How am I supposed to take this?

Feeling a bit hurt tonight, guys! Would love your help and/or advice. My boyfriend and I have been together over 1.5 years now. We used to basically live together, but I felt like he was starting to take me for granted, so I decided that maybe he should start staying at his place through the week and we can stay together on the weekends. I mentioned to him though that we can still get together and do things during the week... dinner or something just to see each other. Anyway, it's been a few weeks of this now and I reached out to him the first week to have dinner with me. He declined, saying he was too tired. But, he ended up going to a friends house for dinner, which was about 10 minutes from me. I confronted him because I was hurt... he said that he was just too tired to go out to a restaurant. Plus, his roommate drove them. After telling him how I felt, I let it go. But, since then I have not once attempted to make a point to see him after my utter rejection. More importantly, he has not once reached out to me to see me during the week. I mean, I can sort of understand as we live about 20 minutes away and he works really long hours. However, tonight stung. He calls me and tells me he just got back from dinner. Normally, he and his roommate go to dinner and that's no big deal, but tonight it was a friend's birthday dinner. He didn't call or text me to see if I wanted to meet up with them. The dinner was like 5 minutes from my house. Every guy who has a girlfriend had her by his side (I asked him who all was there). I expressed that this hurt and he said that it crossed his mind to ask, but "it was late and I didn't think you'd want to be out that late since you have to work tomorrow". Let me just say that they went to dinner around 8pm. He apologized and said he would ask me next time. But, what the frick? We don't see each

Cut me off...

We don't see each other during the week, so I don't know how to take any of this. He claims he misses me during the week, makes no effort to see me though. Please help! What do I do and how should I take this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You say that you felt he was taking you for granted before. It doesn't seem to have changed. One must make allowances for long hours but he clearly is ignoring the opportunities he has to see you. Perhaps you need to assess how much togetherness you feel you need versus how independent he seems to want to keep this. Or is this behavior new for him?

    • Thank you, Talloak! I think you're right. His independence is almost like he's single now. When he lived here, we would go do things with his friends. Now that we're apart, it's like I don't exist through the week, other than my nightly phone calls. I'm completely out of the loop.

    • I think that moving apart was a very good idea. It let you see where you stand with him. You could confront him on this although I doubt he would react well. And when he promises to change, it's not likely he will change much.

      In addition to the option of looking for someone else, you have the opportunity to start living more independently yourself, if that appeals to you. You can spend much more time with friends or on activities that interest you without the need to account for yourself. I'm not suggesting this to spite him or make him jealous or anything like that. Rather, it could be good for you.

What Guys Said 1

  • Why u said u wana leave and live alone? Thats bs..
    He felt hurt by this... as if u don't wana continue this relation.. This is fucking stupid mind games..
    U could have talked about it but no.. u gave him the silent treatment.. Maybe he thought u wana fuck some other dudes that's why u left home..
    Its utterly idiotic.. U could have shown ur value by being with him and telling him things but u chose to punish him... well take that.. it blew up in ur face this time...
    Call him and ask him out.. start dating again with this dude... make him fall in love... thats it

    • So, there's more to it than me just asking him to live at his place. I had numerous conversations with him about feeling like he was taking me for granted. On top of that, he would get mad at everything I said. Stuff that a normal person wouldn't get mad about. Like "what did you eat for dinner?" I would get a response "why do you wanna know?" And then he would just get crazy mad. I thought it was just a normal conversational question, but stuff like that, he would be furious. There was a breaking point. Finally, I thought we both needed some space. We are still dating and never broke up, but something had to give. His anger isn't as bad since we've been apart, but I have put forth effort to see him once and he shot me down. I'm trying very hard, but it doesn't seem that he's making any effort.

What Girls Said 1

  • to put things into perspective. we as humans don't really value air until it's gone right?

    if you ask my honest opinion. i think you're laying yourself on him too easy. your whole life revolves around him and you express it---which makes this situation worse. how can he value someone when she/he has no other aspiration. you're like his pet dog or something he's committed to by an 'invisible' law rather than by attraction.

    what i think you should do is to admit that this is a cold shoulder. nothing less. he is in fact being shady. stop second questioning your instincts. give him a breather since that seems to be what he wants. next, do something that can get your mind off of him. do things without him. you're and individual person. do you have no other friends? all the while though, don't be shady to him too. this will break your relationship. keep a conversation with him and stuff but don't always ask to be around him 24/7. work things this way until a spark hits off again