Am I being shallow? He treats me well and we're compatible, but I'm not physically attracted to him AT ALL?

So, there's this guy at my job that I thought would be a good friend. We started hanging out and can talk about pretty much anything. He's extremely kind hearted and easy to chill with.. he even tried to buy me an expensive ticket to see a concert (I insisted on paying him back). I thought we were friends, but at the concert he asked to hold my hand and I shook my head and held it to my chest. I thought he would get the hint but now he's asking me to do things that are in no way "friend-like" (wine and cheese picnic, for example).

If he were more my type, I'd probably date him.. but he's pretty much the opposite of what I'm physically attracted to and (I know this is fucked up) but I just can't imagine having sex with him, a necessary part of any relationship.

Am I being too shallow? Should I give him a chance?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No. You can't date someone you're not physically attracted to. That doesn't make you shallow, it is what it is. Everyone does that.
    I tried dating a girl I thought was... ugly... once cause she was kind and all that, but I couldn't make it past the 3 weeks.
    I felt bad for giving her hope of being with someone she really liked, but I didn't feel the same way.

    Don't give him a chance, don't give him any hopes when you know nothing is gonna happen. Just let him go.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't help who you're attracted to. He sounds like a good guy but ultimately if you're not attracted to him romantically, there's not much you can do. Nor should you feel guilty for it since it's out of your control.
    When he asks you out like that, you can accept if you want. But say something along the lines of "but just as a friend, I hope you're not hoping for something more than that". It might make things a bit awkward but that's better than having him become bitter because he might end up feeling like you've lead him on.

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What Guys Said 17

  • Nope just tell him that you don't currently find him attractive. In time you might come to not care and date him anyways because of his personality. However you still want to keep looking so let him down lightly. add in the possibly of maybe in the future.

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  • it really sucks... but sometimes you just don't feel anything for someone even if they might be perfect.

    So just stop seeing him even as a friend because he isn't and anymore time you spend with him he's gonna get more bold, maybe try to kiss you or something.

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  • It's not fucked up, it's just normal. Physical attraction is important for a relationship and he wouldn't be trying to do all of this stuff if he wasn't physically attracted to you.

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  • Not shallow.

    It'd be one thing if you said he doesn't look like a 23 year old swimsuit model. But if you can't get up your lady boner for him, even when he has a bunch of other positive qualities then it's not going to work.

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  • Not shallow to have your own standards/expectations.

    Find someone else and don't settle for less.

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  • You're just making it worse if you lead him on. The bottom line is, you're not attracted to him. Boom, game over. If you can't click with him on a primitive level - that's it, you're done.

    It's not a question of shallow. It's your preference. Whether people think of you as a stuck up shallow b-word now, is irrelevant.

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  • I don't think it's wrong for physical or sexual attraction to be a priority for you. We all have our own wants and priorities. I would want to feel sexually attracted too.

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  • People who disregard other things in favour of look and other superficial things are shallow. But finding someone 'datable' involves being physically attracted to them. And there are tons of nice guys; you can't date them all-keep that do the ones you're attracted to and be friends with the rest

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  • Besides the looks and the sex part. Could you see yourself with him?

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    • Maybe, but the looks and sex part is important!

    • I totally understand that. I feel that way too.

      But it's not as big a deal if you can't see yourself with him because of his personality too.

  • There is no wrong with not being attracted to someone physically.
    Physical attraction is as important as any other.
    Just let him know straight up, so both of you don't waste time.

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  • No. You can't force attraction. You would be doing both of you a disservice.

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  • That's hardd. I wouldn't. I need good sex with a body I like

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  • No you aren't shallow the dude is just not attractive. Not the end of the world.. just move on.

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  • if you just aren't into him, then you shouldn't date him.

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  • Not at all. He's not your type.

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  • then dont fuck him?

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  • no thats called being a woman. you want to domesticate an alpha10. well leave the guy to a woman that likes him.

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What Girls Said 15

  • I didn't read the replies, but I would suggest being completely honest with him about your feelings, that he has a lot of qualities you usually find attractive, however you just are not feeling it with him and want to be friends only.

    As long as he knows that, I would still hang out with him if he asks though. I've had it happen before where I found someone unattractive when I met him, but as I hung out with him came to like his personality enough to begin to be sexually attracted to him. However, that's the exception to the rule and not the norm. So be honest, but if he continues to pursue, be open to it. Just keep your TRUE emotions clear to him at every step

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  • Look at it from his perspective:

    Would you be happy if you were dating someone who you thought was gorgeous, but then you found out they only thought you average at best?

    It wouldn't be fair on you and it wouldn't be fair on him. Even if he turned out to be okay with you not being attracted to him, there would still be an inbalance in the relationship, where he wants you more than you want him, and that doesn't seem like a healthy, long lasting relationship to me.

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  • It's not shallow, it's just preference but keep in mind that sometimes people become beautiful the more you like their soul and who they are as a person. Attraction is important but you can grow attraction.

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  • You are being shallow if you like him and the only thing holding you back is his looks. Remember something there are old people that look nothing like they used to. I guarantee those people still see a hot young thing and think DAMMMM. But they still have sex they're still attracted to their partners. Why because it's more important to be attracted to who a person is rather than what they look like.

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  • you know the old saying "you never know until you try". you see everything wrong with his looks now I want you to find everything good about it.
    HOME WORK:
    -What colour are his eyes
    -Does he have a sharp jawline
    -Is his voice deep
    -How big are his hands
    -How tall is he
    -Is his laugh manly or soft
    -How is his dressing
    -How is his smile.
    -Does he care about you more than the average handsome jerk, who would not care about you.
    -Are you not attracted to him physical or are you scared of what others would say.
    think about it.

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  • You mustn't go out with him. That's a rule of mine. I am not into looks so don't think I'm a creep but if you are totally not attracted to your setting yourself up for problems and the guy for pain

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  • If you're not attracted to him then you're not. Just don't like be mean to him or something just be honest and say that you don't like his appearance.

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  • he's not your friend. He was only your friend so he could get physical with u.

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  • You should not give him a chance. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't find me physically attractive and the thought of having sex with me repulses him. When I'm in love with someone, everything about that person becomes irresistible and beautiful. You are not feeling it with that person so let him go.

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  • It is shallow but you should be with someone you are attracted to and he deserves someone who is attracted to him. Just doesn't work out if one side isn't attracted.

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  • You have no obligation to date someone you dont want to. if you are not interested then dont. I get that he's a great guy but if you're not attracted then the relationship wouldn't really work and maybe youd be better off just as friends

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  • No, you can't be with someone who you aren't physically attracted to.

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  • You have to be attracted to someone to date them.

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  • I've been in the same boat. I had a friend who was perfect as in he was funny, easy to open up to, and very kind and respectful. The only downside was that he was clingy and I did not find him physically attractive. No matter how hard I tried. I know he found me attractive and I felt bad for not feeling the same way because I loved everything else about him. He was my best friend and we would have made a great couple, but I just couldn't force my self to be attracted to him no matter how hard I tried. Our friendship ended up fading though. Once a guy likes you it's hard for him to be just your friend. So you're going to have to sacrifice your friendship if he already likes you, as he most likely won't stick around to be just your friend, especially if he is already pursuing you. That's the sad truth about male and female friendships.

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  • You are being shallow. But everyone is shallow, so don't feel bad about it. If you're not feeling anything with him, please stop seeing him. Do not lead on the poor dude. He obviously likes you a lot.

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