It Shouldve been only a short paragraph long, because it'd get stuck in her head better that way, and also, instead of sounding like a defeated loser, you should have been more fierce in expressing how you'll win her from that guy. Because realistically, you want to smash his head in, right? So why did you make the poem sound so light, as though you're happy for the guy and think he's lucky, when really, you should have made the poem more confident concerning yourself, and your strong feelings. Instead of saying "everything about you is worthwhile" you should have said something better. 99.9% of girls have worthless aspects, so why say that? I'm pretty sure even her mother would've disagreed
I think that poetry can be sweet, but you have to do it right. A poem like this would not win anybody over; if anything, it would just make the girl feel bad for you. Saying about how you are a mess because she's with someone else is not romantic. That's just going to make her feel bad for you.
If you want to write a romantic poem, make it about her, not you. Tell her the things you appreciate about her, and not just compliments about her eyes and smile. Talk about her personality. Talk about the first time you met. But whatever you do, don't talk about being sad and don't try to draw pity from her.
well you re good but it s cheesy lol. yea for me it s creepy or at least really really awkward. puts me in an uncomfortable position. I don t like public affection especially from someone I am not interested. reason why she did reject you I guess. anw she rejected you even before that song if she already loved someone else. a song isn t gonna change her mind or heart.
Uh if she was taken already, then I see why she might not have been moved
Besides, you were sort of seeing her. So maybe it wasn't exactly the right situation to write someone a poem.
I think she may have been a bit taken aback by it.
Next time you write a poem should be for someone you are seeing in a more steady way. Otherwise, it may spook them. Romantic gestures towards someone that is not really yours are always a very big risk.
These lines hurt to read: "Your beautiful" "Knowing your taken" "Something I wish I could of done from the start" "Has left my heart achen"
Besides that, it is a bit cheesy, and the "In God's hands, one's life he molds" line isn't a great idea if you don't know whether she's religious or not, but worst of all: she was already in a relationship at the time? Seriously, get over it. She chose someone else, leave her alone.