Nice smart and good looking 17yo but I can't get girls HELP?

My self confidence is in the toliet. Everyone tells me I'm good looking and down to earth and I'm also really smart. Yet every time I try to get girls I fail. I know that I am not shooting for girls out of my league? I got one girlfriend who eventually cheated on me cuz I'm not enough of a jerk. I just feel cursed? What do I do? Also I know I'll get some responses saying something to the extent of "hang in there, people like you get the girl in the end". Well that's all fine and good but I want to be with a girl I have feelings for and has feelings for me. I don't want some girl who just sees me as some Backup plan that she can fall back on when she can't wrangle in a jerk. I just don't know what to do. I try to love myself but then I think this... if nobody likes me romantically, am I even worth it?

Also I'm not shooting for girls out of my league. All I want is a decent looking girl with a good heart


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have sense of what your coming from. Just be the funny guy, man. Find common interests find disagreement, find somethings you never tried that she's done. And reverse too! If your nice guy great! Be the nice guy! But becareful for boundaries (meaning stand your ground when you need to.) Nobody wants a dick or jerk as a boyfriend many girl gets the mistake that just because he's bit "bad" means they can tame or change him which is lie. When you like someone they can bring out the best and worst of you. Stay you. But if you want a tip make her laugh where she is in to tears.


Most Helpful Guy

  • '"It's queer that we can't bear to be alone, Ernst, isn't it?" says Albert.
    "Yes," i say. "One doesn't seem to have any idea where one belongs here."
    He nods. "Yes, thats it. But one just has to belong somewhere."
    "Perhaps if we had a job," I hazard.
    He does not agree. "Thats no good, either. What we need is something living, Ernst. A human being, you know ----"
    "A human being!" I protest. "Why, thats the least sure thing in the world. God knows we've seen often enough how easily they can snuff it. You'd need ten or a dozen at least to be sure there would still be one left at roll call."
    Albert studies the silhouette if the cathedral attentively.
    "I dont mean that way," says he. "I mean a human being to whom one really belongs. Sometimes i think --- well, a wife ------"
    "Good lord!" I exclaim, and cannot help thinking of Bethke.
    "Oh, dont be funny now!" he fires at me suddenly. "A man has to have something he can put faith in. can't you see that? What I want is some one that will love me; she would have me and I her. Otherwise a man may just as well go hang himself!"
    But, Albert," I say soothingly, "you've got us, haven't you?"
    "Yes, yes, but this is different ---" And after a while he whispers, almost as if he were in tears, "Children, thats what a man needs --- children, who know nothing about it."
    I do not quite follow; but I cannot ask him more questions."'
    (Page 160 - 161 from "The Road Back" by Erich Remarque)

    "The Road Back" is a brilliant book, if not a little plain in the begging, it is immense in its story in the middle and end; completely awesome.

    However, what i am really trying to get at here is what i have come to learn about relationships and highschool. Sure, youth maybe romantic and in the minds of those who are truly romantic it may be almost a suicidal force that weighs on the hearts if you have not a companion to, at least, try and fulfill your youthful aspirations.
    Yet, it seems people with such an attitude do not succeed in the highschool dating game. Why this is, i cannot be certain.
    All i can say is that it just sucks; it really f-ing sucks. Girls in high-school do not care about how romantic or not romantic their men are. all they want is to have some one inflate their ego to massive proportions. all high-school girls want is to be boned and to have pictures of themselves posted on social media.

    • I cannot tell you how to break through this. I dont want to tell you to change; for can we really change?
      But i must tell you that, if you are a person of an older time, one who is more interested in companionship and love than in sex and revelry, like me, that you will just have to wait.
      It will only be later on that women may actually value what you value, and then you will be there. Prospects are low for people like us; for now, we must be content with being romantic in the idles of our mind.

What Girls Said 1

  • The problem is that most people don't meet enough people to find a great match at your age. It's harder for smart people because there are fewer of them than average and somewhat dumb people.

    This notion of "chicks only like bad guys..." Not true and not attractive, though. Water seeks its own level. Bitches like assholes. If a bitch cheats on you, it's not because you should've been a jerk... It's because she's a lousy person.

    • I just feel like giving up. Like I'm fighting a battle I can't win. Im caught in a catch 22. To get girls I need confidence and a feeling of self worth. But I need to have success to feel like I'm worth anything. What do I do?

    • Show All
    • Its just that it makes it all the more worse to see couples in the halls of my school holding hands. To see people that are truly happy with someone. To hear people talk about out upcoming senior prom. I mean how much of a loser am I? I don't even have a prom date!

    • I do understand how it feels to seem alone and left out. First, just ask someone to prom... your prom date doesn't have to be the love of your life. Likewise, 95% of those couples you see will break up. Real love takes time. You've got to keep putting yourself out there, even though it's hard, to find someone.

What Guys Said 2

  • I feel that we are twinning because I have felt the same way. I too am a fairly nice, good-looking person but wanted to love someone to find a sort of self-worth. I never got into relationships with anyone but after finding out from other people that said person liked me or girls happened to talk to me more after I 'opened up' a little. Though I never had a girlfriend, I was able to find out what other people saw attractive about me and began to feel in your words 'worth it'.

    • What do you mean by open up?

    • Talk to more people, be more social, make a few more jokes here and there. 'Coming out of one's shell'. Doing this (at least for me) has made myself less intimidating to others and others don't see me as being intimidating because I was very austere or having a strict appearance until I 'opened up'.

  • You are going through a normal male experience, so relax.
    You have a lot to learn about how to interact with females, what works and what does not.
    Also, you cannot compete with males in their early 20s who will have more resources (car, cash, etc).
    Give yourself time to learn.