Is he only interested in sex?

We're flirting long-distance. This has been going on for a good year or so, and we've only kissed last month or so. We work in the same field, and next month there's a work trip that will put us in the same city.

Somehow I got persuaded that I should share the same hotel room with him (for two nights!) and now I'm having second thoughts (really, an entire month is too long to be waiting for sex, knowing that it will happen). Do you think that it's possible that he only wants sex?

In our daily conversations he rarely mentions sex (maybe small innuendos here and there but even that's not so frequent) and he just wants to know about my day and whatnot. And I guess when you're long distance, you have to take every opportunity to make progress with your relationship, but I'm just afraid that he'll never speak to me again after we have sex. Do you think he's only talking to me because he wants sex? Will he disappear after having sex?


What Guys Said 1

  • If this has been going on for over a year, it's not all about sex because nobody will flirt with someone that long in hopes of having sex. However, that being said, since it has been a year he probably thinks that whatever you have is moving forward and would like to continue moving forward. The sex is the next step. What you didn't say was whether or not you want sex. It all still is in your hands. Be honest with him if you don't want to have sex and be willing to accept the consequences. But also be honest with yourself, and if you want to have sex with him then you need to know if you can handle what comes next. Or doesn't come next. Sex is never black and white.

    • Oh, I want it so much! There's a small insecurity worrying me in the back of my mind, that once we have sex he'll disappear forever, but I guess that's a risk that everyone must take!

What Girls Said 1

  • I do not know this guy nor your circumstances but when I hear of long distance relationships (LDR) which are only beginning, I'm concerned. If you knew each other and dated ahead of being in a LDR then things should work. If this is not the case, I first consider the fact that a guy usually wants to be with a women in the same town in order to see her regularly and to also have sex. Sex gives a guy reassurance that he is loved, desired and respected. LDR means he doesn't have access to sex. LDR may also mean that you're one of many he can have sex with and not have any strings attached. This guy may genuinely not have anyone else but that may be because of his own baggage or faith. Please be careful. If you're worried, are you sure you will get the answer you want to hear?

    • We're friends for two years, and we've gone on a couple of dates before we moved away. I'm almost positive that there is no one else, because he messages me every day before he goes to sleep (and also during the day) and we usually talk about not sex things, but this long distance thing scares me. But then, the guy had three other girlfriends before and they were all long distance for several years each...