How to break up?

I met a great guy who has awesome personality that we totally get eachother but his life is a wreck. We met to get to know eachother for dating and really clicked... now he really wants us to be very serious (he's even mentioned marriage down the road) but he just told me all the stuff that's happening and he's got a real mess (he's 36, no house.. he's temp living with family, no license... trying to get it back, no car, etc...). I'd be all for a serious relationship if I could see a longterm future with him because he is an amazing person but there are a lot of things that I know I can't live with (smoking, over drinking, money spending, etc) but I don't want him to change anything for/because of me. He says he's "fixing things" but I don't see any of them being "easy" or happening in near future and again don't want him to make these decisions or changes because of me...
How should I tell him I can't date him like this? Could we just be friends (nothing physical JUST FRIENDS) to see if he does "clean up"? How could I bring up I might be interested in the future without stringing him along?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe just tell him, over text or over the phone if you're more comfortable with that. You have to first make sure that he knows you are not comfortable with what's going on in his life and take it from there because it's important that you two are on the same page.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Tell him there's too many lifestyle differences to overcome. Do not say "let's be friends" because it's a lie and never happens

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  • Just tell him you're not interested in relation...
    All you can offer is friendship.. Be straightforward..
    People never change... They can only become better version of themselves..

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What Girls Said 1

  • i had a boyfriend like that. you and i are in diff. stage of our lives.
    i dont care about marriage and stuff. he mentioned it before. but knowing his life style, i didn't even want him to move in (makes things less complicated)
    you have to look out for yourself, if you want a family and all. He is not going to change.
    my was nice to me but at the end, i won't give him what he wants (moving in and all).. he moved on. now he tells me agin, he is cutting down on the drinking and the smoking with the new woman. they dont change. they have deep seeded issues...
    he is going to the 4th women with no gaps...

    how and where is he spending his money? how is he at his job?

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