I keep having new boyfriends, what do I do?

So in the last 3-4 years I've had 4 different relationships, two of around 4 months and two that lasted a year. The longest I've been without a boyfriend is 3 months. Recently I broke up with the 4th boyfriend, as always because I start freaking out about not really being in love and I thought that it was the perfect moment to actually be single and start to know myself. But then again, 3 months later I met this amazing guy. And he really is perfect. But I'm freaking out now because we just said that we're exclusive and in a relationship (and I agreed, because when I'm with him I feel like everything is perfect) but actually, what about my plans about being single? I don't want to lose him over this, he really is awesome. But I also think I need to stop being in relationships all the time and it's the 5th time this happens. I don't want to tell him to slow down or that I'm freaking out because I don't want to lose him, and I'm fine with being in a relationship but I feel like I really shouldn't because it's probably going to end the same way as the others. What do I do?


What Guys Said 2

  • We call that a self-fulfilling prophesy. You keep telling yourself that the relationship is going to fail. So, naturally you act as if though it has already failed... ironically, causing it to fail.
    Be more positive, take it one day at a time. Let your boyfriend know that you are independent. Let him know that you need "me time" but will also make time for "us time."

    • that makes a lot of sense. You are right, I do that a lot. I'll try to follow that advice. Thank you!

    • My pleasure!

  • There are some women that just don't feel like they're a complete woman unless they have a man. I think it has something to do with self esteem

    • I don't know because I don't feel like I have self-esteem problems at all. I feel like I love the high of being "in love" and once it's over because the honeymoon period stops and it starts becoming more stable, I get bored and realize I might not be that interested. So that makes my relationships rather superficial and full of infatuation, lacking in love. That's why I feel like I need to be single and get over that addiction to the infatuation high. At the same time, I really like the guy I'm seeing and I don't want this to affect the relationship I have with him because what if it could actually eventually turn into love? But I don't know how to make it more realistic and serious without getting bored. Right now I'm on the high stage so it's actually harder to know if I'm really into him or I'm just going back to the vicious circle of starting new relationships because I like the infatuation

    • These are questions a therapist can answer

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