Do you think "be confident" is always a good thing?

I won't say all of us, but at least most of us have been rejected. But while most of use can balance their number of rejections and acceptations, others just cannot "avoid being avoided".

Even though I have no problem socializing, what I'm always afraid to reveal is to say to a girl which I like what I feel toward her; hence, I can't say I'm the most rejected man of history, but, as far as things are going right now, the percentage is 100% rejection for this guy. If I'm not wrong, I guess that would make 12 rejections in total. With 8 of those girls I'm still in contact as a friend, though, I guess that's something, right? Yeah...

So, what it is that can always assure you the rejection? Is it your game? Is it your style? Is it your appearance? Who knows! What you know is that you can't live in your comfort zone forever, but you're always afraid to get hurt, to LOSE self-esteem.

Oh, come on! What's the worst that can happen? She/he will say no and you will move to the next person! It's not like she/he's going to beat you for having asked! Most people are very polite while jecting someone, they know it sucks!

Yes, MOST PEOPLE.

Why again I wanted to share this stupid thought, anyway? Ah, right... this has happened to me this morning.

Do you think

Aaaaand after that she blocked me. How rude was to me for ask, uh? I am a nasty boy, am I not?

Now, of course rationally I'm just guessing this woman was just angry for something that has happened to her and she unleashed the Hulk (or at least, I hope this is the case), but still her words actually hurt me to death, and made me wonder if I actually did something wrong in the past or it is just that I'm not good looking enough. That could be, it's not the worst thing in the world. But taking such a bullet is not so easy, and it actually made me become a little self-conscious. That's why I said "I don't like to express my feelings." If I didn't I wouldn't have ever heard such horrible messages.

Updates:
UPDATE!
My personal experience is irrelevant, it is just an example for what I'm saying!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That fb conversation is way too harsh. I can't think of any decent human being to reject someone like that. You are a man and you have a right to ask girls out. I always keep incouraging guys around and now this shocker!! Keep doing what you doing we all have to deal with our fair shares of as... les.

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    • I think I shouldn't have put that conversation on. What I meant is that being confident can actually lower down self-esteem, in the very first second your confidence is not tolerated.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yep, what she said was mean and hurtful. What attracted you to her? I have plenty of experience in rejection. There's little choice to keep going, to learn from the experience (not to keep doing the same thing, amend it slightly). The other alternative is to give up on life, which we're not considering a viable option. :)

    A few things I will say. Don't date on the internet. It's bloody awful. People some times say nice things about my appearance, but I don't think I could score a date on those kind of sites. They just attract the worst kind of behaviour and the worst kind of insecurities, they're not focused towards quality at all. Personally I think I can do better than the average dating site woman who would likely reject me on those sites. But implied in internet dating is something else. And that's that you're not willing to strengthen and solidify yourself in the so called 'real world'. The only way to raise one's confidence (which as you correctly identify, is important in dating), is to do things of tangible meaning, that are bloody frightening as hell, but invaluable to one's self development. You do it to strengthen yourself, not to win yourself a woman, that would be the wrong motivation. One doesn't have to be confident in that situation, but brave. Put yourself in meaningfully scary situations, then you become extremely powerful and an all rounded individual if you're willing to face your weaknesses.

    Secondly, just something I notice from the way you talk to these women. You're extremely passive and servile to these women, waiting on their every whim. That implies a lack of self esteem. Now, I'm not saying contrive some kind of 'bad boy' personality, that just represents repression, but use that knowledge as a tool for self development.

    But yes, seriously, screw the net dating. It's not meaningful. And you just become a punching bag for all the worst elements out there. When you know you can make conversation with real life women (presuming you aren't), in natural situations, that's when you're making progress.

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    • Passive? Servile? No, absolutely not, I'm just not an ass. And I act like this with everyone, not only with women, because in my opinion, in 90% of the cases the fault comes from both sides.

What Girls Said 4

  • I just have to tell you, that girl is an absolute bitch and she will end up alone and miserable. No one, even in a horrible mood, should ever say that to anyone!! I'm very sorry she said that to you, she's an insult to female-kind! Please do not take what she said to heart, because it's her that has the issues and it's her that's ugly! Looks only get people so far, personality takes you the distance.

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    • To be fair I'm quite forgiving and apathetic (when it comes to other people hurting me, I'm only compassionate towards others), so at least I prefer she said those things to me rather than to someone who can actually be hurt by words.
      And, to answer, it maybe be true, but in my opinion both physical and intellectual attraction are needed, you can't try to use one instead of the other. I know even though people likes my conversation skills I still am not Prince Charm due of my appearance, but that doesn't mean I never get frustrated because of it. The part that hurt me more is that she's partially right, even though I take care of my body, I brush my hair everyday and I dress as if I were going to a gala for everyday stuff, I can't do anything for fixing my face asymmetry. Even though I rationally know it's not true, some days I honestly think I'm wasting time try to improve myself.

  • I'm sorry I have to be this frank, but honestly this is the dumbest question ever.
    Of course being confident is always good! It just doesn't always mean you will succeed by time to time.
    Yes, there are a little percentage of people who tried their best and still achieved nothing, and yes, you may be a part of it, but... so what? In the worst case scenario, you would have achieved the same thing by doing nothing at all, with one difference: at least, you know you just not good enough, because you tried. And is this a thing that lower down a little your self-esteem? Well, maybe, but I'm quite sure that most people disgust less someone who's proven to be not worthy to someone who's just a lazy ass.

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  • being confident is always a good thing for the confident person who is self assured enough to tell the truth BUT it's not good for her victims (you).

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    • I'm not 100% sure of what you mean by that.

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    • Well I dont think that girl was confident. Truly confident people never put other people down.

    • @CzechChick there are plenty of horrible but confident people, what she said was in her best interest but was careless of the people she was hurting.

  • Being confident is a good thing. Letting it go to your head isn't.

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    • Yeah, of course, but I meant that being confident may also bring you losing self-esteem, if your confidence is not appreciated.

    • Just because someone is confident doesn't mean everyone will find them attractive. Confidence is about accepting how you are & embracing your flaws. So yes, sometimes confident people will get rejected much like those who are insecure. All I know is that girl wasted a lot of her time explaining her rejection when she could've easily just said "you're not ny type." :D

    • Yeah, I wasn't making a case :) Of course, as I said, you can't live with your head in your shell, but, at the same time, I think that some investigations are needed.

What Guys Said 5

  • that conversation must be bullshit or it didn't happen on Tinder cause how the fuck did you both even match to begin with

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    • I didn't, she wrote her FB name on the profile.

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    • Yes, of course, but... the conversation, once again, was just an example of my actual purpose. What I meant to say is that "being confident" can actually LOWER DOWN your self-esteem, if things do not start to turn the right way at some point.

    • thats why they say stay positive man.

      you think people who are confident can't have their self-esteem lowered? of course they can, but they don't show it, by staying positive and moving on.

  • Yeah it is. Without being confident, you can't get a girl, find a job, and achieve your goals in life.

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  • Lol, no worries. She is probably a cashier in retail or a receptionist. She is getting some attention and it is going to her head, big deal. Find someone worth your time, she is a divorce waiting to happen.

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  • It's good to be confident.
    The chick's obviously a tool and you were saved by her stupidity.

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  • You have to be hot, and then be confident. Most people forget that part

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