Do cheaters deserve second chance?

Hey so, I have a long distance boyfriend and were dating for 1 year and 3 months now. Back when we were starting the relationship, around 2-4 months. I dont really remember, I wasn't sure of our situation. I was doubting a lot. A lot of things. If the feeling is real. If we will really work this out and meet. But one things for sure, I didn't really love him. I just like him. But I still pushed through because Im willing to take the risks of long distance and learn to love him. we fought a lot because our situation is really hard. On one of our fights, i got really mad and I cheated on him with another long distance friend. Through Skype. I told my boyfriend about it and he got upset but wasn't mad. We cotinued the relationship and now were sure of our feelings we rarely fight that much and we love each other now and planning to meet in person on September. But memories are haunting him down and he feels sad everytime he remembers the cheating thing and now I feel really really really bad. I dont know if I really deserve to be in this place even now that I love him a lot. Answers are much appreciated.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No they dont. It's the ultimate betrayal

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Only the 2 people in the relationship can decide. Absolutes can be easy to give as advice in situations like these but they're rarely cut and dry. I believe in 2nd chances.

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What Guys Said 2

  • No, never. Cheaters never deserve a second chance and they will never change. They have done it once, they will keep doing it again and again.

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  • Probably not for me at least I wouldn't give them a second chance under most if not all circumstances for me to do that they'd have to have a damn good reason.

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What Girls Said 14

  • In most cases, no. In your case, no. You blatantly openly decided to do this in to make yourself feel better, you knew this, and you knew what you were doing.

    You're not with him because you love him. You're with him because you're insecure and need others to make you feel loved to validate your own self worth. You didn't cheat because you were angry, you cheated because you needed to feel like you were desirable. Well let me tell you, that's desperate, and selfish.

    Tell me, how does disrespecting your relationship with your boyfriend by sleeping with another man behind his back, make you more desirable? How did it make you "right" to win whatever the argument was about?

    Sounds to me like he is just as insecure and needy if he's dating a cheater long distance, which probably means he doesn't *really* love you, he's just using you emotionally the same way you're using him. He's either cheating on you too, or he is just as desperate to have a girlfriend.

    Do I think you're a terrible person? No. I think that you don't love or trust yourself enough to make the smart grown-up decisions for your best future. Self love is VERY hard to attain if you feel the way you feel, but you cannot achieve it while you're in a relationship. You probably won't believe, or want to hear this, but the only way to overcome these depressing empty feelings inside of yourself is be single, and live life for you and only you for a while. This will help you learn how to be truly happy.

    Stop being a doormat for other people, and wasting your time on people who haven't earned your time, respect, and praise. Once you cut out the drama queens, mooches, and users, surround yourself with positive people who want to see you gain your independence, you'll be much happier.

    Only then can you choose a lover based on what you need, Vs what you want in someone just to have around to take care of you. You'll learn to appreciate someone who is truly loving and giving so much more when you become this way yourself, but you cannot be a loving giving person when you are still so needy. So, time for some self care! I can help, if you want more advice or tips you can PM me.

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  • I usually say no, but it's kinda weird that he took you back and a YEAR later he is now revisiting this issue. It should have been worked out a year ago.

    And you guys haven't even met yet? I'm not sure if I would agree to be exclusive with someone I hadn't met. Even in a distance relationship I think effort should have been made well before 1 year in to meet.

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  • No. I will never forgive my man if he does that to me. Maybe im harsh I don't know but i know i dont deserve it, because im so loyal.

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  • Depends on the extent of cheating. If it was full on sex, texting/sexting or anything that involved physical contact - even a kiss, I would never give the cheater a second chance, even if it's killing me, because I'd never be able to trust the person the same again.

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    • Camsex?

    • If it was only once and I know there is no other further contact then I would give another chance, but if there was constant contact then I wouldn't.

  • No, I don't think so. I don't want to sound insensitive but, if you were in his place, what would you want? Think of what he needs: stability. If his relationship to you only offers him insecurity and paranoia, than it benefits neither you nor him.

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  • Different to others opinions, I think it depends on each persons situation and how you feel about them, were they sorry and if you are willing to work on this to build past it. I've forgiven a cheater and it's hard but we are still together and it's great

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  • I wouldn't. I'd think he'd cheat again.

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  • Depends

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  • Cheating is unforgivable.

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  • I would never give them a second chance.

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  • Once a cheater always a cheater!

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  • Yes they could. MY really good friends boyfriend had sex with another girl when he was drunk. But she gave him a second chance, and now they are happier than ever. He even told her he loved her (which he didn't for the first year of their relationship).

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  • No, you could get stds

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  • Not in my book no.

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