So the deal is, I am a 20 year old female in college and I am tired of being single. I am attractive (not trying to be conceited, I just know that is a factor for many people) but I never seem to get asked out by guys. I've decided the only way to get what I want here is to swallow my fear and go for it. The problem? I'm absolutely terrified. what do I say? What if I get shot down? What if im just being silly? Help!!
Hmm ok, I'll help you out. You can use one of 2 ways;
Person you know: Oh hey, I saw this new place over at ___________ you wanna go check it out? Or, I'm feeling bored, wanna go hang out? (If its someone you know it makes it very easy to ask someone out without it being creepy & most likely you won't get shot down that way.
Person you don't know: This one's a little tricky because when you approach someone new you don't want to come off as desperate or creepy so: 1. Observe before approach: Not stalk the person, but observe, is it someone in your class? Do they like reading? Is there a specific subject they like? Let's say you usually see them reading a certain book, take a read of that book and use it as a way to communicate and 'break the ice' Example: Oh I see you like reading (Book name) ask them what they thought of the book so far and then go from there. Maybe invite them out to a book reading if they're into that. Do they like sports? Ask them if they'd like to go with you to the next college sports event.
See, asking a person out isn't that hard when you OBSERVE before APPROACH.
If you don't want the pressure that comes with a date then I would suggest just asking them to hang out with you first. Causal like at a coffee shop or something just to test the waters and see how well you vibe with them. "Do you wanna grab coffee _______ ?"
Welcome to being a guy! it isn't easy for us and takes training and practice and yes you may get shot down because the guy is insecure. If you really like him, try to be patient. More attractive women, especially tall ones often don't get approached because guys are intimidated. (I used to be not so much now although a really attractive woman still is difficult). No way around this, attraction creates chemicals and the brain starts going into a different state... So see if you an come up with a routine... that's what pickup artists do.
Honestly, if you are the aggressor, then have your boundaries because he (depending on who you go for) would see that as a strong advance of interest and my misinterpret the speed of the relationship. I've had women ask me out graciously with class and others aggressively... I prefer gracious, allusions to getting together to do something. In general. Move into their space, not directly (side approach is best as head on is a threat and aggressive) and talk about nothing important. Dont' be needy. Toss out ideas along the way of how there is this neat restaurant, has he heard of it.
End: "I'm on a tight schedule, but I enjoyed our conversation. I have some time next XYZ, would you be interested in continuing the discussion"? exchange numbers, make sure it works there.
As a guy who likes to see a potential SO take initiative, I have to say bravo to you. 1) How do I go about asking him out?: The same way he would ask you out. Approach him, start a small conversation, and just as you're about to part ways ask him if he'd like to grab coffee with you sometime. That's what I did in college. 2) "What if I get shot down?": Who cares? Don't take it personally. There are many reasons why a guy would turn you down - in a relationship, busy with school, busy with work, gay, not interested in dating, etc. Chances are it has nothing to do with you.
Well I know as an attractive guy myself I am also very shy when it comes to asking a girl out. If I fancied you I would probably think of ways to ask you out. Most likely give you random glances from accross the room and hold eye contact but when it comes to actually making a move I would chicken out.
Guys are very simple. The way you ask a guy out is go up to him and talk to him and ask. It doesn't take any tricks or anything genius or fancy. The more simple and direct, the better. Don't over think it.
Men have had to deal with this since the beginning of time. The sad truth is that, as the aggressor, you do risk getting shot down. Often. So what? Plenty of fish in the sea. The more you do it, the easier it gets.