If a guy only used me for sex a few times, is it because I wasn't good enough to be more?

We are juniors in college. I never hooked up with a guy prior to him. He was the second guy I slept with. He took advantage of me... I thought maybe he wanted something more because he appeared to; and frankly I didn't care if it was a one night stand (at first), but because he kept showing interest after the first time... I got my hopes up, and was pretty crushed & disheartened when I had caught feelings and he left me cold.

is it because he thought I could be something but then I wasn't what he was looking for? He never even gave me a chance... We only watched a movie and talked for a half hour before sex. And the following 2 times after it was the same pattern. Was I not good enough in bed? Maybe he didn't like me in some way? Maybe he thought I would be something better? I've always seen and known what a player is, but I don't know everyone is telling me he is just a player, he only has one nighters (which he told me) but I can't help feel like I wasn't adequate in some way.. I couldn't change him or make him want more.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Most men have some desire for a variety of partners. My desire for partner-variety seems to be pretty low compared to most guys who have the same sex drive as me, but i am aware others have it. There are good evolutionary reasons for men to like the idea of having sex with a lot of different women.

    So my basic assumption? If the sex sucked, he wouldn't have wanted it again. Why didn't he keep wanting more? Because the next girl is always better for him then the last girl. He just wants to sleep with lots of different girls. That's it. Not someone better than you. Just different.

    It's also quite possible he actively does NOT want to develop feelings, so forces himself to move on before he does. Feelings leads to monogamy, and too often, monogamy leads to sex only when partner feels like it and less sex and frustration.

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What Guys Said 4

  • No, it's because you allowed it to happen. You let yourself be used.
    Stop playing the victim all the time.

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  • He didn't take advantage of you. You even said at the start you didn't care if it was just a one night stand. Clearly you were fine with it at the time. Second of all, he told you he only had one nighters. How much more obvious could he have been that this wasn't going to be a relationship

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What Girls Said 2

  • no, it's because he's not willing to have a relationship. there's nothing wrong at your end, just remember to pursue relationships with your intention clear.

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  • Absolutely, if a guy cares about you he will want more than to have sex a few times. He will want to fuck all the time!!!

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