I was only 22 at the time (now I'm 28) and not really ready, he was already almost 7 years older than me. It resulted in an break-up within a short time followed by not ever hearing from him again.
Fast-forward to weeks ago: I was dating someone (not my bf) and the topic about how some guy's marriage proposal got declined in a basketball game stadium came and my date thought the girl was mean to say no, how she could have accepted it but postpone it because it's according to him it's already hard when guys get rejected when asking out a girl he likes on a date so a rejection like that it's like rejecting him as a whole.
When I told him about what I did long ago, he also thought I should have accepted it and pospone it. This is the same thing one of my friends told me long ago. At the time, yes I did felt some guilt even if part of me feels I did nothing wrong.
Yes, at the time I thought about how it would have been better saying yes and posponing it even if I didn't want to.
But now I think it's right not to say yes if you really don't feel ready. So in your view, is it right to decline along with an explanation given as I did or should a girl spare his feeling and accept it but postpone it?
You must be really stupid to ask your girlfriend in marriage in front of an audience when you are not even sure she'll say yes. I actually find it disrespectful because you are putting undue pressure on her to accept because she doesn't want to humiliate you in public. If you do that, you deserve to be humiliated. You were right to decline. Your current boyfriend is being unfair.
What the fuck? That dude is weird. No, you should not accept a proposal you don't want ever. You did the right thing saying no. It's so much worse to say yes and then change your answer later. Besides, if a guy asks a woman to marry him and she isn't ready, I really have no sympathy the him when she says no... a marriage proposal isn't something that should ever be sprung on someone when it hasn't already been talked about seriously, and it is definitely not something that should be done publicly if the person proposing isn't 100% sure the answer is yes and 100% sure the askee wants a public proposal. Springing something like that on someone who isn't ready for it is inconsiderate and selfish.
I think realistically... a man or woman, even at 22, should be open to marriage if they meet someone they actually love. What are y'all hoping to do later that you can't now?
Hoping to have lots of casual sex? Drinking or drugs? What? You can travel with a spouse. Even if you don't make much cash, two people splitting housing fees makes it easier. School? Completely possible.
I disagree with that guy and your friend. If you're not ready you're not ready. You shouldn't say yes and try and postpone it just to make someone feel better.. plus, what happens if you try and postpone it and he doesn't agree and then you get married earlier than when you're ready to be?
You did nothing wrong. The whole point of a marriage PROPOSAL is he asks you the question, and YOU get to decide yes or no. ALSO.. surprise proposals make no sense at all. Logistically, marriages are a huge commitment as well. You have to both know that you're willing to do it, are financially stable enough to do it, have the same plans for the future and do want to be together. A proposal should never be a surprise in the sense that the girl has no clue that it's going to happen. A couple should talk about marriage and decide that they do want it together before the actual proposal.
I was proposed to the summer after high school. I told him I wasn't ready yet. He basically gave me the ultimatum of 'now or never'. I didn't want to break up, I just didn't want to get married at 18. He walked. I do wish he had waited, because he was a great guy, but never once have I regretted not getting married when I was still practically a child. So I think you did the right thing by being honest with him.
You didn't do anything wrong, marriage is a huge step if you're not ready your just not ready. I have seen many people get a divorce and they all say the same thing, " I wasn't really ready" or " it felt like I was getting forced to marry so I did" don't let anyone make you feel bad. You did the right thing.