I found outthe wrong way that my girlfriend lied and might be seeing another man.. What to do?

I started to have doubts about my girlfriend and since she always said she has nothing to hide and that it's ok if I see her stuff, I went ahead and took a few glances and her stuff. Nothing too intrusive, I would never read her texts (unless I have a good reason too) and even if I wanted to, I couldn't because she deletes them. A month ago a guy sent an email. I clicked. My girlfriend had a snow white costume and he probably knew it, because he sent her a very sexual and inappropriate picture of snow shite and said "Hey I saw this and it made me think of you because It must be your style" with hearts emotes attached. I freaked, but did nothing. Right after, she added him on facebook and then I asked who that is. She said it's just a client from work. When she said it, I knew there was something going on, but not enough to confront her. Also, she saved the picture on her phone, which was a suspicious, but I skipped all of it and moved on.

The doubts are back and I looked again. She just made an account here asking what to do. She says that guy is obsessed with her, acts inappropriately, calls her his goddess promises to make all her dreams come true, etc. (he has money). She asks what to do because she is very interested in him and she says that her relationship with me isn't going well. She probably never cheated, but she might be seeing him already. They probably are texting or sexting which explains why she started to overprotect her cellphone lately.

After finding out this betrayal, I talked to her and tried to get her to the subject, but I got nothing. Just lies. We spent time together and she acted like nothing was going on. I need to do something about it, but I don't know if I should confront her directly even if I found out the "wrong way" or if I should wait for a legit way to do something and/or get more proof of lies. I love her and I care for her, but it's true that we have different goals and if she really


What Girls Said 2

  • personally im the type of person whos nothing to hide. And dont really care how my boyfriend get information because wherever he goes there won't be anything against me when im still hooked on him so if he found something or thot he did i wouldn't really care how he got it. Just a question of what it is and if its legit or not which id already know the truth so either way it doesn't matter. I don't know you girlfriend but if i were you id just ask her about it

    • I totally get that, I am a guy who deletes nothing, I even let her borrow my laptop for a few months. At one point she told me she checked my facebook. I did not care, I have nothing to hide and if ever I did something wrong well I would have to deal with the consequences. I guess you and I are the same. She always said it was like that for her too, except that she deletes some stuff just to have a clean inbox. I believed her and I think it was true, but not anymore. But all of this happened with my manipulative ex before and in some way she twisted everything towards me because I was the one who broke her privacy, even if she was the one cheating on me. I guess I am scared of the same thing or because I don't want her to just deny and then block everything. Right now she does not know and I could try to get a little bit more information to confront her better. Should I wait? Or do as you say?

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    • Well, yeah I do get insecure sometimes, but I normally know that things are not what they seem. That's why things went well for so long, even if she did lie on some pretty serious stuff before. I moved on. But this time she clearly said that she is thinking of leaving me for another man. This time I guess it's normal to be insecure and to act. I just don't know how to :( But you are actually helping me to find the courage to ask her directly. Maybe not today, but probably the next time I see her

  • Personally i would confront her straight away.
    Just dont attack her, sit her down and say you need to talk about us.
    Dont bring up evidence or anything like that because she will feel trapped and lash out.
    Just explain youve felt she's been distancing herself lately and you feel somethings up.
    Hopefully this will make her think about her actions and if loosing you is worth it.
    Kind of sounds like she's just confused and swayed by the attention?
    Dont let things build up cause itll just make it worse.
    Just my opinion

    • After finding out, I did just that. I always ask how she feels and show interest, but I asked in a different way. Just like you said. She said her life isn't what she wishes it to be. I gently asked for more, she just said that included everything (which means us). I said I knew something was going on and that it changed pretty suddenly. Something or somebody probably triggered that. She said no not at all. I tried to get more and tried to explain and say what I have to say without attacking or going to the point and I got nothing. I was at home then, so I said I'd come over to talk. We spent yersterday and most of today together and we did not actually talk. I did not push, I just acted normal. She acted normal too. Once back home, I told her I did not push to have a conversation so she can relax a bit, bit I do know that there are things she isn't telling me and that I want her to open up and that I love her. She just said I love you too. Maybe it's time to be more direct? and thanks

    • Youve pretty much done all you can..
      Maybe she needs space.
      If you guys live together maybe stay at a friends house for a day or two or just make plans with a friend to leave her to think on what youve said.

What Guys Said 1

  • It might be best to cut your losses. You don't have to get proof and call her out on cheating. Just say you've lost interest or something.

    • I understand. But to me this relationship (been together for a year and a half) is serious and I don't want to just leave. I would need to confront her. I would need her to know that she is the one who brought this on us and that I deserve answers. Every girlfriend I had cheated on me or left me for another guy. This one promised me from day one that it would never happen. For some if might sound stupid, but I would really need her to know that she disappointed me and not just let her go with the other guy that easily.

    • Ok, I can understand that. You may not like the answers you get though.