Im 25 and my boyfriend is 29 we have been together 5 years now. He currently lives in ga and i live in pa because he wanted to be somewhere warm (he hates cold weather) and he got a better job down there. I am actively looking for a job down there and i am getting my finances in order so i can move in with him down there. Even after considering the amount of time we have been together and our ages his mom still thinks that he should always prioritize his family of origin before me his own girlfriend that he is looking to start a future with. His one brother is 27 and lives in cali and his other brother is 22 and still lives at home. When she found out he made me a spare key to his apartment and not her for me to get in when i come to visit if he is still at work she got upset saying i am your own mother i should get a key first. Then whenever he comes into town to visit she is always calling him needing to know his every move and saying stuff like you need to spend more time with your family. She actually got upset when he used his limited vacation time for when i came to visit him instead of on her. Now from what im saying here you would think we are talking about a 16 year old boy who has been in a relationship for a few months now instead of a grown 29 year old man who has been with the same women for 5 years now and is looking to settle down and start our lives together. I feel like his mom can't let go and has an unhealthy attachment. Is it crazy and wrong to think that considering how long we have been together and our circumstances that i should generally be his main priority? I dunno i just feel like his mom is acting like im just some random women who isn't serious about her son and after 5 years his mom shouldn't see it as me vs his family that i should be equal to family by now in importance. I guess my two questions are how do i talk to my boyfriend about his wayy overbearing mother and his mother way over the top?
Most Helpful Guy
His mother is over the top. I agree that her attachment and protectiveness is excessive. And this can certainly interfere in many different ways. Everything you mention is from his mother's side. You don't mention his response to any of this. Do you really believe that he prioritizes him mom over you? If not, he shouldn't be faulted for what she does. I take it that he tells you about these excessive reactions his mom has and not her directly? That suggests he knows they are misguided, assuming he isn't defending them.0
Most Helpful Girl
She is over the top. However, he should have told her to stop acting like that. It would concern me the fact that he hasn't said anything to her.0