Is him grabbing my throat all the time a red flag?

I've been on three dates with this guy. I met him through my friends coworkers party. I agreed to go on the first date not really beung attracted at all but then we hit it off so i agreed to a second date and we kissed at the end of it. And we text in between. Before the third date he said he missed me. I didn't say it back bc i just dont wanna be clingy. But everything was really great. And he also told me about his lifestyle that he's trying to get out of. he's in a gang but he can't leave otherwise they'll kill him but he still wants to be something else in life. THIS IS WHY I GAVE IT A SHOT. it really seems like he wants to change. He always tells me about his temper and how he's gotten fired bc he starts fights but he's also working on that. Well my dumbass believed it. Third date was last night. He came off as a little controlling. Id be driving and i guess his way of flirting was grabbing my neck and kinda wiggling me around. Even when we got to his place he did that a lot. And like if he wanted to kiss me he would just pull me closer but it was never gentle. Everything just felt sexually aggressive lol. He would randomly bite me while we watched tv. But my arm bit my back. Bit my neck and ears. He also licked my nose. This was before we even made out or anything. And I don't know he does a lot of neck grabbing to get me to do things. (well he did that when i was driving lol) he also called me this one name that i totally forgot. Its basically a fuckgirl or a bitch. Just someone people fuck with. I got so mad. I'm not like that. He said he was kidding and then after he asked if i was mad but i replied with "oh ya think i care haha" I'm normally sassy so i say things like that. I dont want him to think i got butthurt bc of that. But yeah I don't know


0|0
14|13

Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay, you fucking listen to me.

    Is this boy bullshitting about being in a gang and trying to get out? Because honey, that is NOT something that anyone should EVER bullshit about.

    If he actually IS a marked man, and he's been seen together with you, then YOU are marked, too.
    That is how gangs operate. If they suspect that he's a snitch -- or a potential snitch -- and they want to silence him, then they're damn well also gna go after whomever he's most likely to snitch TO.
    That would be... you. His woman.

    The BEST case scenario here is that this guy's zodiac sign is Taurus, because everything he's telling you is fucking bull.

    If he is, in fact, telling the truth about this whole gang thing, then, DO NOT LET HIM KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, and stay the fuck away. If he's actually not lying about this, then, YOUR life will quite literally depend on it, too.

    2|1
    0|0
    • He told me all about this on the second date bc he wants me to know what I'm getting to. But i guess i never really thought about him snitching. he's a virgo. I don't know what that has to do with anything. I just figured if I refused to go to the meetings with him and refused to hear about any of it and just keep him my secret and away from my job an family that it would be okay. He doesn't dress like that for the same reason he's trying to change. His gang is fine with him not looking like the rest bc he said hed serve as undercover. But wherever he is, even if at work, if they need his help he has to drop everything and go to them (him being loyal to them) otherwise he'll probably be beat or something. He lives on the opposite end of town so i never see anyone i know or vice versa. He's a secret.

    • Show All
    • Yes I 100% agree with redeyemindtricks, You need to listen to what she is saying!! Look at the OVERWHELMING CONSENSUS of EVERYONE. RUN. RUN. RUN. Damn I'd even suggest moving to a new town. Why are you getting yourself involved with him? He is NOT going to be the love of your life, get outta there before you DIE.

    • you're both right. he's also clingy. He started missing me after the second date and sends me texts with question marks when i dont reply bc im at work or whatever. He asks if its weird that he's listening to love songs at work and thinking about me. He told me that he wishes id come home to him instead. Shit is gettinf harder to reply to. Going to stop replying. Or sabotage everything so he drops me instead and doesn't hate me. Our first date was literally last Wednesday. Too much.

What Guys Said 12

  • move on

    0|0
    0|0
  • Everything about him is a red flag! Walk away while you still can.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Masochistic guy, simple as that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It sounds like he's a Dom and you're playing right into it but if you don't like it end it because it's going to get a lot crazy especially if you're not into the whole BDSM thing. If you arn't this is a very bad start for a virgin of BDSM

    0|0
    0|0
    • I've only ever been with one other guy and he wasn't like that lol he asked permission for everything. Complete opposite

    • Are you ok with this?

  • Just... get out of that story, girl.
    Just no...

    1|0
    0|0
  • Walk away. Now.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If it bothers you enough to ask this question, then you should definitely move on. You are obviously concerned about your safety, so it's best to get away from it while you can, before something bad/worse happens.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Is him grabbing my throat all the time a red flag?

    To me it is! I wouldn't want to be a relationship where someone was like that. Something would have to change.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm all for giving people a chance, but... seriously?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah, he's an abuser.. get away from him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • RUN AWAY, he is sick in his head.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Move on, these pussies ain't know how to handle gals fam

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 13

  • How do I put this...

    FUCKING RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

    0|2
    0|0
  • It obviously makes you uncomfortable. It would probably make me uncomfortable as well. Have you ever mentioned how you don't like/it scares you when he grabs you by the throat?

    Basically you have to decide if you can trust him enough to allow him to change or if you just want to cut and run. If it were me, I'd be doing the latter.

    0|0
    0|0
    • No I don't know how to bring it up? Whens he's calm or in the moment

    • Either works.

  • Is ditch him. I wouldn't ever be okay with a guy calling me a name like that and I wouldn't be okay with him messing with me while I was trying to drive. He already has so much baggage and he doesn't respect you. Id be done.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He sounds like bad news all around. Don't waste your time with a fuckin gang banger.. seriously. You're just gonna end up hurt. Whether he wants out or not, he's still stuck in that life and there's no good reason you should be drawn in too. Not to mention, his aggressive behaviour is a bit frightening in and of itself. Couple that with the gang life and the fact that he admits he's got anger issues, and I'd be out of there so fucking fast!!

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wouldn't like that!

    0|0
    0|0
  • I hope you are joking when you ask this. None of that is okay! Get as far away from this guy as you can. Immediately if not sooner..

    0|0
    0|0
  • "he's in a gang but he can't leave otherwise they'll kill him but he still wants to be something else in life." i didn't bother reading the rest, you need to leave him now. no point in getting into a relationship with a convict.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Leave him now

    0|0
    0|0
  • Oh no girl, this guy doesn't sound right. A guy is supposed to treat a girl gently and lovingly!

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he is in a gang they even kill the girlfriends of the gang banger. So leave and everything else is red flag. You can do better with someone who is a millions times better and won't put your life at risk.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't date him that is the beginning of an aggressive/abusive relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sounds like 1. He's got a fucked up dangerous life. He's in a gang and it's almost impossible to get out of those alive.
    2. He's got kinks and fetishes you do not share. It can be perfectly healthy to be into dominant sadism, but it doesn't sound like you're into being his submissive toy.

    Red flags all over, I wouldn't continue if I were you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You're not very attracted to him, he's in a gang, has a bad temper, already calls you names and makes you uncomfortable. Drop him.

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...