Am I overreacting/ being controlling for being mad at my boyfriend about this?

My boyfriend and I met on tinder. We've been dating exclusively for three months now. He was the one who brought up being exclusive after a month and told me he really liked me. He asked for my phone password and gave me his. The other day I found text msgs from the girl he was dating from tinder before me. I found out in the first month we dated he went and helped her move by himself and stayed at his place because it was in another city. I did not about this until now. I saw msgs asking for his help months before we were together so he had already made the commitment to help he way back. The thing is when I confronted him he said nothing had happened and the reason things ended between them is there was no potential to become serious (she was not serious material). He said they remained friends and still talk to this day. She lives in anothe city but I saw a few recent message of his asking her to meet for lunch one day and him going to visit her while he would be in the city. He swears he had no interest in her romantically but just felt they got along so still value he friendship. This bothers me that he still wants to see her and talk to her. Am I over reacting?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't say over reacting. It's definitely worth a worry. However, if he says he has no interest and you two have been exclusive for 3 months now, he has no interest. If he wanted her he would have her by now. You should trust him but still make sure he knows that he doesn't need anyone else. If you care about him let him make his own decision. Reinforce you're all he needs instead of trying to control who he thinks he needs. If you can trust him and prove you're what he needs and more he will be stuck to you like glue.


    Good luck!

    • Yeah well his reasons for not wing with her is that apparently she is a bit of a hippie and doesn't really believe in monogamy. I'm worried he really likes her and keeps her around in case she changes her mind and make him want her. He says the break off was mutual and their better off as friends. Can me never really just want to be friends though?

    • Did you just ask if men ever really want to be friends? Do you realize how stereotypical that is and how sexist that is? Yes. Men can be friends with women and women can be friends with men. Being friends after a relationship or interest is... Challenging but it is doable. Don't doubt him because of stupid stereotypes. Is it possible for you to be friends with a man? Of course. Same thing.

    • I didint mean it to be stereotypical I only meant because they had slept together in the past

Most Helpful Girl

  • I am having flashbacks reading this. My ex continued to talk to his ex even after I told him how much it bothered me. You won't win this battle. He is holding onto his ex for a reason--and that reason could be a number of things. Maybe he still has feelings for her, maybe she is his safety net incase you and him don't work out. Your relationship is still brand new. Three months is not a long time. Don't stress over this. You'll drive yourself crazy if you do. Don't get angry or upset, just sit back and observe.


What Guys Said 1

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What Girls Said 1

  • ask to meet her or talk to her in a nice way tell him that if you can just say hi that it will put your mind at rest if she is just a friend this should be no problem for him and he should be more than willing to let you. if not he may be trying to hide something from you.

    • i agree. and you are not overreacting, something could really be going on. but then again, they might really just be friends. so dont jump to any conclusions just yet. meet her first.

    • The thing is she lives in another city so it could be months before I meet her.

    • so ask to chat with her on the phone