A question for Black people please help?

Now I have a niece who is 16, I love to bits and anything she wants she I get it and I try to be a good uncle because her parents are idiots I'm sorry to say. Even though she is a millennial and is living decently she has her electronic equipment and should be happy but isn't, she spends all day in her room just talking to her friends. Now I'm pretty liberal in my thinking and she talks to me about her wanting a black boyfriend and I'm fine with that (I'm her friend and favourite uncle), her parents are not but they don't tell her not to or anything, they're still pretty understanding, though it's hard for them to accept mainly because it's a huge culture shock and they're worried that their child will ditch them in future.
Now lately she's been a little too honest which is good but she makes hurtful comments which I honestly believe to be truthfully spoken out of her mouth. Sometimes I don't think she realises that she is hurting us by saying these things but, she's said such things like:
How she wishes she was black. How she thinks dark-skinned Asians (Indians/Pakistanis/Bangladeshis) are ugly and that she would rather be black but she's happy because she is very light skinned. She often talks about black peoples rights and race issues, (even though as an Asian, I believe we face it a lot worse nowadays from bothe white and black people because of all the media coverage.) And I think the boys she sought after are the more trendy ones and I even said to her that I hope you're not gonna have a black boyfriend because it makes you look good in front of your friends, because that seems to be the theme with her, we've caught her lying so we buy her stuff for school. I don't know how to talk to her about self-hate. I hope this doesn't offend anyone but I'm sure you would understand if you had a child with a similar behaviour.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • tell your 16 year old neice to take a step back and analyze her self hatred. teach her about south Asian culture because she obviously sees it as something it's not, no one likes a person who doesn't have pride in their *actual* roots.

    deep roots aren't withered by the frost, you should remind her that.

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    • She seriously is a dim-wit at times, no patients for anything. I think I might need to take a step back and just let her do what she wants. She is starting to hurt people without realising so let her see what she has done and maybe then say sorry but for now she’s just too much to handle.

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    • yeah but never that selfish and hurtful.

    • but yeah I agree

What Girls Said 2

  • She's intertwined with the Black culture.
    Some people are like that...
    It's sad really.
    She has a identity issue.
    Reminds me of Rachel Dolzeal.

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  • I guess trying to explain to her that her being g black wouldn't make a difference might be a good start. It's hard tho, when you're dealing with someone that self hates. Liking another culture and such is fine, but to hate your own? That's not. And unfortunately, she probably won't hear a thing you try to tell her

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    • Yeah I feel that too, it really upsets me because I’ve come to a realisation that she really doesn’t care about anyone else other than herself so why am I putting in so much effort, and it mainly is because she’s my little friend from the time she was born but I guess she’s gone astray.

What Guys Said 3

  • It could be a fad thing for her. However being an uncle tom is not cool. Though seems like this could be coming from societal pressure as in the west looking like you may be Muslim is far worse than being black, Mexican, Asian etc. If I had to guess I would lean that way.
    Just continue to be the good uncle you have been. Educate her on your culture, and achievements of your people. And one day she will come around

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  • Black culture and people tend to be loud and in your face, she's too frail or stupid to be proud of who she is so she wants to compensate by participating in it.

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    • I' hope you're black and not some angry white guy (no offense) but yeah I agree... about he compensate part. It's horrible to think like this even though she is very young but I worry about the content of her character which I'm afraid to say seems very as you described perfectly: frail.

    • I might be either but in any case I don't think it matters if it's true and objective. Some people are just comfortable with who they are and do things for the right reasons, other people take some time and get there eventually (they grow up) and then there's some who just always seem lost; lets hope she's not one of them.

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  • As long as she is living under her parent's roof you can't do anything neither can she just tell her to wait move out to date black guys.

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    • I don't want to do anything but I'm just disappointed in the way she is behaving. I suppose I just have to let her do things her way and hopefully it doesn't change her. I believe it is her friends that have brainwashed her she has mainly black friends and they make comments in front of her saying that indian and Pakistani boys stink and so on. Where as no one has said anything about the black community from her side of the family so I don't know who's brainwashing her with phoney political correctness issues when in the uk it really isn't much of an issue amongst lower class people. I just think it's for someone to get in her pants.

    • Yeah that makes sense well you know the situation better than I do.

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