Is it bad that I'm starting to sneakily regularly check my SO phone to see if he's cheating?

I don't know why, but I have a hunch, a gut feeling, that he just may be cheating. I feel bad for thinking this cause I know he's a great guy. I started feeling this feeling when I saw a girl call his phone. He said it was one of his friends, which I understand he does have friends who are girls. I have one or two guy friends too but you don't see them calling me and I hardly talk to them out of respect for my SO because I wouldn't want him thinking anything. But the girl who called him I've never heard of her before and she just randomly calls him? I found it odd. So when he's sleeping I've been taking his phone and checking for anything that involves cheating. So far I've seen that he's deleted all the pictures of us and me which could be for other reasons but in my mind I'm thinking other things and I just may confront him about that. But unless he's been deleting things I haven't seen anything so far. I really feel bad for doing it but obviously if he is, he wouldn't tell me, that's why it's called cheating. I'm doing it because we live together and I need to know if I need to pack my things and leave..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well its clear you want your relationship to end because you have already decided its going to end and are at the moment just looking for an excuse to leave. He deleted some pictures of you and him? So what, phones have limited space. A girl called him once, again so what? Nothing you stated suggest cheating, the only thing it suggest is that you are either a) insecure and are more then willing to push that insecurity off on to him, or b) you want an excuse to get out of your relationship but feel you can't come out right and do it so your trying to find a reason for why HE is the one who ruined the relationship not you (this is suggested by your seemingly indifference to the cheating and the mentioning moving out, clearly your priorities are not on the relationship). So if its A, then you need to stop projecting your fears onto him and learn to accept yourself. If its B, then just break up with him and be done with it, no reason to drag him through the mud (when he has done no wrong) simply because your afraid to get your hands dirty by ending a perfectly good relationship.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Snooping isn't ok and it isn't something that happens in a healthy relationship. You need to sort out your trust issues. If you really do believe he is cheating, you need to talk to him about it. You're gonna learn a lot more from his reaction than you will from snooping.

    What you're doing is wrong and it is not respectful of the relationship you have. You either trust your partner or you don't, and if it's the latter you talk about it, not go sneaking around through his phone behind his back.

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What Guys Said 14

  • "Seek and ye shall find"... darling, if you go looking for dirt, at some point you will find some and even if its irrelevant, your current mistrust will make it a bigger deal than it is.
    This is how real cheating starts... women get a "bad feeling" (male translation--insecure), get mistrust, start acting shady and suspicious... men aren't stupid... we notice.. we just don't say anything but it does push us away... next thing you know.. we are talking to another woman about what YOU are doing and then you go "AHA, i Knew you were cheating"... when in reality... YOU started it.
    if you are already mistrusting... you might as well just pack up and leave... other than that... stop looking for dirt or you will destroy your own relationship with your own hands.

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  • It's obvious you don't trust him so the relationship is doomed anyway

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  • media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...2c9e59f22ec1.jpg

    Hopefully you find something if not eventually you will be caught snooping and then you really have huge problems because trust is a valuable thing and you are stomping all over it. Eventhough he can lie it be better for you to ask about the person than shady and look behind his back.

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  • it's one thing to check once so you can shake the feeling.. but to monitor him... nah

    of course you're gonna find things which are odd.. it's what you're looking for... and OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE NOT GONNA STOP UNTIL YOU EITHER GET CAUGHT, OR MISCONSTRUE SOMETHING FOR CHEATING, OR DISCOVER HE'S REALLY CHEATING.

    apparently you're not to be trusted either. confess while you're ahead.

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  • Here's a suggestion:
    1. Introduce your male friends to your S. O.
    2. Have him do likewise with respect to his female friends.

    This would clear matters up, and expand your circles of friends.

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  • And if you find out that he wasn't cheating you'll have broken his trust. The moment you let your insecurities run rampant was the moment this relationship was doomed.

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  • How about you jus tell him how you're feeling because if he finds out you're checking out his phone to see if he's cheating. He's gon get mad.

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  • Yes it's bad

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  • Yeah, I'd dump you faster than shit. I don't have anything to hide but I do value my privacy. You snooping isn't ever justified. Ask him or leave, stop goin through his shit.

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  • hun if he is cheating it will eventually pop up
    don't go looking for problems cause you will turn a message into something its not cause you are a women and that's what you do

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  • Yes. I'd break up with you if I caught you.

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  • You are going to fuck up your relationship with this behavior.

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  • It's very bad indeed. It spoils your own peace of mind. Jealousy is a poison or a mental illness.

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  • Wow
    How long have you been together?
    Are you happy together?
    Sounds like you don't wanna wait to find out if he's cheating and the moment you would find out be out the door.
    If your evidence is a girl who called unless it was at an odd hour or she hung up on you if you answered or off things you need to stop. If you find other reasons than ask him but checking his phone while he's sleeping isn't the way.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Trust your gut instinct, it's usually right. I went through this before in my past relationship. He was extremely secretive, it didn't end well.
    A new girl he hasn't mentioned to you before is suspicious, him deleting the pics even more so.
    But you shouldn't need to check his phone. If there's no longer any trust in the relationship and he's acting weird then you need to leave just on that alone. If you're waiting for him to do something for you to catch him, that's going to hurt a lot more.
    This is your choice and none of us can tell you what to do. Trust your gut instinct and either confront him or leave. But be 100% certain that something isn't right before you do.

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  • Yes you should trust him and respect his privacy. Didn't he take the call in front of you? So you could hear she was just a friend. It is bad if you snoop once but if you have a gut feeling, whatever. You should feel guilty about it still. BUT if you didn't find anything why would you keep checking? Just stop now, if he is cheating you will know eventually one way or another, snooping won't help. You should trust him if he hasn't given you a reason not to. Guys also do not tend to keep swarms of pictures of them and their SOs, that makes sense. I don't know many guys that have more than a couple pics of them and their gfs in their phones.

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  • I'd never go against my own intuition. When you are living with someone then you know them well enough to know when things don't add up.

    Once you start "playing"detective within a relationship... you are crossing a boundary , and the trust is diminishing. If I felt a guys word wasn't good enough to be trust I'd leave , rather than go through his personal belongings for evidence.

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  • It's bad that you don't trust or believe him. If he's not cheating, your mistrust and invading his privacy may verywell end the relationship. I think you should have an open talk about your concerns and who the friend is.

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  • Yup, that's bad.

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  • Yes it is

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  • I noticed you said he has deleted pics of you two together? Um, that's a red flag. Never ignore your gut, first of all. Second, I would sit down and just talk to him. Don't interrogate, just calmly tell him how you feel. See what he says. If he gets weird or defensive, that's another red flag.

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  • Yes it is bad, but here we are. I would have an honest talk with him. Tell him how the behavior started. Tell him it makes you feel awful and you want to move past it but you need resolution. How long have you been dating? It is curious that he has random new friend you've never heard of if you've been together for a while. If she is just a friend maybe meeting her casually would help alleviate your fears. Be nice invite her over for dinner. Promise him not to do it anymore if he does this for you, and then don't do it. If he gets defensive it's not a good sign

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  • you don't trust him. the relationship isn't going to last, and if somehow it does last, it'll be shit and miserable.

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  • If you're having an iffy feeling, deal with it now before you drive yourself crazy just wondering. I was in the same spot, I had a weird feeling about a specific female. Turned out I was right all along and he was cheating on me with her. But it took me like 4 months to finally figure it out and confront them. So don't wait that long. Get to the bottom of it and make sure he isn't cheating!

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  • Pretend like u know nothing and just watch him... if there still be calls, then talk to him

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  • No girl! You're doing the right thing. Most men are cheaters and always wanting a hotter girls with bigger boobs! Make sure to put him in his place if he catch him which won't take long.

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  • The gesture is nasty, since it means you are hiding this from him and lying to him, so it is te opposite of honesty, trust and openness. On the other hand, if there's nothing there to incriminate him, what's the big deal, right? It's a big far paradox.

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