I have a boyfriend of a different Religion I'm finding it hard to break up with?

I am agnostic but belong to a rather strict Christian family. He is Muslim and follows Islam quite closely. He is the first proper relationship I've had and I'm the first relationship he has had. I love him a lot and don't question that he loves me too. But frankly I can't take religious people seriously, except I've learned to deal with them and accept the religious because of my family background. We both are secrets to each others families and I'm getting sick of that. I want someone I can take home, and he will never be anyone I could take home and introduce to my family just because he's Muslim. And he can't introduce me because I'm not Muslim. He says that if I convert he'll introduce me but I am 1000% sure I don't want to. I know I need to break up but I am finding it so hard to do because I think its stupid that some barrier created by humans is all that's keeping us apart. But to him it isn't a human barrier its something divine so there's no winning.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The human heart makes a tangled weave... people are attracted in the sub conscious. So something about this guy is familiar to the child wounds in your heart. for example, if your father was controlling and domineering (my guess since you say they are strict), this muslim guy may appear the same and so he is comfortable and familiar.

    I agree you need to abondon this... I only know of a few examples of people marrying like this and it was bad. Not to say all are, just imagine the disagreements and power struggles unless yo are really submissive which it sounds like you are not!

    Challenge is, who are you gonna take home to strict Christians they are gonna accept? Be ready for the backlash. You rebelled or didn't accept their faith for some reason. There are more flaws with church than I can count (because it is filled with people), but I still believe and attend. Was that a logical decision or an emotional one.. I'd bet emotional. The more controlling and imposing the family I find the worse the rebellion as the children see through the flawed people and live out their own human ness.

    Try visualization: Imagine yourself trapped in your home covered head to toe in black, with no engagment with anyone other than your husband... and he turns into a controlling ass... possibly like your father (my guess). How does that make you feel? Imagine him taking your kids back to xyzastan and leaving you behind (seen that before) or his insistence he wants to have a slave wife or something. .. you asked how to break the bonds. the other way is counseling...

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    • Thanks for your interesting answer. Very thought provoking. He is definitely comfortable & familiar. My parents are from very different cultures although from the same religions. My mums side of the extended family on my mums side is fiercely religious. My mum is much more dominant in our family. She is the one who still says I'm going to hell and taking her with me kind of thing. My dad is totally different he has an approach similar to yours regarding church and is happy with whatever I choose. He raised me to be independent rather than religious.

      Visualization works very differently. His family isn't that conservative. His sister's pictures on social media show them quite conservatively dressed but they are by no means dressed in black head to toe. My mother and his family have Indian origins and accepted dress code for women is similar. I get a pass for any type of clothing as my Dad's family has European roots. We are from the same South Asian country.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you believe its a barrier created by humans, Then you of all people can certainly test that barrier. you're human after all. Try stepping into his shoes. Im the same way except i dont care what my parents think. I've only ever been exposed to christianity. One day if it ever comes up i think id give it an honest approach. Try stepping into his shoes, view things through his religion. You can't discredit all religion based on disagreeing with the only one im assuming youve ever been exposed to. Buy some books, (ask em about it) im not saying i know but Until you open mindedly study and explore his religion then its your own fault that ur not together. Give it an honest approach. See what happens. You never know.

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    • I know enough about Islam not to want to be a part of it. I went through a period where I was exploring all Religions and explored Islam a lot as it is very close to Christianity in some aspects and therefore easier to understand. Even he has been surprised that I know so much about it. So I've done my part there.

    • love him from afar.

    • You dont have to talk to him, or see him, to know you love him

What Guys Said 18

  • hmm, i feel you here kinda.. you've gotta look at it like this though.. religion is simply a path for people to follow.. without it the religious people would probably become corrupt and change very much... your families would definetly not get on probaly because of the whole crusades thing... but anyways... have you tried talking to your parents about their views on islam without making it obvious that your boyfriend is muslim... i mean... something like this... "hey, whats up with the whole hatred upon other religion thing?"... im not very good at examples but im sure you'll handle it alright... it's a pretty sad situation.. i don't think breaking up would be a good idea ya know... hmmm... i have nothing else to say really... hopefully someone else will give you a better answer :)... i hope you cope okay.. and good luck :)... byee..

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  • End this unholy relationship as quickly as possible. Absolutely no good will come from it and only misery will follow you the longer you are in it. There are 3.5 billion other males; this guy is nothing special. Find a new one with which you will have oceans of less baggage.

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  • TBH, the way he want you to approach his family is not right way. In Islam, we have to know each other enough before marriage. But convert before meet family? it is not right way.. i dunno how people act there but I pretty sure it is not correct way. If I in his shoe, I will bring you to meet my family first. And if my family like you, then I will ask you if you willing to be my side forever and if you accept, ofcuz you going be my wife and you convert to Islam as you said you willing to be my side..

    Conclusion, you need to discuss with him more if you really love him.. but if you afraid Islam that is thing you need to do some work..

    I'M VERY SORRY if you hard to understand my opinion cause i'm not really fan English talk and very weak grammar. GOOD LUCK @kiara20000 !!!

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  • Unless you see yourself being a Muslim in a Muslim marriage (and I hope you don't), then there's no future here. His culture and faith consider you an infidel and you would have to convert for you two to go on together.

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  • Okay, the first thing is you need to deal, communicate, or know what you and your boyfriend want or agree to about religion, then once that is figured out, then you can move on and worry about family issues. If you don't want to convert you shouldn't have to convert. Is he okay knowing that? If he is okay with that then proceed. If he is not okay knowing you won't or don't want to convert, then you should consider letting go of him. Now the family part is trickier. Do you think each other's families would be okay with that or not? If they are okay with that, you don't have to worry about what your family thinks. (They may or may not see it as important.) If family is bothered by this, then you have the last question, which is whether it is worth leaving family for your romantic love? I wouldn't be too concerned about the human/divine barrier. Hope that helps!

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  • You will just have to break up. You cannot form a good partnership. You don't respect his religious beliefs, and he doesn't understand your inability to believe. Next time, save the heartache. Don't get romantically involved with someone if you can't respect their beliefs. As a secular woman, you can have your pick. There are a lot more secular men than woman.

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  • just say the words darling... or you can "ghost"...

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  • Well good luck being a Muslim then.

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  • If you can't convince him to stop being religious, then there's not much you can do.

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  • I would be very careful. You are supposed to convert but he won't?

    plus.google.com/.../3PhMzPuNQTZ

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  • Indeed. That's why I won't date Muslims. Their religious ideology is the most pernicious in the world right now. Muslims cannot keep their religion out of secular affairs.

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  • I legitimately don't understand white girls that get with Muslims. You actively trying to shack up with a religion that hates you for being a woman.

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  • it is your first relationship that is why you find it hard to break up... but once you'll break up with him it'll be easier for you to move on quickly

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  • Another perfectly good relationship destroyed by Islam... And it keeps going

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  • If I were you, I would had dumped his all holy ass a long time ago.

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  • Hmmm it looks like there is no way out of your problem except for a breakup

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  • Breakup is the only way now...

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  • Tell him your not converting and you need to say goodbye. It's obvious why. Sorry.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Just break it up!

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