My girlfriend is pregnant and we both don't know how to react?

I'm 25 and my girlfriend is about to turn 25. We have been dating for about 3 1/2 year and we really love each other. When we have sex we always use protection but the last time we didn't cause it was kinda spur of the moment. She just found out she is pregnant and we aren't sure how to react. We are happy but we don't know what to do. We've met each others parents but our families aren't that close. A month ago we agreed we both would like to get married in about 2 or 3 years then have kid a little later. Can you guys help please

Updates:
We will most likely keep the baby, we just need help telling our parents and stuff like that.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Know that keeping the baby will change your relationship, sometimes for the better sometimes worse. She's going to need you to show her just as much love and support as ever. I can understand if you're both scared but if you're determined to keep the baby you need to make sure you both can afford to look after him/her. If that isn't an issue, next you need to make sure you're both emotionally ready. Is your relationship strong enough to bring up a child together? If you know the answer to all of that and feel like you could both cope, then tell your parents. I'd suggest you tell them together. Either her parents first then yours, or both at the same time. They'll be more comfortable about you both having a baby if you can convince them that this is what you both want, and that you're both willing to do whatever it takes to look after each other and the child.
    She's always going to be a part of your life and you in hers. It will also be much more difficult to go into another relationship if you have a child with another woman. If you're certain she's the one you want to be the mother of your children and you can't imagine your life without her, then this is the right choice.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, you guys made a plan and now the plan just went out the window. Assuming your option B is an abortion, I will recommend exploring your option A before going for option B.

    Don't worry. This is time to act like a man and propose to her. One of the greatest fear of a woman is abandonment. This fear is greatly increased during uncertainty periods, ESP pregnancy. Proposal or marriage are essentially binding promises you will be with her no matter what and she will not face the uncertainty alone. You don't need anything fancy, just your genuine commitment to be with her no matter bad it gets.

    The second thing you want to do is to do a financial check up and planning ahead for the both of you. Families break 70% of the time because of money. Talk to a planner, talk to your families, your friends and draft out a plan. A child can be rough on a young couple but it's manageable as long as you are frugal.

    You will feel you need to pick up the pace and work double hard for your family now. Do it. Just talk to your future wife before you start working double shifts. There are 2 of you now, better get used to the idea that you are not alone.

    25 isn't that young so you both can work this out. Unless you guys are in law school or trying to get inot a higher degree education. Most people can work out their lives at 25. Remember to leverage the baby you have with your parents. My brother pretty much send the kids to their grandparents while both he and his wife work. The grandparents sort of liked it because they are old school and love the kids.

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What Girls Said 56

  • This isn't something anyone else can decide for you. Put in your big boy panties and think it over.

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  • Either abort, have a shotgun wedding, or prepare to have a child out of wedlock.

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    • did he say she's pregnant but they would like to have a baby 2 or 3 years later?

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    • @Tdieseler lol I just chocked on my soda from that comment. You are hilarious.

    • @Queen_naki5 thank you thank you... :)

  • I think if you both present it to your parents as though you are excited about the new baby, they can be excited for you and offer that support.

    It's not like it was a one night stand or anything... and things don't always go as planned.

    I'm sure you're in a bit of shock; and there will definitely be some things you need to adjust in your life, but that doesn't mean you have to have new goals or dreams; the path to getting there will just be a little different.

    Once it really sinks in, just be excited! There is no reason to get stressed out about a baby. People have been having babies since the beginning of time, in a variety of cultures and in a variety of financial situations. Not many of them have regretted having their child; and let's be honest: no one is EVER prepared for a baby.

    If you guys seem excited about it, then your friends and family will be too. Just tell they you are happy to announce you're having a baby and look forward to all the memories you'll all create together.

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  • Being no one in the family is putting bread on your table or your SO's, sit down and Decide how to Break the News of the Newest Baby Bond... And stuff like that.
    I believe that with Both of you being as mature as you are, In love and all that, this will not be so hard after All, and it probably will not have this sour Ball... In telling our parents.
    I believe as shocked as they may feel, they also will be very Happy and Begin a New Beguine of Helping plan the nursery.
    Good luck and Blessings and the Next time, use Protection when Not Ready for another Betty or Eddy. xxoo

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  • Sometimes (most of the time) life doesn't turn out the way you want. This is happenig to you and your girl. But dont fret... your the lucky ones because you have already planned to get married down the road and have a family before the baby came so it was never out of force/ obligation to be with her in the first place and most importantly you love eachother and have been together for a good amount of time. Its ok if your parents arnt close to eachother, that doesn't usually happen anyways unless they hang out eveyday.. my grandparents on both sides hardly talk and... same with my friends grandparents. Now that you might have a baby they probably will get closer anyways, lol usually babies do that. As long as they get along for holidays and visits its okay. Its more about you and her anyways. Think on the brights side and how you will both have a special little baby to love and take care of.. its what you wanted but it happend sooner than you thought. Now you can make a little family together and also as a side note you should comfort her and love on her 100x and let her know how awesome your lives will be... diffrent but awesome. If i was her all id be worried about if my boyfriend was happy and wants to be commited to me and not leave.

    I hope it works out for you both!!!

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  • A lot of times things happen not according to plan that you don't expect, just support her and stay with her if you really love her and want to be with her. if not, be there for your child at least. i wouldn't rush into any marriage just because you are having a baby because you'll end up resenting it more than likely. i think it is always smarter to wait until you are totally ready to be married to someone. my boyfriend and i have always talked about how if i got pregnant we would wait until the first trimester has passed to tell anyone. but then again both of your parents may be really excited and what to be involved in the process. but don't try to hide it. i would imagine yall's parents would be happy for you though especially considering the fact that you guys are the age you are and not immature young teenagers. just take each day as it comes, do what is best for the both of you guys and enjoy the fact that you guys have made something that is proof of your love for eachother. good luck!

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  • I think it will probably go better than you expect. Unless the two of you are useless assholes who can't take care of yourselves let alone a baby (which I assume is not the case if you would have had kids together in a few years anyways), then the baby is going to be the thing that brings your families together and will be an overwhelmingly welcomed addition.

    I hope that there are some people on here who have had to deal with surprise pregnancies that turned out well who can guide and reassure you.

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  • If possible she get both of your parents in the same room together and let them all know. Even though they are not close maybe it'll help bond them together. They will be connected as grandparents forever, so that would be a perfect to helpful get them to know each other better and takes pressure off of both of you having to tell parents individually. You both are 25, so I'm sure, hope they would be happy for news.

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  • Just be happy having a kid is one of the best things in this world. You will see for yourself even if at first things may be a little hard. I think you should make a dinner at your house invite your parents and your girlfriends parents and after dinner announce the great news. :-)

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  • If you have trouble telling your parents, no reason they have to know the complete truth. Just tell them you're having a baby. And most likely they just say congratulations, possibly they'll ask if it was planned. And then you can either lie or not, it's up to you

    You've been together for a while. You're both old enough to have a kid, I assume you both have stable jobs? There's not much to do really, just deal with it

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  • Um... Well whatever you do is really up to you, not anyone else. So many of these peoples answer are bullshit and rude. Like so many people are saying "Just abort it or it will fuck up your relationship" and the other half are saying "How could you even consider aborting you monsters" It's like they didn't even read your question or take into account what their views could mean on either you or your family. I am pro abortion, because I don't think anyone should be forced into having a child in this day and age because forcing something like that WILL result in unhappiness for everyone involved but I don't think you have that issue there. If you've been dating for three and a half years and love each other I highly doubt that your family will have a problem. When you do tell family act as if it's something that you're excited and ready for, I'm sure you will be anyway. What are they going to do? Judge you? I think that would be pretty stupid because guess where you came from? They really can't judge you on that XD

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  • It's good that you're both communicative and are meeting this challenge together. Do you see a clear path ahead of you if you go with the pregnancy? What if it was terminated? Look for possible resentments from both of you as that will color your future more than the additional responsibility of parenthood.

    I will say this: it's an emotional time for her and a new experience. First time mothers often bond to the pregnancy pretty fast. But terminations are normal and not the cosmic end of the universe. Even nature terminates a statistically high number of pregnancies before the woman even knows. If she can allow her head to control her choices, she might be able to make an economic and strategic decision that contradicts her biological drivers. But those instincts are incredibly strong. Best of luck you guys.

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  • Well my guy and i have been dating for 4 years and we are getting married this June and 17 months ago i found out that i was expecting in the November of last year we were both very happy and excited when we told our parents they were just excited as us but it hasn't put us off getting married this June its just made us love one another even more so and has brought us very close indeed and when i gave barth to Amanda last November we are still madly deeply and besoted with each other and both of us cannot wait to tie the knot with each other and be a family with a place of our own

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  • You'll just have to come straight out and be honest with your parents. That's all. Like ripping off a bandaid.

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  • Mother's Day is coming up... maybe get a few sonogram pictures and put them in a cute frame that says "I Love Grandma" or something like that, and give it to both of your mom's on Mother's Day?

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  • Do you have the financial needs to support the kid? That's the only important part honestly.

    About telling both families, best to take both to some kind of restaurant or public place. That way if they end up having a bad reaction, they won't be able to do much about it. Since I doubt they would want to cause a scene with random people watching.

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    • We are both in an ok financial situation. We recently bought are first house.

    • A small one, but a house nonetheless 🙂

    • Then yeah make sure you have your family is a public place were if they raise their voice at all. A lot of strangers will be able to hear them, and make sure they eat food that puts them into heaven too.

  • 3 months ago I moved to a new city to start my career. I came here with just a job, no friends, no boyfriend etc. Against all odds I met my current boyfriend and feel in love. He's kind of religious, slightly older and certainly more established career wise, basically he has money and a good career. And I am still scared about getting pregnant. If I put myself in your girlfriend shoes (and I know you've been together for longer), I would want him to tell me its going to be okay. I wouldn't want him to push me towards marriage, but I want him to assure me he'd do everything he could to raise the child. Some girls, and guys wouldn't have a kid out of wedlock (which if that's your case look at it differently). I would want him to understand that I refuse to get an abortion. Even though I am 28 and he's in his 30's, I am from another country, I would still tell my parents right away. Its a big deal, and I would want him with me when I did. I would want him to live with me, and I would want to work really hard at our relationship, and assuming things are okay I would want to get married in several months or even a few years.

    That's what I would want, your girlfriend may be different. But a baby will change both of your lives, it doesn't have to ruin it. You need to have a detailed talk with her. Good luck though, and I wish you the best.

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  • Ok well you are both adults, you've been in each others lives for awhile and you have had sex with eachother multiple times. You also said you love eachother. It is your choice and hers in the end, but in my opinion if I was in the position she is I would get our families together for a dinner and tell everyone about it after you decide together the plan of how you are going to raise the child. Like if you will get married right away or wait till after the baby is born? Where you will live to raise the child? Other things like that that your parents may ask you. Although it is your choice. You could decide to end the pregnancy, you could decide on adoption, you could tell your parents or keep it secret. But you have to make the choice together and do it sooner rather than later. Hope this helps

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  • You should talk to her about what her views on abortion and adoption are as well as yours (If you do not choose to keep the baby)
    It would be ideal to get her to have a check up with her doctor to see how things are going.
    If you do choose to keep the baby deciding to get married is up to the two of you. Marriage isn't required for a couple with a child.
    As for telling your families it is probably best to hear from her doctor first and deciding if you plan to keep the baby before you tell them.
    I hope this helps, good luck to you both :)

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  • I suggest you tell your parents with both of you present, but tell them separately. Like she needs to be with you when you tell your parents and you need to be with her when she tells her parents. And do it in person. I mean, you're both adults, it's not like you're 15.

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  • Honestly, unless you beleive in abortion, if you see yourself with her in the long run and want to have children, I think you two can work this out and have the baby. It's not my choice and I know it's hard financially, but you two can do it. Make sure to try to sit your parents down and talk with them. They'll come around and maybe be a great support system. 25 is a decent age for first child.

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  • Wel, please dont abort the baby... and you guys are in. Loving relationship right? I always say to my freinds there is nobody better to raise your child than you because you have them and will always have that instinct.. (unless you are mentally unfit, severely addicted) just think kf th live you can share. yes its a lot of money nad hard butits also worth it later on

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  • what is is that you both want if you choose to have an abortion your parents don't need to know but is can be a really emotional crisis for a woman so be there for her. if you decide to tell the parents be together and support one another they may have some good advice to give you

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  • Start by telling the parents that are "easier" first.

    Both you and your girlfriend should be present.

    Tell them your goals and things you plan to do once the baby is here.

    Basically, have an answer to all their questions so they at least think you guys thought things through.

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  • I think you two should maybe keep the baby and discuss with each other and parents to know. It's perfectly normal, you are not too young or too old. Maybe you should to your girlfriend's parents and your parents to get a little bit closer to each other, otherwise, you are also getting married in 2-3 years later.

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  • Stuff happens, you don't need get married but a commitment to each other could be good, I mean your adults not teens so the age thing is fine. Just tell them, I mean of course coming up with some kind of plan would be good and if you need financial support parents can always help out. Plus most kids aren't planned and the parents aren't too happy with the reveal of pregnancy uit that is life, But good luck, and I hope all of this works out

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  • Be happy :)
    I've had lots of miscarriages. They taught me that life is very precious. Savor every moment with your little one.

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  • keep the child and tell both your parents about it

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  • its time to let both of your parents know. you two are old enough. plus, you two can always wait for marriage, while having a kid together.

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  • Considering your current age, I think it is okay to start building your own family with your girlfriend. You two are no longer high school teenager who should've been panicked in this kind of situation. Besides, at this age, you should have done something for a living. So I think it won't be a big deal to open up to each other's parents and probably marry each other in the near future. Good luck :)

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What Guys Said 45

  • First off Congrats! I know it is unexpected but fatherdom is awesome! You are 25 and not 16 so, their reaction should not be to harsh. You are young adults. I am sure when you tell them it will be a bit of shocker, but I am sure that will give way to some positive thoughts/comments on their behalf too!

    If it were me I would have a plan going in to the situation. One thing I would do is go through what I had planned for my life and see if I could still accomplish what I set out to do. I would suggest she attempts to do the same thing. What I am saying is... keep goal oriented!

    The other thing is, be excited, if you love her then be happy! You are going to have a child that will look up to you and love you from the start, so start thinking like a dad and enjoy it!

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  • Congrats! What a great post to everyone else out here who thinks they can just do whatever with no consequence. In this case, you knew each other well and nature had a different timeline than yours.

    I like the funny approach, I've seen this, not sure how it goes though..
    "Mom and dad, I'm gay! But it really isn't a big problem because the stage 4 tumor won't let me live more than another 6 months, so no worries.
    Ok , none of that is true, but I wanted to lessen the impact of what I'm about to say. My girlfriend and I were planning to get married and have kids. Were now on the 9 month plan..."

    or something like that. customize it for your own. Depends on how your relationship is with your parents. Its time to grow up... you have a ton to learn dude...

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    • That's funny 🙂 Thanks

  • well the options are birth and parent, birth and place for adoption, or abortion.

    i think the best way to decide what to do is talk with your girlfriend about what you think you are capable of at the moment. also discuss with your family if you have that type of relationship.

    ultimately the decision should come down to what's best for your potential child

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  • Well, you need to change your timeline and get ready for a baby. I would recommend telling both of your families and planning a simple wedding in the near future.

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  • Yes, get married. You might as well do it ASAP via a Justice of the Peace so you can save money that you will need to raise Baby. Don't be ashamed - this has been going on for countless generations. Lord knows I wouldn't be here if Grandma and Grandpa didn't have a good time in 1930 before they got married.

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  • I'd recommend aborting... i mean... its obvious you love each other, you both have plans to get married and agree kids comes after that and this one just got sprung on you guys...
    i recommend abort... its never a nice thing... but you gotta do what you gotta do.
    and if you decide to keep the baby (which is fine)... just understand... it won't be easy and might possibly throw a monkey wrench into you guys 2-3 year marriage plan. better hope your love is strong.
    just my opinion. I've seen what unplanned babies have done to couples and it ain't pretty.

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    • You recommendation to two people who are in their mid 20s, who planned on getting married and having kids anyway, and are happy she's pregnant, is to have an abortion? How does that make sense

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    • lol, no like i said noone goes back to normal. PLUS FYI, many women become infertile or have problems conceiving after abortion. Someone will hate someone in the relationship, statistically they dont ever stay together and they are nearly 30 they aren't children anymore.

    • @somebodysaycheese well at least you get it.

  • Same thing happened with my brother. They probably would have gotten married anyway. She swore up and down she couldn't get pregnant (uh huh...2 kids later...). She did, and first thing they did was go to the Justice of the Peace and get officially married for insurance reasons. She was a student and he was working, so they were able to put her on his plan.

    Then they made a couple phone calls. One to her parents, one to ours. Simple as that. Not necessarily easy, but simple.

    And don't let any certain prominent gagers make you feel ashamed of asking for help. You have as much right to be here asking for advice as they do, cunty gendered jabs notwithstanding.

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  • You're 25 so you're not children. You've been together for 3 years so you know each other well.

    If you are not getting an abortion, then you might as well get married. What *magic* is going to happen over the next few years that hasn't already happened? Just do it, or admit that you're not serious, get an abortion, and break up.

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  • Elope. Alert your parents by the phone. Tell them you'd like to arrange a ceremony for after the baby is born. Admit you rushed things, but that you want to make things right.

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  • You've been together for a while and you're both at a good age to have kids

    If it was me I would definitely keep the baby and once you've got past the infancy stage then get married

    Kids aren't an easy thing but it's by no means a burden

    Just relax and take a deep breath and talk about your options

    Just remember she's having as many conflicting thoughts as you are and she needs your support with what ever decision she makes or whatever decision you make together

    take it one step at a time and be patient with her because odds are that she's terrified

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  • It's easy, just tell them. Toooddaaaaayyyy !!
    You both, get inside the car and go to her parents house, then go to your parents.

    Tell them first about the idea of marrying 2 years, and that you both are in great love, and that love... turn it into your first baby.

    Done.

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  • 25 is a good time to have a kid. After that it gets harder and harder to have them for the woman at least, I'll never understand this thing where people want to wait til their 30s and 40s to have kids. Just look on the bright side, you'll get to spend more time with them. Telling the parents is hard but you just have to force yourself to do it.

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  • start saving up money and plan out how to deal with your own anger. As the scariest thing for a kid is when parents make the mistake of taking out their anger on the child or the other half. As loud things or fast things can scare kids or surprise them.

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    • Let's just say I didn't have a quiet childhood, so I understand.

    • I'm just saying this as it made my childhood a lot calmer. Having parents have a cool head can make the kid more easily find their own personality.

  • Really not much to say... Happy new phase of your life! :) Congratulations!

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  • I think you guys should just change your plans and have the kid now then!

    You're both about 25, it's a reasonable time for kids at that age.

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  • Guess you're gonna get married and have a kid a little sooner!
    Honestly 25 isn't that early...

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  • "we always use protection but the last time we didn't cause it was kinda spur of the moment"

    There is a lesson here.

    Otherwise, Prettygurl12 has it: "Either abort, get married, or prepare to have a child out of wedlock."

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  • Talk to your parents when you're ready. Seems like you both have a decent relationship so that's a plus.

    READ UP ON PARENTING, AND BEING PARENTS IN A RELATIONSHIP.
    Nothing kills a relationship more than two people forgetting why they started dating in the first place.

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  • If you were really planning on marrying her... I dont see the big deal,

    Just dont marry her because she got pregnant...

    Having an unplanned baby its not what brings a couple together... And its not a reason to get married. You guys can still have the baby and be bf/gf

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  • Yeah stuff happens. I may have you beat here; first time my mom met my (now wife) she was pregnant. "Oh hey mom I'd like to introduce you to X; we're um... having a baby". It was a little salty for a while.

    As long as you two both like each other and the idea of a child doesn't repulse you there's nothing to worry about.

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  • Been there. I'd say you're committed to each other. However, starting a marriage with an unplanned pregnancy is stressful and will more often
    then not cause a divorce. I've been through three pregnancies and abortions. Not fun.

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  • it's ok you can have your second child after 2-3 years :)
    you can say it was a sign from god so you get married sooner, family always fall for these things ;)

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  • Tell them you are in love, have a baby on the way and are getting married. I that order so they don't aurgue. It should be a happy day celebrating the upcoming birth and marriage. Honestly, mthey will be more focused in the baby.

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  • It's a sign - go for it now!!

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  • Just send or give a grandparents gift to them. It's easy. They will be happy. You will face challenge in raising your child but hey most kids aren't planned. Congratulations

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  • All I can say is don't let the kid pay for their parents mistake. If you can't provide for it (which I think you can considering your age and relationship length), at least give it up for adoption. Abortion is the cowards way out.

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  • congrats dad! welcome to adulthood. you got a wife and kids now.

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  • Well if you wanna abort.. Better do it before etrump wins.

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  • If you keep the baby, everything will be okay.
    If she choose the abortion, your relationship is over.

    Good luck!

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  • Good boy! You've used protection

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