Is this poem sweet or creepy?

I wrote this one time to a girl who I was sort of seeing:

I write this song to you
To tell you how I feel
Because the pain in my heart
Is way too damn real

Alexa
Your eyes, your smile
Everything about you is worthwhile

Your beautiful
Something I can't quite express
Knowing your taken
Has left me in a mess

I want to win your heart
Something I wish I could of done from the start

But instead some guy swept you off your feet
It is a feeling of defeat

Because Alexa,
Your eyes, your smile
Everything about you is worthwhile

To know you are taken
Has left my heart achen
But I still want you

Your the girl I can't have
The one that got away.
But in my heart you still stay.

Who knows what the future holds
In God's hands, one's life he molds
But I can stay afloat
In this life that is like a boat
One that takes you afar to new places
Where you always meet new faces

But you still hold that place in my heart
A heart that feels struck with a pointed dart
But I know this isn't the end
That someday, we might meet again.

(Let's just say it did not move her emotionally. She rejected me.)

  • Aww so sweet I wanna melt
    34% (12)4% (1)22% (13)Vote
  • Eh it is cheesy
    26% (9)50% (12)36% (21)Vote
  • Damn son you are creepy
    31% (11)21% (5)27% (16)Vote
  • (See poll results)
    9% (3)25% (6)15% (9)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It Shouldve been only a short paragraph long, because it'd get stuck in her head better that way, and also, instead of sounding like a defeated loser, you should have been more fierce in expressing how you'll win her from that guy. Because realistically, you want to smash his head in, right? So why did you make the poem sound so light, as though you're happy for the guy and think he's lucky, when really, you should have made the poem more confident concerning yourself, and your strong feelings. Instead of saying "everything about you is worthwhile" you should have said something better. 99.9% of girls have worthless aspects, so why say that? I'm pretty sure even her mother would've disagreed

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know if I'd say its "creepy", but you shouldn't be messing with a girl who's taken.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I think that poetry can be sweet, but you have to do it right. A poem like this would not win anybody over; if anything, it would just make the girl feel bad for you. Saying about how you are a mess because she's with someone else is not romantic. That's just going to make her feel bad for you.

    If you want to write a romantic poem, make it about her, not you. Tell her the things you appreciate about her, and not just compliments about her eyes and smile. Talk about her personality. Talk about the first time you met. But whatever you do, don't talk about being sad and don't try to draw pity from her.

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  • It was kind of sweet until I read the line "Knowing you're taken, has left me in a mess".

    She is taken, get over it and leave her alone.

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    • She was not taken when we met but she chose another guy over me

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    • Doesn't mean you need to confront her about it? Lol

    • Well I don't want her now anymore...

      It is too unbearibly difficult to get over the fact she loved a guy for 2 solid years while in high school

  • OMG that is soo sweet. I would be so flattered if a guy wrote me a poem. Especially knowing it was written from his heart.

    It would melt my heart.

    i1098.photobucket.com/.../1_zps800441b7.jpg

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    • Except for the part where the girl he's talking about was an underage teenager he found on the internet, had sex with, took a picture of the sheets to "prove" she was a virgin, and then bragged about for months on here...

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    • @BellePepper

      omg really? That's disgusting!! . Do you recognise the poem, from a past question he's posted?

    • No this woman on here just hates me and tries to paint the picture that I am some bad guy.

      I have made some mistakes along the way trying to figure myself out and what I want. But deep down inside I am a guy who wants to love and be loved.

  • Very creepy.

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  • Just think if you took all the energy you put into being creepy af into getting the psychological help you obviously need how much better off you'd be!

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    • The poems was not for the girl whose virginity I took. This was for a different girl.

    • So you're stalking another girl now? Has she filed a restraining order yet?

    • No I am not talking to neither of these girls

  • well you re good but it s cheesy lol.
    yea for me it s creepy or at least really really awkward.
    puts me in an uncomfortable position. I don t like public affection especially from someone I am not interested.
    reason why she did reject you I guess.
    anw she rejected you even before that song if she already loved someone else.
    a song isn t gonna change her mind or heart.

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  • Uh if she was taken already, then I see why she might not have been moved

    Besides, you were sort of seeing her. So maybe it wasn't exactly the right situation to write someone a poem.

    I think she may have been a bit taken aback by it.

    Next time you write a poem should be for someone you are seeing in a more steady way. Otherwise, it may spook them. Romantic gestures towards someone that is not really yours are always a very big risk.

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  • I can see why she rejected you. Jesus fucking Christ.

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    • Haha hey I tried to be romantic...

      Oh well she wasn't the girl for me anyways

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    • No, what I am saying is that I missed my opportunities to be a girl's first love. And therefore, I am destined to be alone for life.

    • Only because you erroneously believe that women are worthless after they have been in love. Quite frankly, if you're going to be that dumb and pigheaded, you deserve to be alone.

  • The last line in parentheses was a bit of a killjoy. So if that wasn't there itd be the sweetest thing on earth🙃

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  • I wouldn't waste any more time on her. Time to focus your energies elsewhere.

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    • Women are being placed on the back burner anyways

  • I think that was very sweet and you should know I think you should write more.
    its not creepy at all. try to get some published.

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    • Well thanks.

      I was always the "hopeless romantic" type

      A true beta quality at its best.

      But I am putting women on the back burner now. I hold my standards so damn high anyways.

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    • I just want to see the reactions

  • This is the most beta thing I've ever read in my life.

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    • Haha well I don't have to worry about it. She is with some guy she knew from high school anyways...

    • So ur not trying to win her back?
      What are u trying to achieve?

    • Nope... she is with a guy she met from high school. He already has an advantage over me in that sense. He got to experience an innocent time in her life I never got to have with her. Plus, she was serious with a guy for 2 years while she was in high school. She already had her first love.

      Life is a bitch but oh well

  • that's creepy honestly

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What Guys Said 8

  • These lines hurt to read:
    "Your beautiful"
    "Knowing your taken"
    "Something I wish I could of done from the start"
    "Has left my heart achen"

    Besides that, it is a bit cheesy, and the "In God's hands, one's life he molds" line isn't a great idea if you don't know whether she's religious or not, but worst of all: she was already in a relationship at the time?
    Seriously, get over it. She chose someone else, leave her alone.

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  • Its very very cheesy and a little creepy

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  • helps if you can English

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  • I think it's cheesy. It looks straight out of a Lifetime movie.

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  • I think you went a bit overboard, nice work on the rhyming couplets though.

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    • Thank you my kind sir

  • Sweet and creepy are pretty much the same thing, unless she already likes you.

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  • lol why

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  • "Your beautiful"
    ... Are you talking about her beautiful?

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