Do Guys Really Not Care About Texts?

I have been hanging out with this guy for over a month and we barely ever text each other. This has bothered me for almost the whole time I have known him. We hang out and have a great time, usually a few times a week, and he seems to be really interested. But then I know he got a new schedule this week where we weren't able to hang out because he started working really early so I didn't see him and he of course, didn't text either. I talked to girlfriends about this and they told me all of the guys they are now in relationships with didn't text them much at first either. One of my friends had to tell her SO to text her more because he would also disappear for days, so he did. Another, also saw her boyfriend a few times a week at first so he didn't text much outside of that, and the last didn't "feel the need to talk to her every single day". So many people say that, "if he was interested he would be texting you", but every one I talk to says that is not true. They said, it was not because guys don't care or aren't on their mind, they just have other stuff going on. We thought that; women kind of put a lot of her attention and thoughts on a guy when they first meet, whereas, guys usually still think about and focus on all things in their lives equally but added to that is this girl they like mixed in too. I know this may not be true for everyone but guys and girls definitely think very differently from each other and 3/3 friends (in happy relationships) have told me that their boyfriends had sucky texting habits at first too. So what do you guys really think? Is it lack of interest or the opposite of sexes?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It can be a bit of both a lack of interest and it being the different sex or perhaps just there personal preference. Don't forget race/ big family/ small family I think that factors in a little bit. I like to text for at least an hour if I can't call or hang out that day (fyi girlfriend was basically deaf). She had a huge family and lots of friends and I on the other hand am an introverted only child with very few friends, most of which are long distance so I text her more often then shed like and shed give be the cold shoulder or be bitchy I felt I was doing nothing wrong lol Who really know, just be thankful you don't have a paranoid personality after like 4 or 5 hours I'm thinking what the f are they doing over there? cheating? partying? ignoring me or just sleeping or what? mind goes a mile a minute and I feel like shit then, don't be like me lol

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    • In a way it is my paranoid thinking, wondering if he is ghosting, not that interested, or if it is his schedule and he is worried I don't want him to text. I honestly do believe that despite what all my friends said, if he was interested he should be texting. And if his work schedule doesn't allow us to see each other as much, then he is going to have to text and put in more effort to see me, and so far, he is not. :-( A guy should never make me wonder what his level of interest is or where he stands and I should have walked away awhile ago, but even if I see him tomorrow I am sure I will forget it all and hang out with him again. So, paranoia is very much here.

What Guys Said 1

  • I personally love to text new people or old friends. Unfortunately lots of people don't seem to text very much by their own volition. Mention it to him and I am sure that with a little patience and maybe a few reminders he will have good texting habits in a timely fashion. Some guys probably don't text much because we are frequently told that calling and the like is more personable so maybe he is a little hesitant because of that. One thing I have noticed just texting my friends is that it is shocking how easy it is for them to forget of text back when they have a busier day. You would think they could squeeze it easy but I guess not.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Does it really matter what HE thinks? Just stop for a second and ask yourself that question. You are basically settling for HIS terms here. You don't like, but you're gonna suck it up because maybe that's just the way he is. So what if he is? It still doesn't change the fact that YOU would like him to give you more attention. And that is NORMAL. Some girls don't care, but YOU do. It doesn't make you clingy. And even if it does, IT'S WHO YOU ARE, and there's nothing wrong with that. He can be the greatest guy in the world, but that honestly doesn't matter. What matters is if YOU like the way he rolls? I sense that you don't. So either talk to him about it, or find someone who is more compatible with you. It's no ones fault that you don't want the same things, happens all the time. We girls often live in an illusion that a guy is gonna change his ways for us, and that's the root of a failed relationship. This is your life, stop comparing it with your friends. If you don't like it, move on.

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    • Well, I also feel like a hypocrite because I don't text him either and when I think about it, I wonder what I would say... and I got nothing. Also, after seeing him about three days a week as it is and only a month of dating, I don't necessarily think we need to text all the time on top of that. In this case where his new schedule prevented us from seeing each other I wished he would have texted, and I am now at the point where it would be nice to add the element so it feels a little more secure. The point of my question was in general, people say it shows a lack of interest and I am just saying that 3/3 people I talked to about adding that element at this point say their SOs also did not text much, so they talked to them about it and they did change.

    • Well I'm gonna be the 4th one to disagree then. My was the same and we actually "broke up" few hours ago. I confronted him about texting (and some other small things that didn't make me feel secure enough) and he said he doesn't know if he wants a serious relationship at this point. My guts were right. Just saying. :)

    • I am so sorry to hear that! And honestly, I was just theorizing on the whole he's not interested if he is not texting thing people talk about. But, I am afraid to talk to this guy about it because I feel the result will be the same as yours. At first, of course, I thought we would just have a fun and light hearted thing, but now I do like him and do care which I guess was inevitable. I keep trying to convince myself to walk away, but I have a horrible friend who keeps trying to say, "No, he likes you, he is probably just doing (blank)" Stop telling me these things! He doesn't seem that interested and I SHOULD walk away!! And hearing your situation, I will do that. Actually, I texted him yesterday, so now ball is in his court and we will see what he does with it, I am not going to to contact him anymore. Once again, I am sorry, that sucks. But, you at least inspired someone to walk away to avoid the same thing.

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