Why do smart, interesting, and attractive people, men and women, get into self destructive relationships when they have the pick of the litter?

It boggles my mind why someone would be willing to subjective themselves to bad relationships when they can easily find something better. I'm a guy with very little options, yet I am always careful with who I choose to take a chance on.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Nobody goes into a relationship thinking "hell yeah I want to be abused and feel like shit". Abuse is something that happens gradually, and almost painlessly, until you're suddenly standing there with no self-esteem left wondering wtf happened. Abuse can be so subtle and lots of people keep justifying it and downplaying it because they have already fallen for the abusive person. It's not about being extra careful. It's about an extremely manipulative person who knows exactly what to do and say, in order to abuse someone yet make them stay. Your view of abuse is very simple-minded and black and white. It doesn't really work like that. Usually it's not just waking up one day and having your partner beat the shit out of you. The abusive person carefully calculates their every move, slowly stretching your boundaries, carefully crossing all the lines, while at the same time making you look like YOU'RE the one at fault. That YOU'RE overreacting and that the abuse is completely normal.
    So don't judge those in abusive relationships. They've been stripped of their self-esteem and essentially brainwashed by the fucked up person who's abusing them.

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    • Because their partners feel less attractive, are insecure, paranoid, and want them to themselves only.

What Girls Said 15

  • I agree with another poster who said that even good, attractive people have a hard time in relationships: you can't always choose who you're attracted to. In the beginning you want to give someone a chance (unless they put up red flags) and not to over-analyze tiny things. Most people know to avoid red flags, so other things sneak in. No one is perfect, so we have to figure out what flaws are acceptable and which are detrimental. But so many people know that in the beginning of a relationship, you're both on your best behavior, so. it's not until later down the road that you might realize that something has changed and you're not with who you thought you were. By then you might have developed real feelings, and it's harder to see what you're immersed in. It happens to everyone - and it's why having good friends around is so important, so they can snap you out of it.

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  • Even the smartest, most interesting and most attractive person finds it difficult to find something better. If you think those kind of people have it easy, then you are very wrong.

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  • Unfortunately you can't choose who you fall in love with. And you never know a persons situation. They could have fallen in love with the person because that person put up a lovey dovey front. And when they switched they thought it's just a phase that would pass so they tolerate their nonsense. Or they want to fix that person. Tons of reasons dude.

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  • I'm selective about who I'd date, but people have no control ove who they fall for. Besides, sometimes you don't realise the relationship is wrong for you until you've developed strong feelings for someone, and you have been together for a whle. They may have choosen, what they personally view as the best out of the" litter".

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  • taking a chance happens before falling in love. my guess is when they took a chance on the person the person seemed worth it... once yore in love its an ordeal to decide its definitely not worth it. takes time. but doest mean they dont leave ultimately.

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  • Because... we feel bad for the users and abusers & feel the need to show them someone good CAN love them! :'(

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  • Because they aren't grown up yet.

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  • You don't always bc so many people think you're someone or a bunch of things you're not. Attractive people go through a lot more than most people think or realize. It can be just as hard to find a genuine relationship when you're attractive the cruelty of love and attraction knows no bounds either lol.

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  • I think because most people overlook these women and men, and consider them outside of their legend. So these smart and interesting individuals, with a low self esteem settle for relationships that are far from ideal. E. g. Abusive, neglected etc

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  • You can't judge a book by its cover... Some people have self esteem issues and literally don't know that they deserve better and could have it.

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  • We accept the love we think we deserve.

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  • some people seek that adrenaline or high they seem to get in the beginning of a relationship. They don't really look for someone they can have a happy foreseeable future with, but instead someone to get them that high, that sense of adventure, of a new love... Even if it ends in a massive train wreck

    Then their are others.. whom I tend to call "stable", that that high is not worth it if it does not follow with a foreseeable happy future.

    Unfortunately smart, interesting and attractive don't qualify one as stable.

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  • They usually don't know tgheh are attractive they just settle usually and think they can't g anything better

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  • You are judging your insides with other people's outsides. Most people are messed up in the inside – don't be fooled

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  • Early life experiences shape a lot of our romantic interactions.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I'm selective of who I date, I choose them based on their character and morals usually. What I've found is that many people tend to put on their best face or image to be chosen as "Pick of the litter" when they don't necessarily believe that they are. Many people I've also found attract what they think subconsciously, they don't have any control in the matter as attraction is not a choice.

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  • Because people like the bad boy/ bad girl thing but only if they are attractive. I'm a badass but a ugly badass so it doesn't work for me, in an attempt to look like a bad boy to intice the ladies sometimes I will go to a bar and put a condensating glass on the table without a coaster just so the ladies know I don't follow the rules. Never works though because I'm fugly.

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  • Because it's there choice

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  • Yeah I know some people are just so stupid.

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  • If you have very few options perhaps you should be more liberal with whom you take a risk with.

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  • I strive to help the insane and smelly.

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