My 15 year old daughters dating an 18 year old metalhead who takes drugs, should I allow it?

Aside from the drugs, he seems like a nice guy and he's in college and she promises not to go down the same path as him

  • Allow
    19% (7)25% (9)22% (16)Vote
  • Not allow
    81% (29)75% (27)78% (56)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
And I just picked a random date of birth, obviously not my own so yeah...
Also, the drug is weed

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly, I wouldn't put too much stock in what she says. Many girls, and indeed many people in general, say "I won't do this", but then they end up doing it for whatever reason. I know this because... well, I didn't actually do what I said I wouldn't do, but I got to a point that I would have been willing to if it came down to it.

    Think about a time or TIMES in your own life when you were that person. Or maybe your husband. Or anyone that you know. I would then say to her "look, I understand that you're excited about being in a relationship. I also understand that you want to honor the values that I raised you with. But when you're in the position that you are now, it's easy to say that nothing will change." Notice that I didn't say anything about her youth. Don't comment on her youth. That will tell her that you think that because she's young that she's automatically incapable of making good decisions. Yes, she is young and wild at heart, but I still wouldn't recommend addressing her youth directly.

    I would ask her what she finds attractive about him. You want to show that you are genuinely interested in her life (as you should be). Then you want to ask her WHY that's attractive. This is so that you can catch the red flags when you see them (know what they are, please) and you can share about your own experiences from when you were younger and first learning about men and what they're like.

    Basically, I wouldn't recommend outright banning her from seeing this guy. At least not right now. You want to say things that will make her think more deeply about the situation. As @JuicyBrain said, an outright ban would likely make her want him more.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that for now, it's best to allow the relationship but to keep a close eye on it. So like having them spend time together where you can be around in the background. He's probably a good dude, but she's very young. That's all that concerns me in this instance. I feel like not allowing her to see this guy will just make her go behind your back, which could put her in danger. Best to have everything out in the open where you can see what's going on than to have her sneak around.

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What Guys Said 18

  • That's a tough one to answer. Don't have a problem with the metal head (that's really not an issue, or shouldn't be anyway) but the drugs is. I'd have a problem with that to. And your daughter may not intend to go down that road but over time, in a weak moment? Maybe I'll try this? Then this? Then before you know it she's with him? Hopefully she's strong enough. My thoughts are if she doesn't intend to go down that road why is she with him? I personally want nothing to do with drugs. I don't judge people but I would never choose to be in a relationship with someone that does drugs when I want nothing to do with them. In other words, I don't even want to be around them and I would think most people wouldn't (that don't do them)... but, maybe not everyone thinks that way? I have the feeling though if you "forbid" it she's just going to see him behind your back anyway and it will only hurt your relationship with her. I would express your concerns nicely but ultimately I think you just have to let her make her own choices/mistakes and just be there for her whatever happens.

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  • If you want your 15yo to fall madly in love with him, disallow her from seeing him. You can be sure she'll see him more just to spite you. If you let her be, she will find out soon enough if he is bad news? If you show her the pros and cons of situations and let her make her mistakes, she will learn and won't hate you. If you give her orders, she will rebel.

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  • If it's weed I don't think you should be concerned. Shady Drug Dealers are the Gateway not pot. Metal now is like D&D in the 80's and Rock 'n' Roll in the 60's. You need to give her space and only step in when there is a clear and well defined danger (she decides to buy a Mac). If you do this she won't shut you out and will give your opinions and guidance weight. Communication is a more powerful tool then Authority.

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  • Your age is displayed - So you had your daughter somewhere between the age of 3 and 9.

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  • there are some lessons people can´t just be verbally told. sometimes you´ll have to fall to learn what was wrong. i´d say, let her have it and let her learn it on her own. just try to watch out for the drug thing. be sure she won´t do drugs but i guess i don´t have to tell you that xD

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  • What kind of drugs, cos if it's like meth then just no but I don't think weed is that bad but he might get your daughter into it to decide whether you want that to happen or not.

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  • That is me but I don't take drugs.
    Metal 4 lief.

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  • Depends on the drugs and the kind of metal.

    Coke and Amnity Afflication means save her while you can.
    Weed, psychedelics and Gorguts means he's on the path to enlightenment.

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  • Hell no!
    Drugs?
    You should not have to ask.

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  • what kinds of drugs are you talking about?

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  • no you shouldn't never allow then to date this stupid kind of drug addict.

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    • That's the best way to make sure she will date him secretly.

    • @JuicyBrain then what do you suggest?

    • You try to show her who he really is and you let her do her mistakes. She already seems to know drugs are destructive as she agreed not to go down the same path. The mother said herself he is a good kid, if her daughter wants him, why not let her go for it while keeping an eye on things.

  • You actually ask us if it's ok to allow it. Some people really shouldn't breed.

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  • It really is your choice as a parent to decide what is best for your child while they are not an adult. Maybe if you really wanted to try to make a compromise, you could convince him to at least stop doing drugs if that bothers or concerns you.

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  • 😂😂😂😂 you had your kid when you were4 gtfo troll God you're sad

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  • Omg no, its horrible.

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  • That's rape

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  • Yeah I don't see why not.
    And just saying he takes drugs doesn't say much, could just be weed or just the odd thing from time to time

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  • If he didn't do the drugs talk to her to get him help.

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What Girls Said 9

  • If this is a troll then it's an obvious one via the age.

    If it's not then you still aren't able to make that choice. It's her life, who she falls for is her choice. The most you can do is warn her or the concerns you have.

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    • That's a good point. By that age, children some have already learned, gained enough trust, and are ideally responsible to make guided choices.

  • You should talk to the boy. Warn him that if he does anything wrong to your daughter there will be major consequences (even if it's an empty threat). You should also talk to your daughter and tell her that you trust her, show her the dangers of drug abuse, and just keep an eye out afterwards

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  • All the metalheads I know are some of the kindest and politest people. =)

    I know some of them love pot, but no other extremely dire drugs. What drug is he using?
    If it's something stronger than pot, then no, you shouldn't let her be with him.

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  • This is just so obvious that I am not even sure why I am bothering to reply !

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  • Are you serious? be a parent not a friend and do not allow this

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  • What? Hell no. Intervene now!!

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  • nope

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  • this is going to be a big mistake to let her do this you need to stop it but you are really unable to because the second you sad don't do it she will. sit down and talk it through this is the only option. I hope it goes well

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  • I'm 14 about to be 15 and I for one think it's a very bad idea 16 is okay but 17 is stretching it and of he does drugs then why would you let your daughter be around him for all you know your daughter could be doing it to and many other things if you know what I mean.

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    • I agree with you, the age difference could pose a problem. Age ratio is 15/18 or 18/15, which reduces to 5/6 or 6/5, which is approximately comes to half of one third less than a full one hundred percent or 83.33% in the former case, or one and one-fifth 120.00% in latter. The relative age perspectives are significantly noticeable.

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