • Which parts stand out as being a red flag, if you don't mind me asking?

    • Your intuition he enjoys the thought of being your superior. It's definitely not good for someone to think like that. Does he tell you to drink water when drinking. Just based on what you said it seems like he thinks you're helpless as if you couldn't function without him (you can you've lived up until recently without him just fine)

Most Helpful Girl

  • God, I wish I had a guy that was like your boyfriend. He's looking out for you, love, and that's what most guys seem to forget these days. I kid you not, it was sunny outside and then unexpectedly, a storm brewed and he literally jumped into his car, saying that he doesn't like the rain and he'll see me later, leaving me all alone and shivering in the heavy rain. I had to call my grandmother to pick me up. Needless to say, our relationship ended right there. A real man/boyfriend would have shielded a girlfriend from the rain and drove her home. So, I am jealous of your relationship because there aren't a lot of men out there, except for man boys and fuck boys.

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What Guys Said 11

  • You can't really be protective without being at least a little controlling. He does sound like a dominate person though. A lot of women like dominate men, and others don't. I don't really see a red flag at this point unless you don't like dominate guys. I would imagine that you must prefer dominate guys, otherwise you wouldn't be interested in dating a guy like him anyway, and would instead be dating a more submissive guy.

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  • Nah... Forget about what your little girlfriends have to say. Most guys that are in serious relationships tend to want a certain amount of confidence in someone, and yes, may even want to look out for your well-being... Is that so bad?
    As long as he's not over controlling or domineering, criticizing you... Or trying to control your every thought or becomes overly jealous or abusive. it just sounds to me that he is a mature "gentleman" who seems to genuinely care about you and your well-being.

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  • He just sounds protective to me. I don't like my girlfriend drinking too much without me around either, drunk women are obviously very vulnerable, and he's not trying to get you drunk and take advantage of you is he? I'd say he respects you more than your other boyfriends did. A little jealousy is normal, you just don't want it to go too far. Without aiming it at him maybe you could talk about a previous experience where an ex got too jealous and how you thought it was wrong so he gets the picture.

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  • I'm really not seeing any big warning signs here. Now, for example, if he were to make you wear his jacket after you refused, then it might be a different story. But I'm just not seeing that here. And when you said "other" male co-workers, does that mean he is one also? If so, that's the only issue I see, but it's likely a minor one.

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    • Yup, that's the part I'm kind of worried about too. I never thought that I'd be attracted to a coworker, but I've never been attracted to anyone like I've been attracted to him, so I guess I can't help it!

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    • Yeah, I told him that they asked me out, but that I wasn't interested and that I turned them down. To be honest, I think I was kind of flattered when he asked, because he had picked out exactly the people who asked me out. He must have been interested in me even then!

    • Then I don't think you have anything to worry about. It sounds like he's respecting boundaries.

  • he's super protective of your health lol the drinking part. Almost half the drinking hang overs are caused by dehydration.

    he's sounds just super chill.

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  • He's the jealous type. My ex rebounded to a guy like that but she was just as jealous as him especially if she saw me looking around (which meant I was checking other women out).

    If you like a clingy guy go for it. But things will get messy if things don't work out. There will be tons of drama.

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  • all i see is someone who cares about your well being. and yes staying hydrated is neglected by many people.

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  • He seems slightly on the controlling side. No question on whether he's protective. Should you be worried? Maybe a little, but it's too early to tell.

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    • I think I'm probably the most independent and opinionated woman he's ever dated (I kind of knew who his ex-girlfriend was and she was the most quiet and demure woman ever, although he claims that she was a feminist...) so maybe he just needs time to adjust. Knowing myself, I don't think I'd let him push me around :)

    • Yeah, don't let any guy push you around.

  • He definitely cares, as long as this doesn't turn into over protection

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    • Good to know, I like to think that the man I chose for myself isn't crazy!

  • It's both. He's over obsessed and possessive.

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  • I can see him with a club in one hand and pulling her by the hair in the other
    like a caveman saying Me Ugg you my woman come with me.

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What Girls Said 14

  • Not one thing you said sounds worrisome to me. Being that its the beginning of the relationship he could even be more protective now, trying to highlight his good qualities and maybe dial it back later. Bottom line I think 1 month is too soon to make any judgements. No need to worry until there's actually something to worry about.

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  • if he REALLY does those things then i can tell you gurl HE'S THE ONE.
    he cares about you , and want to make you feel happy while you're on his arms , he doesn't want you to slip from his hands , he's protective because he doesn't want something bad happen to you. i think he does love you. my opinion :)

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  • Do you feel unsafe? Does he ever make you feel uncomfortable? Do you ever feel as though you have to change your behaviour to avoid a bad reaction from him?

    If the answers to the above questions are all no, I would say you don't have anything to worry about. Yet.

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  • Well, it seems he really cares about you. But if he gets to overprotive that's not a good thing. He could get in the way of your realtionships and such.
    If this happens make sure to confront and tell him about it. But if your afraid if any harm will come your way tell your friends about it first.
    I hope this helps and I wish you luck

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  • I think you've got a really sweet boyfriend, if you both are happy together, do, t let people ruin your relationship or start playing with your head.
    even if u are close to someone, they can get jealous and try to ruin things, so YOU make your decisions, YOU see if you're feeling that he's controlling you ( which I don't see at all ).. Good luck together 😊

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  • At this point it doesn't seem overly protective or controlling. The hit about him asking if any male colleagues has asked you out bugs me a bit but otherwise nothing flies out at me as a red flag.

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  • Worried, no but be cautious like he may not want you to hang out with certain friends because they're a bad influence or whatever.

    I like older guys too because they kind of guide/teach you but being overprotective is too much for me personally since my parents and older brother are. Some find it endearing though like they care so much

    As of now it doesn't seem like a problem but who knows after a few months

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  • Its too early to tell. While its great that he cares about your health, comfort and safety it could mean something else. I have known very few guys who are that protective however in the end it was a good thing. If he started going through your phone or social media accounts then yeah he is controlling. See what happens. Sometimes its not always as bad as it may seem and because you stated guys before him tried to get you drunk for an example it (being protected) may be a new thing for you.

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  • He may just be a little more on the chauvanistic side of things.

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  • I clearly don't see a problem here, he is your boyfriend not your girlfriends. If you start letting your friends interfere like that then one day one of them will fuck up your relationship.

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  • I'm the same way. My boyfriend is 21 and my friend thinks that he's controlling me and abusing me just because we have each others passwords to our phones and Facebook. But I think it's okay :)

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  • no. but he sounds boring af. who can like someone like that. i mean don't we all fall for the bad guys

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  • I think there's a reason to be cautious since it's still just the beginning of your relationship and you haven't dated for that long. Perhaps he's just protective/want to be nice, i think time will tell, and try to listen to your instincts.

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  • Just be on the look out, most abusive men start off like that. Just saying from experience.

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