Men never want to initiate anymore, so I guess I will be alone forever?

I just don't understand. Everyone is always like "you've just got to wait for the right one," "you've got plenty of time," blah, blah, blah. On the outside, I act like I like being single (and I do to some degree), but I'm so tired of being alone and only attracting men that a) never try to take me out and actually date/get to know me or b) are just plain psycho.

I'm independent. Have my own place. Graduated college. I've got a lot going for me at 23, but it seems it means nothing. My friend that's 32 and lived at home until a month ago (moved in with me) has already found a guy and been dating him for a few weeks. Her coworker set her up.

My coworker set me up this past December and the guy would only text and Snap and never ask me out. He said we would go out "after the holidays died down." He never made plans, but would message me me, so I deleted him. Just like the guy who I was talking to recently... he wanted to text HUGE messages instead of making solid plans to meet/get to know me. We both already had plans the first two weekends after he said we should go out, so I thought he'd ask me about the weekend after that. So, after waiting for him to make plans and it becoming apparent that he wasn't going to, I quit replying. He text me "Happy Easter" a few days later and once I replied out of kindness, he ignored me and hasn't text me since.

Just SICK of the childish bull crap. My roommate had to mention going out to the guy she's dating. He didn't ask her out, essentially. I just don't like that and don't think a woman should have to initiate a first date. I guess I will be alone forever. :/


0|0
8|22

Most Helpful Guy

  • You can thank feminism.
    We were told that a woman needed a man in the way that a fish needed a bicycle.
    We were told that all sex was rape, so all men were rapists.
    We lost university places, jobs and promotions to women who were less competent, but a quota had to be filled.
    We were fired for sexually harassing a coworker, because we asked her on a date.
    Men have seen lives ruined by false rape allegations, because a woman changed her mind the next day, or week, or month, or year.
    We have seen friends, relatives and colleagues destroyed by divorce courts and turned into impoverished slaves for life via child-support orders.
    All that and more... and you wonder why an increasing number of men stay away. I suggest that you go to YouTube and search for Sexodus.

    1|2
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Girl, YOU can initiate too. You can't just sit around and expect for prince charming to waltz in and save the day. YOU need to make the plans.

    I know how frustrating it can be, trust me. I've been there. BUT you shouldn't complain if you aren't making any kind of effort. He doesn't have to be the one to ask you out. If you seriously think that women shouldn't initiate, you need to get with the times. That's not how things work these days and THAT IS OK. There are plenty of guys that would like being asked out by a girl.

    You will not be forever alone if you make an effort. You will be if you keep on deleting guys on social networks and complaining about it.

    Sorry for the "tough love" response, but that's just how it is.

    2|1
    0|0
    • I really appreciate your response. I'm from the south, so that kind of maximizes my expectancy of chivalry. I feel like a Jane Austen of the 21st century, not fitting in with what society sees as the "norm."

      However, I believe in equality in worth, but I actually like gender roles. I fall somewhere in the middle of this chivalry/feminism debate.

      I need to work on my acceptance of the dating world as it is. I've just got in mind the kind of man I'm looking for and he isn't the type that would expect me to make the moves. I've also had bad experiences in the past when I made the moves as a younger woman and asked guys out... it never went in my favor, despite all the men that say they love it.

      Anyway, thank you so much. I appreciate your words and I feel like they helped me see it from a different perspective. 😊

    • As I said to another poster above, I think my issue arises because I'm waiting for them to ask me out and when they don't, I drift away. They think I'm playing games, when I'm just old-fashioned and reading their actions as meaning they aren't interested.

What Guys Said 21

  • Stop whining and go out and find someone you like! Ask him out!! Why are you crying, waiting, and btching that nobody asks you out? Are you a second-class person, that needs a man to ask you, or are you an EQUAL?
    That old chivalry sht is gone! Women killed it, saying it was 'sexist' and that it made them 'inferiors'.
    Times have changed! YOU need to go after the guy you want!! What's really in it, for him? Kids, a relationship, family, overwhelming bills? You have to have some AMAZING kind of 'something' for him to give up the casual 'hook-ups' and the daily freedom, becoming a 'boyfriend' in a 'relationship'!!
    Why would a sane guy do some kind of 'relationship' thing, when he can get what he needs, and move on? It's really all on you, because the ROI to guys just isn't there!
    Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I've tried it, many times, and it has NEVER been worth the time and money. . . Just reality, from one person's perspective. . .

    1|1
    0|0
    • I just prefer a stance that is somewhere in the middle. I believe men and women are equal in worth, but I believe in gender roles. I actually like them. I want to cook, clean, and take care of my husband. I want him to lead, being the head of the household. This whole feminist, equality bullshit wasn't my idea and frankly, it's now how I believe.

      I think that's why it's so difficult for me. I guess I need to work on accepting that I'm an old soul stuck in a different era where, as you said, chivalry is dead. I just want to find someone like me and it's proving impossible. When I'm expecting the man to step up and lead, they're expecting me to chase after them like other women and it always goes to shit because they think I'm playing games, but I'm really just old-fashioned.

      Hopefully I can accept this bullshit era soon.

    • Show All
    • Thank you for the kind words! I do believe we share similar beliefs. I don't plan on ever settling. Sometimes it just gets tiring to look for something that's different from societal norms.

    • I think it is one of those things, and you work, and struggle, and have a lot of fails, but when you actually get what you were wanting, working so hard for, hoping, believing, it is just that much better for all the pain, trouble, angst, and work that you put into it!!
      I want to believe that!!

  • Well, with that attitude, it's better to stay alone, you'd safe men a lot of trouble.
    So much that you say you have, but you rather sit down and wait, like if you were a princess, like if you were better than men.
    It feels like whatever you've accomplished, wasn't actually accomplished but handed to you.
    Get your ass out of the couch and talk to men, the reason no one asks you out is because of you, you're the problem, you're too full of yourself.

    1|3
    0|0
    • Lol. Very judgmental reply. Definitely didn't get anything handed to me. I've worked my ass off and continue to do so. I'm definitely not full of myself. Maybe not slam someone in a reply? Think it says more about you than it does me.

    • You want us to give you advice on something like getting men to like you, and you expect us not to judge you? Every single person that read this post judged you, get over it, we all judge.
      Also, I do not know you, so my opinion will only be based on what you wrote on this post, if you wanted a better opinion, give more details about you.
      If you've worked your ass off for what you have, then you should know that you need to work even harder when things don't go as planned, and so far, your dating life isn't going as planned, meaning, you gotta put on some effort, but from what you wrote, it doesn't seem like you're willing to put any effort.

  • You can initiate

    2|3
    0|0
    • I don't like initiating. I much prefer the man to lead, but it seems finding a man like that is VERY rare nowadays. That's the issue.

    • With that attitude, good look in finding him 👌🏼

    • @Asker Men will initiate if they feel there's something worth fighting for.

  • Men have no reason to initiate these days

    Initiate for what?

    A spoiled princess?
    Someone who throws their ass all over the internet?
    Someone who thinks their 5 degrees makes them wife material, regardless of the shit-ton of debt they'll never pay off? This isn't a job interview

    Someone who just wants free meals?
    Someone who has no idea how to be in a relationship?
    Someone who sees you as a tool?
    Someone who either can't or won't cook & clean, even in equal amounts
    Someone with no ambitions?
    A gold-digger?
    A whore?
    A self-entitled narcissist?
    Someone who never wants to initiate but expects other to?

    Of course I'm not referring to all women. Hell, probably not even half. Just too noticeable an amount to even bother trying. Only about 4 (maybe 5) of those I listed AREN'T dealbreakers

    I've been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for 10 months as of today. I hear these complaints a lot and just thought I'd compile them all together

    0|0
    0|0
  • understand that things aren't easy for men anymore where dating is concerned. A lot of feminist outlets call men sexist for approaching women they are sexually attracted to. Remember the video of the model walking through new york that went viral? Just for saying hi, you can be viewed negatively, let alone being direct and upfront. There's a lot of mixed messages coming out from feminist camps, and tbh it makes me wonder how they even find a man to date. Basically, you can only talk to women in preapproved places that feminists approve of, and outside of those select few places, its considered street harassment. Most men aren't brave enough to challenge that, so they just end up not making a move at all

    0|0
    0|0
    • I can see that and I hate it for y'all. The whole dating scene is a mixed message. The feminist influence is just absurd. I'm all about equality of worth, but that doesn't mean gender roles are the devil. Only time they are is when someone is using them to belittle a man/woman' worth.

    • @negrodamuss did you really change your name to negrodamuss? lmao.

    • @Northeast106 it was my original username. had to bring it back from the grave!

      @Asker yep, which is why im looking forward to heading out to eastern Europe at some point where its not so bad

  • Lol well it's partly waiting in the way of being patient but part of it is also taking initiative yourself, the world isn't going to hand you what you want on a silver platter after all.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You're going to be single forever... unless... you initiate.

    You can do that too, you know, there's no point in sitting around and waiting for someone to read your mind and ask you out.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You're gonna have to learn to initiate, cupcake. Just because you're a girl doesn't mean you're entitled to boys. Go out there and start hustling.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I'm old-fashioned and it's just how I prefer. I like the man to lead. I don't want to question who has the penis and who has the vagina in the equation. But, unfortunately, that seems to be the issue with a lot of men today. I never said I was entitled. I just don't believe in this whole feminist, man-chasing bullshit. If a man can't ask me out on a single date, how can I expect him to be a potential husband, father, head of the household, and spiritual leader? I'm not here to bash men, I'm just trying to say that it's very hard to find someone who believes like I do.

    • @asker Spiritual leader? Are you a christian?

    • @MoonlitSonata I am

  • With that attitude.. you better stay alone lol.

    0|0
    0|0
  • lol, it depends on the area. the guys at my school were freaking players chasing after anything they could get their hands on. just demographics I guess.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Get over yourself. You aren't some treasure or princess that guys should have to quake at your very presence. Maybe no one is pursuing, because you don't show anything worth pursuing. Sounds like you have a huge ego, and guys don't like that.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I love how men like yourself nowadays, just because you believe in old-fashioned gender roles that coincide with equality in worth, call you an entitled princess.

      I don't want guys to "quake at my every presence." I just want a man who accepts/prefers old-fashioned gender roles.

  • The way I see it, it's not worth the effort going out there and approaching. Maybe it's all the pot I smoke that makes me not want to put the effort

    0|0
    0|0
  • That sucks, just focus on your career then

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yep.

    0|0
    0|0
    • That's what I thought. Might as well start racking up on cats. Lmao. 😂

  • If you never ask anyone out then you can only blame yourself for being single.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Better to be alone than getting into trouble.

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's cause you haven't met my boi @Keyslayers

    0|0
    0|0
  • Better get used to it a lot of us dont like initiating either

    0|0
    0|0
  • You're right, guys don't want to initiate anymore because we are tired of the rejection. We have all the same thoughts, insecurities and feelings women do about making the first move and yet, we're expected to. It's really not fair. Personally (and I think a lot of guys would agree), I'm sick of it. It's time women get off this mentality and take some initiative to. I'd love it if the woman would make the first move for once. Then we as guys know you're interested in us and don't have to guess and wonder all the time. I personally want a woman that's not afraid to make the first move. I'm not saying guys should stop, but it would sure be a nice refreshing change if the women did every once and a while.

    0|0
    0|0
  • its good that you won't procreate

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hey if sitting around and looking pretty of it isn't working then you need to do something different. Sure, sure, you might just be plain unlucky but there's billions of men around. If you're not attracting anyone you like there is most likely something that you need to do different.

    It is much more likely after all that the fault is there then with allthe 3.7billion men.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 7

  • Lol if I wasn't initiating, I would never have a boyfriend. It is what it is. I've been on soooo many dates and honestly, I can count on my one hand how many times THEY initiated. It's a 21st century honey, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm going to be the one on my knees asking him to marry me. :D The good thing about having the confidence to initiate is that once you do it couple of times it becomes very easy and fun. And sexy. Guys like confident girls. And guys are way easier to get then girls are. Be happy that you are a girl.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Honestly, I think personally there a reason a theory I came up with is that. No college guy or a guy in his early 20s is going to settle down until their 30s. Why should they, in this generation they been praising guys for banging left and right. So when a guy wants to be just like every guy he going to act like every guy. Also the problem is also with females giving it up so easy to these guys which makes dating and love harder in general. But I am just like you, I been having a hard time finding a guy either he doesn't like me or he a psycho. Like women use to make guys work to earn the booty now they don't have to do anything other then text and ask "want netflix and chill".

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah its a thing of chance. Don't let it get you down. Everyone is nervous of asking whoever out. Be friends with a guy you like and hint it. If he doesn't follow through then move on. You can't make people have balls dude.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Why don't you initiate?

    1|1
    0|0
  • Why do you need a man? What role can these men play in your life?

    While it's true that men don't like "needy" women, men DO like to feel needed.

    You also seem a tad impatient. If you want the man to initiate, sorry but you will need to learn patience and how to work on his time table.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you seem friendly and open, guys will approach. They're wired to want to. But if you're all scowly and pissed off, your vibes aren't going to welcome them. Maybe you need to work on feeling more upbeat in general.

    But I agree, who first talks to who is not a big deal.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yup, I feel this way too. Even when I initiate and try to get to see them they still want nothing to do with me. I just don't get it!

    Like you I have a job, I also have my own car. I'm working on finding a place, Im just not sure what the heck is wrong.

    Don't get me wrong, I actively initiate and ask guys out on dates. Rarely do they go through with it. I don't know why they can't just be honest and say they aren't interested. I'm not going to stalk them or anything.

    I find people are so flakey now a days, it's crazy. You make plans with someone, for two weeks from now, and then they disappear.

    This guy I was talking to seemed to really like me. I really liked him. But it became apparent he isn't over his ex. But he made a plan to go on a date with me on April 10th. I found that kind of odd, but I agreed to the date because I do like him and want to get to know him. But now he's stopped talking to me. His ex girlfriend cheated on him and he said she treated him poorly.

    I'm not sure if he's going back to her or what. But it just makes me sad. Like what does she have that I don't have? I don't cheat on my bfs and I treat them really well! I just don't get it!!!

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...