Should I Lower My Standards or Stay Single?

I am 17 and I have never officially had a boyfriend. I know I'm very young and I still have plenty of time. I think one of the core problems of failed relationships lies in people choosing the wrong/incompatible partners. So, I have made a list of 20 things I want in my partner in order to divorce-proof my future relationships. Divorce is nasty and I have seen my parents go through it. I know people don't come in lists but they are still pretty important. Do you have a list that is set in stone or you just go with the flow?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • never lower your standards. if you do you will end up very unhappy.

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    • Then I'd argue that you haven't really lowered your standards, and have instead just lied to yourself. Lowering your standards means that you actually stop being as judgmental, not pretend to stop being as judgmental

What Guys Said 22

  • i'm saving for marriage, and although i am very picky like you and have certain requirements that i look for in a girl, i also understand that no body is perfect. I have a lot of things that i want in a girl, and because of that i turned down many chances with girls. I've never been in a relationship either.

    You have to realize that if you keep the pickiness you will stay single for a long long time and there is a chance you might not find what you are looking for. and Even if you did, there is no way you can control their heart and make them like you back, there are chances that you are not what THEY are looking for (i went through that experience and it killed me).
    You have two choices, either stick to the list but accept that you will need to wait for a really long time until you find that person. (Btw it is very possible to fall in love with someone who has nothing in your list or just one or two things so keep that in mind).

    Or the 2nd one is to narrow that list down and pick the most the things that mean the MOST to you and HASSS to be in the guy no matter what. Then leave the rest as 'extra point if the guy has them'. I have like 15 things i look for in a girl but if i narrow it down to the things that mean the most to me it will come down to like 5 things only.

    I personally picked to keep my list and never settle for less. I'm planning to save for marriage, so better save for the best. Everyone who heard all the things i look for in a girl told me i'l stay single forever. I trust and believe 100% that one day i'l find the love of my life, but i also know she won't be having everything in my list. The lists that we have are merely filters to bring us closer to what we think we want and will make us happy. But sometimes we think the things that we want are good for us when they are not, and sometimes we think the things that we don't want are bad for us when they are actually good. Because of this previous statement, i believe that even though i have a list for what i want, there is a possibility that i end up with someone completely different from my list and only has like 1 or 2 things from it.

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  • Never lower your standards. You can't really lower them and be ok with it, you're just pretending you're ok, but in the end, you'd wish you were with someone better, someone you actually wanna be with.
    Lowering your standards is jut gonna make you unhappy.

    But yes, your high standards are the reason you're single now, cause at your age, people are full of flaws. As they get older they'll fix their flaws, and though they'll still have flaws, they'll be more close to what you want, than teenagers, obviously.

    Your high standards may be a problem now, but in the future you'll be glad you have high standards.

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    • I hear this all the time, and so many men and women are single cause of there standards
      but the question is what are her standards, cause she didn't really give an examples I wanna see her list

  • Well in my opinion you should not lower your standards but then again only you know what standards you are talking about.. long as you feel good about yourself always.. do not change nothing.. women to me are at their best when they are themselves and feel comfortable. it sure makes me happy and I am always at my best,, it always works out in the big picture.. just put yourself out there and guys will come to you.. always a guy or more for any woman and always a women or more for any guy.. I hope everything works out for you.. take care now

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  • Keep an open mind, but you should have standards. More importantly, learn to be single. Then, you won't feel the anxiety of finding someone

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  • I have a list of "musts" for people I would marry, and some apply to dates too. The key is not to over scrutinize someone too early. Meet the guy without worrying about marrying him. Experience is somethig that we all need.

    Don't lower your standards, but don't freak out over little stuff

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  • Never lower your standards! I went through the same thing as you, only recently having my first girlfriend. It'll all work out in the end.

    One thing to consider is that the fact that your first relationships won't last, so making a compromise here and there isn't the worst idea, as really you can consider earlier relationships to be learning experiences because wow will you learn a ton about yourself and what you're actually looking for.

    Good luck!

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  • As a teen, I decided to raise my appeal rather than lowering my standards. And it's been an amazing decision tbh, highly recommend!

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  • I had failed relationships with the wrong/incompatible partners (until I met my wife). Looking back, it was better than being alone and bitter like some guys I read here.

    Don't expect to meet the ideal husband without trying a few others first.
    Thus don't be in a hurry and impatient. Expect to be disappointed before meeting your ideal.

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  • Trying to find a perfect boyfriend is impossible since our world is just completely imperfect. There is no such thing as true perfection when dealing with human nature especially. You're going to have to take some risks if you're looking for a long term relationship.

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    • This right here, nobody is perfect. Looking for perfection is a lost cause.

      It would probably help if the OP SHARED their list of 20 qualifications, though

  • Your 17 don't lose hope people these days often have to wait until they are 30 to find their match.

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  • Don't "lower" your standards. How does that work anyways? Do you suddenly decide to like smth you never liked before? lol it doesn't really work. If nothing/no one who you think fits, or feels right to be with shows up, it's much better to say single, frankly. No reason to conform to other person when you are going to be unhappy in the long run.

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  • Depends how specific the list is. If you're going to ask for things that are way out of your own league, then I'd say lower standards or you'll be forever single. I don't think it's possible to tick all the boxes though so I just go with the flow.

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  • Lower your standards.

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  • At 17 you may think you know exactly what you're looking for in a man, but as the old saying goes, you'll have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. So get kissing!

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  • I would like to see your list 😶?

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  • let me see what you look like and what do you mean by standards?

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  • You can't divorce proof a relationship.

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  • care to share your list please?

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  • why only 20? why not 100?

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  • Lol gag -

    Guys are bbitched on for having standards

    Girls are praised. Men here are scared to have opinions of their own because they are weak minded scared individuals that's why on here and girls are praised bexause they are too "strong" minded and have made up their mind because they have accepted their bitter faith lol

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  • If you stick to a list of 20things you'll probably always be single cause not everyone can be everything. But that doesn't mean lower your standards. Stick with the key things your 17 don't worry about marriage now. But pick good quality guys then later before getting serious see if they will be good enough to marry but doesn't mean they will fit all 20 things.

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  • I don't know what your standards are, but you should most likely lower them. You aren't just dating in order to find the person you want to marry. You are also dating to find out what you don't want to marry. Your standards could very well be keeping you ignorant to even more important standards you may need to one day add to that list. Just date, and have fun for now.

    Don't worry about him fitting every single standard. He may not fit some of your standards, but he may have traits you haven't even considered yet that could be just as important if not more. You are so young, you aren't even the same person you will be in a few years anyway, so your standards of what you want in a husband is very likely to change.

    Chances are very few people would match a list of any 20 traits on a list, much less some that are created to divorce proof a marriage. Even if they did, it is doubtful you could match all 20 of their standards that they thought you should have to divorce proof their marriage. That is assuming if they also had such a list. I don't know what is on your list, but it is likely very unrealistic.

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What Girls Said 12

  • You should never lower your standards. Instead you should find happiness being single c: Once you realize that you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy there will be much less pressure placed on relationships. Trust me. I'm around your age and have never been in a relationship. I feel you.
    Also, regarding that list you made, I learned in my psych 101 class that psychologists believe everyone has a check list (whether they're aware of it nor not) in their mind that they refer to when they meet people. Not sure if this even helps and I don't know what the correct term is cause I fell asleep right after that LOL.
    Regarding this:
    "So, I have made a list of 20 things I want in my partner in order to divorce-proof my future relationships."
    I don't think that is a realistic mentality because even if you did end up with someone who checks off everything on that list, there's no such thing as "divorce proofing". Life just isn't that predictable but that's what makes it so exciting.
    GOOD LUCK! You never know what the future holds so if you meet someone you really like then go for it!

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  • I was also lyk u. actually i used to be so devoted to my studies dat i never paid attention to such things coz i thought true luv doesn't exist... bt den sumone came in my lyf lyk a blessing frm god. i never was interested in such things bt dis guy gave me d proof dat its worthy to fall in luv wid sumone who deserves it.. i know todays youngsters r doing such things dats making u think lyk dat. bt one thing i would say still der r people in d world who believe in LOVE & not LUST... so if u think u can get sumone who will luv u lyk his life den its worthy or else its a waste of tym. seriously believe me i was completely lyk u. bt now i hv started to believe in love. i feel lucky dat i hv got sumone who hd d. power to change my mindset & now he matters to me so much dat i can't xplain in words.. v both r each oder's LIFE... he is no less dan an angel to me...

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    • Wow that's such a nice thing, am pleased to hear how your mindset about men changed for good.

  • Don't ever lower your standards no matter what. If you do you won't be very happy. Always keep your standards high.

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  • In my opinion, it's always better to stay single than to lower your standards and be stuck with a guy who doesn't treat you right.

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  • Whats ur list?

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  • Yes you should lower your standards or you will stay single.

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  • What standards are they? You should consider which ones are set in stone and which ones are optional. I agree there are some standards that should be set in stone, but I'm not sure about yours, so I wouldn't be able to say.

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  • Can we see the list?

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  • stay single

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  • Stay single! Don't lower you standards :)
    I'm almost 18 and never have a boyfriend too don't worry hahaha :)

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  • If you are a virgin, then you should still keep your standards. Many men actually find a virgin wife very desirable. The more sexual partners you have as a woman, the less options you have to find a husband. It's an inverse relationship. Of course, chastity is not the only virtue. You have to be physically attractive, kind, intelligent, disciplined, and scrupulous. If you have all those characteristics, I doubt a sensible man would deny you.

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