Should people be single during university/college?

This might sound messed up to some but before you judge please try and understand what I am saying.

I have a very strong feeling my boyfriend and I will get married. I am certain he is the one. He is my bestfriend and soulmate. Weve talked about the future and we both know we want to be with eachother. When im with him everything makes sense, we make each other so happy.

I've had this thing circulating in my head for awhile, obviously when you're in a relationship you can't be with other people or its called cheating. I dont want to be a cheater. Im young, 20 years old to be exact. This future talk with my boyfriend is amazing, pretty much what every girl wants but i feel like i need to date other guys (not seriously, just have some fun during university) until i for real settle down. I am faithful to my boyfriend and i am always honest with him. I've brought up taking a break with him before and he said no because that means i want to sleep with other guys (its true). Am i wrong for wanting to experiment before i settle? Im not going to fall in love with anyone as my boyfriend is the only one who has my heart, i just want to have a little fun because i feel like society wants me too. I feel like ill regret it if i dont.

If this was to happen, i wouldn't expect my boyfriend to sit at home and wait for me. Id expect him to have fun aswell. However he is not the type to have one night stands. He doesn't get satisfaction from it. So more than likely, if this was to happen he would be sitting at home being depressed. My intention isn't to hurt him, i just want to do this for myself.

He is my life and i dont want to lose him but i feel so pressured to have that 'experience',


0|0
9|16

Most Helpful Guy

  • Do you know hie much are you hurting him when you talk about dating ither guys?

    You are very slutty and selfish . if you think that way... you should think before you talk

    I dont care if you fell pressured ir what not.
    But if you are telling him that you want to date and take a break till your heart satisfies then you are breaking his heart...

    This is not how a relationship works..
    You should break up with him... he deserves so much better and not a slut like you.

    Also kniw this thing that the type of girl who dates around too much or eeps around is the type if girl we guys dont marry cause such girls are sluts...

    Do if you want to be a slut then be one.. but dont expect your boyfriend to keep up with your pathetic perverted thoghts

    There are only two ways here..
    Either you breakup and be a slut or stop thinking about it
    Either ways he should dump you causs love is fake abd nit real... and he deserves a real women and not a waanaa be slut like you...

    Imaature immbacile

    0|0
    0|0
    • And by the way you are also a idiot if you think that you want to do it in because your whore mom anfmd granny thinks so or all your slutty frnds do it...

      You ha e to grow up and stop giving into societal pressures and what media thinks..

      Tbe reality is all your slutty frnds are gonba hard time getting a good partner cause ni good guy wiuld want a slut like you

    • and yes you are VERY VERY ERONG FOR EVEN THINKING LIKE THAT... you dont even love him...
      Other wise tou wouldn't want to sleep with other giys...
      But in reality you are just a selfish whore

Most Helpful Girl

  • I get it, and I don't blame you, because you're only human. When you're young, not that experienced, and thinking of serious commitment with one person for the rest of your life (you hope), it's an expected fear or doubt to have that you might be missing out. Even if you love him, this is your life and you wonder if you'll regret it when you're older and look back on this time.

    The truth is, you might, or you might not, but think about what you have right now. How much do you value that? Is it worth risking? It's very possible you'll find out that "having some fun" is really not all it's cracked up to be. You might be taking what you have for granted, and will regret taking the break and probably damaging a great relationship for a bit of fun that isn't really worth it. Having a boyfriend you're attracted to, who you love and trust, could be way better.

    It's up to you, but think about it long and hard. Does he really mean as much as you say he does to you? Are there cracks in your relationship that this doubt and insecurity is a cover for - and can those be addressed instead? Also, your boyfriend doesn't seem on board with this idea, so if you want to go through with it, you'll have to be prepared to lose him.

    Just think about these things and consider what's best for you, him, and the both of you. I don't really know you or what your relationship is like, so I won't advise you either way, I'll just tell you to look at every angle.

    1|0
    0|0
    • If i was to be completely honest i dont even know if id enjoy sleeping with other people. I mean if i got drunk at a party and fooled around itd be fun at the time but when i woke up in the morning id be thinking of my boyfriend. I just feel like its something i have to do because i see all my friends doing it and they always have these crazy stories. My mum always says to me not to waste my time as these are my prime years. When i tell her im spending time with my friends she says 'isnt it great to spend time away from boys'. I dont get it. Why does it seem like everyone is hinting to me that im missing something.

    • You are in a way, but if you're in a really great relationship, in my opinion that's way better than anything you could be missing out on. People date, hook up, and all of this mostly as part of the journey towards finding someone they can have a really good relationship with and be committed to. If you've really found your soulmate, you're already ahead of the game. You've found what they're all looking for. Leaving him to fool around... it's like going backwards.

      It comes down to how much you value this guy in your life, how great he is, and whether your desire to be with him, marry him, etc. trumps the few flings you might miss out if you stay with him.

What Guys Said 15

  • I never really judge, just do what you want to do or is willing to do. I can not control how you act, think or feel and vice-versa.

    Things and people will change over time. You cannot control and know absolutely certain about your future or your boyfriend's future. You can not control how he thinks or feels. You may feel you love him for a long time, and still feel that way, but you might change and he might change, eventually, since you can never really know for certain. Besides you're in your early 20s, it's more than common that nobody wants to settle for one person so quickly in a haste while they are still young, like yourself since you still have doubts and uncertainties, otherwise you would not come here and ask questions here at GAG.

    It almost sounds like you would want an open relationship or something. It's really on your boyfriend here, is he open-minded and secure enough to think, oh what the hell these days people tend to have flings and casual encounters? I suppose it's fairer that way, both of you get to experiment with other people, putting jealousy completely aside and being transparent about it and then if things really absolutely do not and can not work out between the two of you, then it's time to move on and go your separate ways.

    Just make sure you know the risks and all. Health risks increases if you sleep with other people that may have slept with lots of other people, etc.

    Besides, although you could end up married today and then 25 years or more later things might end up not working out and by then the both of you have changed how you feel about each other or possibly have major problems or factors that may end up affecting the outcome of your relationship then such as struggling to pay bills or rent because either one of you may end up losing a job from a company downsizing, etc., and is still trying to recover from unemployment.

    0|0
    0|0
  • The only way open relationships or breaks work is if BOTH people want to "have fun" and "experiment with other people". If its only one person who has those desires then it most likely won't work.

    So if your boyfriend isn't as enthusiastic about the idea of trying out other people as you are the your options are:

    -Break up with your current boyfriend, sleep with other people, then find a new boyfriend once you're bored of experimenting.

    -Decide to just stay with your current boyfriend and give up on the idea of experimenting with other people.

    -Do what other girls do and cheat on your boyfriend and hope he never finds out.

    Also worth noting is if you end up experimenting with other people and then getting back with your boyfriend you might not enjoy being with him as much as you used to. A lot of girl have their most mind-blowing sexual experiences with guys who don't care about them and then settle with OK sex in marriage.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I won't judge... rather, I'll give you the hard truth.
    If you want to experiment, mess around, have fun, what have you, then end your relationship. You have a right to. Will your boyfriend be hurt? Sure, he probably will. But, if you're going to end up resenting him, why stay with him?

    Here is what you think is going to happen:
    You'll end things with your current boyfriend who you seem to adore and love. You'll have fun. You'll probably party a bit (or a lot). You'll meet new guys, have little flings here and there, and maybe end up truly liking one of them. Then, you'll either realize that your boyfriend wasn't right for you, and you'll date someone else. Or, you'll go back to your boyfriend who, this whole time, has been waiting for you.

    Here is what will really happen:
    You'll have your fun. You'll meet new guys, make new friends, and have some flings. Meanwhile, your now-ex will be slowly easing his way into a relationship with someone who actually wants a meaningful relationship, and is willing to commit. You'll either fall for a new guy who you'll start to date. Or, you'll realize that you made a terrible mistake and ended something that wasn't worth ending.

    At the end of the day, the choice is yours. If you truly do want that excitement; to have fun and sleep with other guys, and you're willing to lose a potentially great relationship, then go for it.
    Life's all about choices. You'll make great ones, but you'll also make incredibly stupid ones. Live and learn.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I should also add:
      One of the things that helped me through college was having a steady relationship. I knew that I could bust my butt throughout the week, and enjoy my weekends with my girlfriend (at the time). It was nice knowing that I had someone to share stories with, talk to, and someone whose company I could enjoy.
      If you're willing to give that up so that you can experiment, than do so.

  • How into him are you really if you want to bang around?

    And you want to bang around because society wants you to? Is society in your relationship, or is it you and him? Who, specifically in society, wants you to play the field? And do those people have your best interests at heart, or are they trying to make you part of some agenda?

    Tell the people putting that pressure on you to piss right off if you've got a good thing going and want to keep it. It's your life, not "society's."

    If what you want is to sleep around, then end it with the boyfriend. Cleanly, don't string him along with any talk of "it's just a break" because that isn't fair when everybody knows it's just a technicality of a label change that means "I'm going to have sex with other people for a while and then come back to you, but you're totally the one I care about here."

    There's also the chance that you're not a monogamous person. Which is fine, that happens. If that's the case, you should let him know ASAP, though.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I get the feeling my grandma and mum want me to play the field... specifically. For years (when i was single) my grandma always said to me 'when are you going to find a boy' and it used to make me feel inferior and I've got one and now she says to me 'you know.. not all relationships last forever, there will be many more boys to come' and i have my mum telling me not to waste my prime years.

      it just makes me frustrated. I feel like no matter what i do, i can never make them happy.

    • Have they met him and they don't like him?

      If yes, are you willing to let him go because your mum and grandma don't like him, or are you willing to tell them that this is important to you and to butt out?

      If no, I'd ask them why they're saying that when they were pressuring you to find a boy before. Maybe now that the thought of you being married and leaving is in their minds, they are getting cold feet about you finding a boy. Which is their problem, not yours. And anyway, there's no rule that says you have to get married within X number of years of being together.

  • You're not being honest. If you want to "play" with others then you're not in love with him at all. Do the right thing and break up

    1|0
    0|0
  • This is plain as glass. He isn't your soul mate if you think like that. Let me explain something, one night stands are like a 5$ fake china gucci watch which you forget about in a few months. Its pointless really however... you are considered quite a weak person if you let both societies expectations and you grannies and moms dictate who you are in life. I broke it off with my ex because she was like that. Think its time for you to grow up.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Basically you ant to come back to him but you;re not ready to settle? I get what you mean; ideally you want to find the right guy at the end of all your experimentation, but that won;t always happen.
    If you really think he's the one for you, and you expect to marry him, you can't risk losing him.
    If you really love him, but don;t know 100% if he's who you want as a future husband, then maybe break it off. Just say you're not ready for a long term commitment.

    0|0
    0|0
  • this should entirely be up to the individual. some donĀ“t need to fuck around, some appreciate doing that for some time before setteling.

    0|0
    0|0
  • yes i think it' the smart thing to do. when you're in a relationship you're not in 100% control of your mind and feelings.

    relying on someone else for your own performance is unneeded stress, among everything else.

    0|0
    0|0
  • if you feel comfortable sleeping with other people while realizing that you love your boyfriend then its too late to think that. because i dont think you love him as he loves you. and forget the society, society is stupid

    0|0
    0|0
  • I agree. You should always keep your mind open to new possibilities.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Is this just a vague desire for variety, or are you the girl whose wonderful boyfriend will only have sex in certain positions and won't lick her pussy?

    There's a big difference between 'sorta interested in variety' and 'kinda suspect my boyfriend is shit in bed'

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's certain he's not the one if you want to sleep with other guys. You have the desire to cheat you're just looking for a way around it.

    I doubt he'll take you back when you're ready to settle down.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This isn't about whether people should be single in college or not. You basically want to have both sides of the coin. Unless your boyfriend thinks the same way as you, which it sounds like he doesn't, then it's not gonna work. If you want to have fun then have fun. But talk to your boyfriend again and see what he says. If he agrees with you having fun with other guys then don't expect him to sit around waiting for you until you're done hooking up, regardless of whether he has your heart or not.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't understand why you wanna eperiment with other guys. You are happy with him, why loose him?

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 8

  • I don't believe people need to have that 'experience.' However, I've also never cared one bit about 'society's expectations.' I've been in a relationship my entire time at University and I'm completely happy. I don't feel like I've missed out or will regret not partying and sleeping around. That's just my personality though. I prefer being in a stable, committed relationship.

    If you would prefer to be single and do what you want with whoever you want, then you should consider ending your relationship. If you break up though, it's highly unlikely you will get him back after you've had your fun.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know I am not your mom or whatever. You do what you want. haha I like to just look at guys from afar. haha!

    0|0
    0|0
  • I was single for 3 years during college.

    It's really not that amazing or great.

    If your heart was truly at your boyfriend, you wouldn't want to date around or be with other guys.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's up to you, but keep in mind that you could lose your boyfriend or you could end up leaving him if you find someone else. I'd ask yourself if it's really love or if maybe it's just lust or infatuation. There's nothing wrong with exploring other options. However just be warned that it'll affect your relationship

    0|0
    0|0
  • It doesn't sound like you love him. If you did, these thoughts would not be going through your mind. I actually used to have fear of commitment and think the same, but if you are really in love with your guy these thoughts will go away.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I hear you.
    At the end of the day, you have to do what makes you happy. If you don't, you will later cheat on him. Do it now. You need that experience and you're not wrong for feeling that way.

    I agree with you 100%.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Who knows, you may find a better guy along the way.

      But the fact is, you have a feeling that is
      unsettling in your heart, and until you do something about it, you'll keep feeling that way.

  • If you have an awesome boyfriend.. and you are happy with him... why you need this so called experience? .. i brokeup with my boyfriend.. like 1 yr ago.. and still single.. cus i really liked him... and still not found the correct person i love... if you really love a person.. i dont think you vl be worried about this "experience"

    0|0
    0|0
  • You won't regret it, fooling around is stupid. Why throw away your great relationship just because you want to be selfish for a while? College is for classes, not hooking up.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...