Is my bfs mom over the top?

Im 25 and my boyfriend is 29 we have been together 5 years now. He currently lives in ga and i live in pa because he wanted to be somewhere warm (he hates cold weather) and he got a better job down there. I am actively looking for a job down there and i am getting my finances in order so i can move in with him down there. Even after considering the amount of time we have been together and our ages his mom still thinks that he should always prioritize his family of origin before me his own girlfriend that he is looking to start a future with. His one brother is 27 and lives in cali and his other brother is 22 and still lives at home. When she found out he made me a spare key to his apartment and not her for me to get in when i come to visit if he is still at work she got upset saying i am your own mother i should get a key first. Then whenever he comes into town to visit she is always calling him needing to know his every move and saying stuff like you need to spend more time with your family. She actually got upset when he used his limited vacation time for when i came to visit him instead of on her. Now from what im saying here you would think we are talking about a 16 year old boy who has been in a relationship for a few months now instead of a grown 29 year old man who has been with the same women for 5 years now and is looking to settle down and start our lives together. I feel like his mom can't let go and has an unhealthy attachment. Is it crazy and wrong to think that considering how long we have been together and our circumstances that i should generally be his main priority? I dunno i just feel like his mom is acting like im just some random women who isn't serious about her son and after 5 years his mom shouldn't see it as me vs his family that i should be equal to family by now in importance. I guess my two questions are how do i talk to my boyfriend about his wayy overbearing mother and his mother way over the top?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • His mother is over the top. I agree that her attachment and protectiveness is excessive. And this can certainly interfere in many different ways. Everything you mention is from his mother's side. You don't mention his response to any of this. Do you really believe that he prioritizes him mom over you? If not, he shouldn't be faulted for what she does. I take it that he tells you about these excessive reactions his mom has and not her directly? That suggests he knows they are misguided, assuming he isn't defending them.

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    • Well yeah obviously he tells me about these overreactions we have an open and honest relationship. But i feel like he does defend her sometimes but other times he realizes that she is out of line

    • As it's his mom you probably can't expect more from him. It's pretty stupid when moms try to force their children to choose between themselves and their SO's. They often turn their backs on mom when that happens.

    • Well even though its his mom it doesn't automatically make her right. He should still fully 100 percent have my back and it sometimes seems like he is being a total mommas boy about the whole thing and won't defend me

Most Helpful Girl

  • She is over the top. However, he should have told her to stop acting like that. It would concern me the fact that he hasn't said anything to her.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You're definitely right - she's dancing at a club she wasn't invited to.

    It's like you said, you and your boyfriend are adults who have been together for a long period of time, and as such you both have the right to change your lives however you see fit to bring yourselves closer to each other.

    I don't know if you've ever heard this from anyone, but there are people out there who believe that a man (or woman) should put their significant other before their parents after it's clear that you two are ready to stay together for good.

    That's psycho behavior on her part, and she has no business trying to manipulate the life you both want.

    Talk to your guy about it, 'cause it's something very serious that can lead to much bigger problems. But you already know that. If he then talks to her about it, then brace yourself for a possibly rockier road, 'cause it sure doesn't sound like she's the listening type.

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  • Er...
    Short answer: she's crazy D:

    Does your boyfriend feel the same way about her?

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    • Sometimes he defends her and other times he is all she is too much

    • Maybe you should encourage him to confront her about it?

What Girls Said 0

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