Why do I keep getting rejected? What are some common reasons why?

Hi, I'm a 19-year-old male, and I seem to have a huge problem with rejection. I've always been told that I'm very good-looking (I don't want to post a picture), but that doesn't seem to help. I have moderate autism, though I guess I'm also a genius. Anyways, that's besides the point. The point is that I've never actually had success with women; I have no problem approaching them and talking to them, nor is it hard to make my interest known and make a move. I'm pretty assertive and confident, so I have no problems there. But, I've only ever been rejected in my life; I had a girlfriend once for like a month, but that hardly counted.

Anyways, I've approached many women in my life--trying to be friendly, confident, as well as be myself--but I always flame out. Usually I get called creepy, or I'll ask her for her number and she'll just eventually start ignoring me. Others times they just say "why are you talking to me", or they'll just... I don't know. I usually end up responding aggressive to their rudeness, but that's a different story. I mean, literally, I've never actually wooed a woman in my life. It's actually kind of amazing, now that I think about it. So, does anyone know what could be happening--why I never succeed in actually charming her? Please list some possible explanations.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ummm well maybe they think your coming on a little to hard you know... sudden... From what I can tell you seem like a awesome guy that just needs to not move so sudden. If you don't know what I mean then just message me.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You must talk funny or do something subconsciously that they don't like. Women are judgmental as fuck as you probably know. Doesn't matter if they've got a spotty face, are boring and look like the should be selling 10 quid tricks on a street corner, they'll fuck you off for having a bit of dirt on your shoe or having a days stubble. Most women in the west are a lost cause mate. All women do is watch TV and it corrupts. They think normal is pumping black guys, demanding money, being bisexual, being crude and getting tattoos everywhere. They're about as lady like and normal as an alien visitor. They're too stupid to know it though

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What Girls Said 13

  • Since you have mild autism, I'm going to go with you are probably socially awkward-at least at times. And if any girls that you are asking out have seen that you have a temper, well that will be another thing against yiu--most women don't want to deal to with a man with a temper.

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  • The problem is that you are approaching the wrong kind of women. Your looks and flaws shouldn't have to matter. My advice is stop trying to please women, and focus on one person you are interested in. If they mock you, that's a sign that they wouldn't care about you. You need to take your time and focus on what you need to do in your life. Someone is bound to be attracted to that then your looks. Don't seek to charm a woman, that is very deceptive. I don't like it when someone thinks that I'm going to be interested in that. I will let you continue, ignore it and be prepared to leave when I am able, until that person gets the hint.

    If they are replying in a nasty way about why your talking them, that definitely means your approaching the wrong type of women. If I was in your shoes as a guy I would definitely not want to talk to someone like that. Those are the type that will pick only guys they consider attractive sexually and rather go with them, even though those relationships doesn't last. They often carry a lot of baggage and when the relationship fails they blame you for it, instead of owning up to their own mistakes. You need somebody who has a similar personality as you and is on the same level. Don't be with somebody who thinks their above you. It won't work out.

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    • For the law two years, I've only approached just one person at a time--someone whom seemed special to me.

      It seems like all categories of women are "the wrong type," then, because I've approached pretty much every type of girl you could imagine. New age types, bookish nerdy women, scientifically-oriented women, cute, quiet women, normal women, strict protestants, and, more recently, shiite muslim women.

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    • I would. Only because you don't to tell me something I get told by people [other adults, male and female] whenever they do say it. If you say complimenting words about a persons appearance that is not enough, nor is it something somebody wants to hear. Especially if they get told that all the time. You need to evaluate their interest from a far. Like what are they reading? Watching? Or playing? If you see them reading a book your familiar with, that will help with conversation. If you see them play video games, talk about that. That is what I mean by interest. I conner better with people who share similar interest or something I would be interested in general, or learn.

    • Hey me personally would have not been creeped out I would've thought that was something sweet and nice thing to say.

  • I think I'm going to lean hard on the mild autism as the root cause of this.

    You are probably not reading their interest well, and a lot about gaining someone's interest involves capitalizing on the reactions they have to things that you do.

    I don't know enough about how these scenarios usually play out for you to know what exact step is your fumbling point but it is probably the same in most of these cases and that means on the positive side of things that once you figure it out the results will completely change.

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    • O. o Rejections is actually a good thing or sign i forgot which one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO6pe1amNdQ

    • @ForSafety neat video, but why as a reply to my comment?

    • I can't explain in words so why not share what i saw? see i've always been bad at words, Not being to express myself correctly is a huge pull-down in my life. And i even doesn't understand words other send. All i've learn in school isn't enough and it's wasting my time. Sure i can learn what i've given. But it isn't important in my life at my current State. I requested for help but i only take helps from certain people. Some sees me as a hopeless child rare sees me as a child with hope.

  • Girls like the mysterious types to be honest... I think you should try more non-verbal flirting next time, like eye contact. That way you can tell if a girl is interested before you approach her. It also gives her the chance to see you and wonder what you're about. You will know if she is if she returns your gaze.

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    • This is something I could re-learn. Helpful, yet I seem to have become complacent to the blatant hints that I know are subtly directed at me. What does the "hair toss" and quirky look to the 45 degree angle head-turn mean? I tend to see that a lot these days after I wizened up and changed my demeanor.

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    • @fueledbythc define "mysterious." It's hard to be actually mysterious unless you work with classified materials.

    • I've had a lot of people call me mysterious. From my perspective I'm not mysterious for sure but I know I'm unpredictable and I like it that. Im definitely a person who can stand out from a crowd easily because of my mixed race as well as I've neve met another person who's the exact half ethnicity I am. That's another one too, nobody can guess my race. Not one person has gotten it right.

  • Sometimes what we consider to be confident, lingers around the realm of cocky. Also, be careful about not being cheesy or clingy, that is always a turn off

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  • Sounds to me that you are coming on too strong. Going up to a random girl and asking her out or asking her for her number can be considered awkward. Just do what i did when i was single. Start off as friends and if a girl won't even be your friend then dont bother. If a girl does want to be your friend then take it slow hang out have fun get to know each other. Dont get offended to easily and dont get offended over small things. Like calling a girl out if you think she is rude.. sometimes its all just a misunderstanding and then you end up looking like a jerk.

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    • "start off as friends" is fucking terrible advice for a man in dating!

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    • @Prof_Don it always worked for me... its the reason i have my wonderful boyfriend and been together almost 4 years... i learnt not to rush into a relationship.

    • Yeah that sounds wonderful and all, the guy you're with was an outlier. Most dudes are chronically single if they do "friends first"; it is better to make interest known right away and to ask out multiple girls

  • could it be that you're unintentionally approaching girls who don't want to give you their number so quickly? I don't know, when do you usually ask that?
    because i personally don't like to give my number to a guy right away. so maybe you just got unlucky or you're being too pushy? I don't know.

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  • You're probably not accurately reading their body language.

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  • Maybe because you're ugly

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    • I don't think so. I'd have to be really fucking ugly.

  • That will happen to you with lots of girls

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    • It's happened with every girl. That's the point.

  • Sometimes when you try too hard, it backfires on you. Do it naturally and don't focus so much on dating. It's great to look for someone to date, but at the same time make sure you aren't investing all of your time into it. Enjoy your life in the meantime, and do things you enjoy.

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    • I'm not focusing on dating, though. I don't think I'm trying to hard.

    • Sorry, I must've understood it as you wanting to date, that's why you've yet to be able to be in a stable relationship.

    • I don't want to dat per se; if there's a woman who catches my eye in terms of character and looks, I approach her. At least, that's what I do now.

  • Maybe you're just trying too hard. Maybe you're approaching girls in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable or makes you seem desperate. Just stop trying so hard, let the girl come to you.

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    • You mean like just wait for women to come to you?

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    • @AdamThomas She can't possibly mean that, though. I mean, everyone knows that men have to take the initiative to get that girl. Maybe she means something else.

    • Can you clarify what you mean?

  • If things are escalating to people losing their tempers, I'd guess maybe you're approaching too intensely. Some things that could give this impression:

    Sharp tone of voice
    Encroaching on personal space
    Squaring shoulders versus them in posture
    Constant eye contact, eyes held too wide or too narrowed
    Approaching in situations where the other person is physically "trapped"

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    • I don't think I do those things. Maybe I do the eye contact thing? I don't know.

What Guys Said 18

  • look up "Shit tests" on google and see if that's what they're doing. Without actually listening to the conversations it's hard to judge what you're doing wrong. Just look up a few "RSD" channels on youtube if you want to get better with women in general

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  • Because you see it as "approaching Women", when in reality what you are looking for is a mutually established social relation. Essentially, it works the same way as making friends, except if you both find each other physically attractive and long-term compatible, then you can make an additional step.

    Relationships are mutually established because both parties want to stay together with the other. The whole flirting stuff? Bullocks. She just has to like you as a person, and that just depends on how you communicate. Flirting is a caricature, dating culture is partly nothing but an exaggeration.

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    • I totally agree about flirting. one thing I hate about it is that I might like a guys flirting, think he's funny and want to chat for a little bit, but unfortunately the guy then assumes I'm interested in him.. in reality, no matter how good you are at flirting it doesn't change someone's attraction level for you.

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    • I don't know where you got the indication that I only wanted sex from women; I'd like to have a relationship, though I'm not actively searching for one. Obviously I want to have sex too, but that's not the only thing I want.

      I'm not trying to actively become "friends" with women, because women generally aren't that interesting. I don't share many interests with most of them.

    • Well you can't establish a relationship with someone who bores you or is incompatible. Relationship is like extended friendship.

  • Yes. Inexperience. Now take that small flame of anger I just generated in you. Analyze it, wield it fully, realize it is the source of your mental weakness (not your autism mind you) and mental strength (fortitude). After you understand your own emotions on a different scale, you can begin to delve into understanding women's emotions. Remember, they will be turned off to strangers asking them for their number. You have to be charismatic, but not creepy. Example A: Instead of asking for their number, try to forge some connections with their base person. Like asking about their occupation/field of study/music tastes, taking care to make it slightly relevant to the location you are in, if you are in a jazz bar, ask about jazz, etc... It takes a while, and lots of stupid awkward feelings before you become a guru at understanding situation. This situational awareness extends far beyond the dating spectrum and can be applied to generally every aspect involving relationships. Remember the tactic I used at the beginning of my message? Yeah, that's why some guys act like jerks, because they know it will draw out certain emotions in a person, regardless of gender. Hope this helps. Feel free to ask for clarification or other questions.

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    • I usually only ask them for there number after becoming acquainted with them, but thanks.

  • Maybe you are overcompensating, trying too hard, and perhaps giving the impression of being arrogant.

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    • I don't know, man. I really try to work at just coming off as confident, yet not arrogant.

    • Seeing ourselves as others perceive us is difficult.

  • I'm a genius, too... or so they say, does it matter? You put too much pressure on yourself. Your attitude fails. Of course you get called creepy, because you try to force this "slick outcome". It doesn't work like that.

    Potential reasons? Impatience, for one. Secondly, you over-estimate yourself - not that it's a bad thing, overall, but definitely holding you back.
    Why are you talking to her, then?

    You did mention autism, so that would, to some degree, make you socially awkward in the eyes of "ailment-free" people. There's nothing to be done about your autism, that's just how it is.

    Perhaps, tone down your vocal expression and work on your body language.

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  • Sounds like a cold approach. You just walk up to a stranger and ask for her number, most of the time you're gonna come off as a creep. Gotta go for establishing a connection, not trying to score a number. She needs a reason to want to give you the number.

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  • How do you approach them? You say they ask why you're talking to them, do you tell them that you find them attractive? Or are you just approaching them and talking about random shit?

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  • I get reject every time. And it probably just mean you should be alone. Not like in a bad way where you be bored or some thing. But just be like living your own world where no one is around you even if you see any. That's how i live my world and most people says i should not do this. But they don't know anything because they don't experiences what i did. And the stuff i Experiences is awesome. And i've always wanted to meet people last time. Now i avoid meeting anything.

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  • Look at your attitude and change some things

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  • From the sound of it, you probably come across as arrogant. Also I think these women think you're coming across as too strong. And unfortunately looks really do play a huge factor on why I don't approach women too since I don't think I'm attractive.

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  • Well, when it comes to males it's easy, you need to know woman have three main priorities going by most important: 1. looks, 2. money/power 3. personality. Change it accordingly.

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  • Its probably the way you hold yourself.
    Like the way you talk and body language

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    • I doubt it. I fixed all of those problems years ago.

  • how many girls have you asked?

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  • They're just all bitches

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  • Umm o think you're lying with your analysis.

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  • Pffft.. Okay, you are a noob.
    Remember , unless you are a 10/10 or a girl already likes you, she would NEVER say yes.

    The second option seems way easier. You just have to be non-ugly and non-boring to get ANY girl. You don't need to be handsome or ripped or anything, just non-ugly.

    Make her your friend, just go and say let's be friends, not that difficult and no one says no.
    Then bond over something emotional. This is important. Like her past trouble/parent trouble anything. If a girl opens up emotionally to you, her legs open up pretty damn fast. Once you get laid , phase out of her life and repeat.

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    • I've been trying the friend thing. How do you do it?

    • You cave in too easily. Just form an emotional bond, if she cries over your shoulder, then she will let your dick cry inside of her. Girls are emotional fools. Hardly takes a few weeks to make her believe that you are the 'one'.
      Don't flirt, its shows desperation. Just have a fun time, and then make her feel emotional over something. (If her parents died in an accident, and you somehow know this, exploit it.)
      "Hey you still live with your mom? Haaha"
      "My mom is dead."
      "I didn't know... sorry. How long ago was it "
      Blah blah
      Blah blah
      *put hand on her cheek gently*
      "well, I know you're a brave girl. Wherever she is, she still loves you."
      *leave*
      She'll be thinking about this event for weeks.

      You should just hit the right nerve.
      People be like asking out girls 3-4 days after meeting her. Just spend some quality time, in one month you'll be so tight she'll basically strip in public. 1 girl a month means 12 girls an year. That's a fucking good number.

    • That sounds easy. Great, I'll make those adjustments accordingly.

  • It's cause you have mild autism. Girls don't like autistic guys.

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  • Probably because you really aren't "very good looking", and because you think you are a genius. True geniuses don't call themselves geniuses.

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    • You are a genius!!!

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    • Anonymous 25-29 maybe it is time to let the little boy win the argument. Be the bigger man and walk away. Hugs and kisses! 🤗💋

    • @Poppykate I don't want to win the argument. I want to know what I'm doing wrong.

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