I'll try to make this a succinct as possible. I met a guy about a year ago. We immediately started a friends with benefits relationship, I caught feels, he wasn't in that mindset and basically disappeared. Fast forward a couple of months, we hang out occasionally and a somewhat friends. Than about four months ago something very scary happened in his life. He decided to change his life and he immeadiately turned to me for comfort. We slept together a few times but mostly just hung out. He moved into the studio apartment directly next to mine. We became best of friends. We do everything together. Ride to class together, study together, go out to eat together, and hang out most nights until bed. He trusts me with intimate details of his life, his house, his key, his dog, his weed. I have free access to his weed and haven't bought any of my own in months, something he doesn't do for anyone else in his life. He used to be a huge player, had a different girl He was talking to every couple of weeks but he hasn't spoken to any girl since we became close. He knows I have a HUGEEEE thing for him. We have talked about it and he told me over text he's sorry but he cares about me but not in that way. I told him eventually we wouldn't be able to be friends because some girl would come along and I'd hate them both and wouldn't be able to handle it. Recently though we've gotten even closer. We started sleeping together again after we stopped when we talked about my feelings. He is gentle and kind. I feel that he is working on himself and his emotional unavailability. He told a mutual friend of ours that I'm very important to him but he's scared to make the next step because he always messes his relationships up and he doesn't want to lose me. So I don't know what to believe. Do I believe what he says about not liking me that way? Or do I believe his actions (how he treats me versus everyone else), him intiating sex, him telling that to our friend? Just so confused.
Does he like me more than he is willing to say? Do I pay attention to a boys actions or words?
What Guys Said 1
Let’s just say you convinced him to be your boyfriend. Just imagine that…. I know for a fact that if you really try to imagine this, you will realize you wouldn’t be happy for very long.
You’d get jealous very quickly, you’d remember how long it took you to convince him to commit to you, and you’d soon start worrying about his next action. Is he going to leave me even though he promised e would be mine? Does he REALLY love me, or was he just trying to please me when he said yes? And the answer would be yes, he would leave you; and yes he does love you, but HE isn’t ready for YOU, and yes he was trying to please you.
That was the bad news, but really, as you can see, in a way, very good news. I say this because the great lie that we are told and taught, is that we can sufficuantly analyze each other’s behavior and this will somehow reveal the right moves to make with other people, and that’s supposed to get us the desired outcome.
But of course, this just doesn’t work. The good news is that the solution is inside YOU. You must try, with time, to start thinking in a more general way about the kind of relationship YOU want. He is really irrelevant, although he appears like the center of the universe right now.
If you start thinking about the kind of relationship you want, you will attract it. Interestingly, I can tell this is how your lover attracts so many girls into his life: he is gentle and kind, you say, and this is what you must become yourself. I’m not saying you’re not kind in general, but you’re not very kind to yourself: it’s easy to feel the self-blame underneath your musings.
I’m really sorry for the long tirade. I hope this helps.
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