Is it okay to have really high standards?

I've implicitly and explicitly turned down a lot of people who were into me because I just didn't find them attractive enough physically or didn't enjoy spending time with them enough. Is that morally acceptable or should I give more people a chance? I just don't see the point in dating people casually if I don't think they're exceptional because I probably would feel like I'm missing out later. Yet at the same time I'm kind of disappointed at being alone too. Is this shallow or wrong in any way? ( I don't even know why I'm making this... I guess I feel guilty sometimes about being like that )

  • It's fine or good
    50% (16)35% (7)44% (23)Vote
  • It's shallow but not wrong
    31% (10)25% (5)29% (15)Vote
  • It's wrong in some way
    9% (3)10% (2)10% (5)Vote
  • It's neither but you should lower them for some other reason (explain)
    10% (3)25% (5)15% (8)Vote
  • Other
    0% (0)5% (1)2% (1)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Also if you think it's wrong explain why
ALSO I actually place more importance on personality than looks, they don't have to be A++ looks but at least above average.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It would be easy to say relax it up a bit and accept more people in, but what if that person that met all your standards walked in the door, would your standards really be all that high and lofty then? Only you know what you want and if you are willing to wait for that person to come along then by all means. However, I think when people say lower their standards, I don't feel that's really accurate because you can't help how you feel about someone and you can't fake that feeling either unless you want to waste time and energy. So if you happen to say suddenly be attracted to someone who doesn't look like the last 5 people you dated, maybe that's your mind making room for more possibility because no one is forcing you to say yes to someone you don't want to right?

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    • Right... I don't consciously set the high, I just don't get the feeling for most people if you will. Consciously "lowering" them as you say would be kind of faking it. If I could just have myself do that at will and be real about it I guess life would be easier haha. Thanks for the insightful answer.

    • And by "set the high" I meant "set them high" if it wasn't apparent haha.

    • thanks for MH

Most Helpful Guy

  • You're fine. Nothing wrong with what you're doing. If you feel like it needs to change, you can always do that, but there's nothing immoral about preferences.

    Sounds like you're asking if you should settle. That's up to you, but you're 25. You've got time before settling should be on your radar. Idealists will get heart-shaped eyes and say, "You should never settle!" None of those people are 40 year old former party girls, I guarantee it.

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    • Thanks for the comment. So do you think the older one gets, it makes sense to lower their standards little by little? I'm probably going to live to 100 :P but it does seem like around 35-ish the number of single people drops quite a bit, and past 35 it's probably not easy to date people in their 20s either.

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    • Oh yeah, I see it all the time all over the place. Moreso in recent years. I went back and got my masters not too long ago and sure enough, there were more undergrad party girls who were going down that road than when I did my undergrad. Basically if you find a girl who majored in English or Psych, there's an extremely good chance she went to college either to find a meal ticket (i. e. - husband) and failed to do so, or to screw around. The ubiquitous "neurotic cat lady" is a stop on that road. If I say much more on the subject, people tend to think I hate women. I don't, but in the age of "hate facts" it's feels before reals.

      That kind of money is enough for all but the most spoiled of princesses, and you probably don't want to waste your time on them anyway. If you do end up making 6 figures though, definitely look into how easy it is for them to take it all away on a whim, sometimes even if you don't get married.

    • Thanks, most people don't seem to know what it is. One guy called me "satanist" because of it lol

What Girls Said 11

  • yes i think so

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  • You just haven't met the right person yet. When my boyfriend and I first met, we couldn't stop talking to each other, thinking about each other or stand being away from each other.

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  • Completely. Fine.
    You have every right to have high standards. I do. Everyone does in their own way. Don't ever apologize for it.

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  • You mirror your faults into people.

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    • What are you trying to say?

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    • Okay, but taken literally it doesn't answer the question and it's open to interpretation beyond that. Anyway have fun in non-communicaton land. ;)

    • Shitty excuses

  • There is a difference between having high standards and being unrealistic.
    Just be sure to stay in reality when limiting your standards.

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  • As long as you met the standards you set for your partner there is not a problem.

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  • I have high expectations. And my S. O tells me that I demand a lot in a man or what I look for.

    Anywho, I think its perfectly fine to have high expectations and wants.

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  • We all have it, me as well... but as long as you can meet up to those standards its fine but if not 😋

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  • It's not a moral issue. But you have to ask yourself if you'd rather lower ur standards or be alone.

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  • I think it's fine.

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  • It is your business.

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What Guys Said 7

  • No, it's good to have high standards, in fact that says a lot about yourself, it shows that you value yourself and you know what you want and won't settle for anything less that what you deserve.

    However having high standards means you will tend to be alone/single for a long time if not forever , that's because it will be difficult for you to find someone that appeals to you ( physically and personality).

    Hence you should be prepared to bear the consequences of your own thinking.

    Well, you will be shallow if you give importance to only physical looks and attractiveness of the other person as a factor to be in love/relationship.

    You are not going to be shallow if :

    1. You give less importance to looks but much more importance to personality factor. Say 6/10 on looks but 8/10 on personality.

    2. You won't be shallow if you give equal importance to both physical looks as well personality. Say 8/10 on looks and maybe 9/10 for personality. Hence in this case both are high and you are giving importance to both, in this way you are ensuring yourself that you will be attracted to that person and at the same time you will also be in love with that person as well.

    In a relationship both are important, both looks ( attractiveness) and personality.

    Hence if you are giving importance to both, then you will be seen as someone is very sensible/intelligent.

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    • Thanks. And yeah it's like 7/10 looks 9/10 personality. People with 9+ personalities but without the physical attraction feels like we should just be friends, not in a relationship, you know? Maybe if they're so perfect in personality I could reduce the looks factor a little, but not *too much*.

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    • It's really good to know that you value yourself and you know what you want. I can only appreciate your thinking.

      Keep it up!

    • Thank you for the comments too, it helps.

  • Ain't noting wrong with high standards. The idea is to spend your whole life with that one special person you find, so of course it is understandable that you want to make sure the person is perfect (for you). However, just know that everyone has their down sides as well, and ain't nobody perfect in this world.

    If you just feel like playing around and having relationship after another, just let the other person know that you are not in to deep relationship, and remember to lower your standards, because you know now that the person is not there forever.

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  • I can understand why people try to set the bar high with standards and expectations. I am kind of the same way myself, best trying aiming high than low! If it becomes a problem, one does not have to abandon high standards, maybe just drop a notch or two to be in the right or more practical place. By the way, I voted it is neither, but should be lowered.

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  • You haven't met the right person

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  • Times may change but standard must remain.

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  • You can think what you want just like others can think what they want.
    Just be prepared for whatever consequence it may bring you.

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  • i think its shallow.

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