"Men are visual creatures ....they usually know within the first few minutes....

if they are interested in you." ~ advice from a dating book

So, if a guy doesn't ask you out the first time you meet him, game off?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not true at all. I'm finding girl I've known for years as people I'd not considered before... and finding other girls that I was initially attracted to as pretty repulsive now... and a few in between.

    There's a girl that I never would have really considered... but she's started wearing makeup, and doing more with her hair, wearing better clothes with better colors, and she's actually gotten me to being speechless (mouth gaping open silent awe kind of wow) a few times. She was always "cool," (ok to hang with) but her look really wasn't working for her... Before, I might have hesitated, citing that the personalities and interests are too diffierent... but now, I'd say yes to a date in a heartbeat (ok, that is, if she were actually interested, and she asked... ha ha ha).

    Some of the time, I'm really too nervous to talk to them much... so asking a girl out, while I might love to, I'm just trying to figure out how embarrassed I'd be if I tried talking to her, and if the risk of getting shot down was worth it. So no, the "logic" (I'm assuming) from the dating book is wrong.

    There was a girl that I was like... ok, she's ind of cute...and I had a minor crush. Well, she talked to me for about 5 minutes, and showed her eyes... and I was stunned. Beautiful brown eyes.

    There was another girl; really gorgeous looks. Yes, that's the visual aspect of us guys (ya'll are extremely visual too, you just act differently) I talked to her for 5 minutes, and I just thought she was strange, and she was a bit rude, which was a big turn off. And with her behavior, I'd have to think for a long time to figure out if I'd go out with her.

    So yes, while we're visual, there are plenty of normal guys who won't date the girl if she doesn't have a personality we like; and if we find a girl annoying at first, we can eventually change our minds... and those we might not be physicially attracted to at first, can turn out to be kind of hot later on.



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What Guys Said 9

  • Hi,

    Your statement is true about he men being visual creatures, but non-action doesn't mean game off. There could be lots of factors why he hasn't made a move. He could be shy, intimated, scared, not good with words, figuring out the best approach, passive, thinks that you're not interested, or very confident and he's waiting for you to show some interest, and the list goes on.

    My advice is that if you find yourself in this situation and you're interested, don't sit there waiting or expecting him to make a move--go for it yourself. Make that move!

    If you prefer to sit back and wait then at least send him some obvious signals that if he were to make a move your way it would be accepted.

    Hope this helps!

    Rudes

    You can also talk to me on my blog: therudeawakening7.tumblr.com

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  • Just because the guy didn't find you attractive the first few minutes, does not mean he will never ever be attacted to you, or think you're cute, pretty, or hot! And even if you don't look like the girl of his dreams, it doesn't mean he won't find you interesting enough to actually date you.

    If he doesn't ask you out straight up, then yeah... that means he wasn't that attracted to you physically. That does NOT mean he wouldn't go out with you. The only put down will be if he actually finds you... unattractive, for whatever reason.

    But sometimes, you're not unattractive, but you're not exactly the kind of girl he was aiming for. When that's the case, you have to rely on your personality.

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  • Visual from a far yes.

    There is a girl that I bumped into that at first sight, I just registered as cute . Then she talked to me and flirted ,a little bit. Oh boy ... I fell for her smiles laughs attitude etc...

    When they mean visual they mean from distance without knowing anything about you . You can sweep a guy off his feet with your right attitude . Flirt slightly an then play a bit hard to get . Smile a lot , laugh ( not at everything he says ) , have a great hair and don't act nervous.

    Then you will be desired. :o)

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    • Woman do that too, but fir either it is the personality that MAINTAINS the attraction.

  • That's a total crock of sh*t. I've met plenty of girls that I didn't find attractive at all when first meeting them. The same girls a few months down the road are the ones I'm in to.

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  • It's not a complete myth that guys often judge women by their looks. In fact, it happens all too often that guys ignore people who are perfectly wonderful just because they're "not attractive enough." The problem's not just on the side of men though; assuming that a guy won't be interested in you for any reason other than looks only makes it harder to find a relationship with someone.

    My advice: if you want to be in a relationship with a guy, get to know him a little before asking him out. You meet a guy in a public place, and if you think you have a chance, ask for his email address. Get to know each other formally before making it personal. Speaking from personal experience, if a guy becomes really interested in you outside of what you look like, he'll think that you look beautiful no matter what.

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  • Yeah, why not.

    OR how about women collectively stop compiling huge rule-sets and charts according to which then mechanically make life decisions and instead start listening to their gut instincts?

    Up to youse gals.

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    • Damage control ... our gut instincts are just biological brainwashing telling us which guys our bodies want to mate with ... which generally very few woman can actually date. it's kind of like trying to set reasonable goals.

    • People should just look for people they LIKE...

      We did not use rule books & emotional guide line charts^ to mate & procreate 100,000 years ago, we could probably STOP without the whole world falling apart.. Probably if we keep dissecting each other we are going to fall apart, in SOOO many ways -- STOP.

  • No not at all...

    Men are visual but this does not mean he will eat you up straight away. He could be shy. Think you are too good for him. Be very insecure.

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  • if he knows you have a boyfriend, he will usually hold off.

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  • Def not game off.

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What Girls Said 7

  • it's so true. I find that when a guy first meets me or wants to approach me, he'll check me out at one point or another. I have had guys comment on my looks before they try to secure a date with me.

    of course you spend time to know him , that's common sense. to ask questions and learn about who he really is if you're interested in him and he is interested in you.

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  • First of all, don't give weight to dating books, quizzes, etc. Everyone's got an opinion and the simple fact is that every relationship just like every person is massively different. The rules don't apply to everyone. That said, just because a guy is attracted to you and doesn't ask you out doesn't mean there's no hope or chance. Guys have their moments of insecurity and don't always get up the gaul to ask someone out right away.

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  • Sure, if you'll only associate with that person for that few minutes that it takes them to know if they are interested. But generally, no it doesn't work that way.

    I don't know about how it works for guys, but for me, I am somewhat visual too in what I'm looking for, but I've fallen for some guys whose looks wasn't what attracted me at first, but rather how we connected and got along with each other.

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  • No, he may be shy, he may be scared, he may have involvement with another woman right then...don't jump to conclusions if he doesn't go after you full speed right away!

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  • If he doesn't ask you out the first time, it doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive. He could just be shy and need some time to work up the courage to ask you out.

    ------

    With my ex, there was instant chemistry between us from the moment we first saw each other, but he didn't ask me out until the semester was over. Lol, he spent the entire semester getting to know me, we studied together, went out to lunch, etc. but never a formal date until months later

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  • Oh, bullsh*t. Women are just like that too. We may not be as visual as men, but I know if I'll spread my legs for a man within 5 seconds of talking to him.

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  • yeah. they can look at you instantly and tell if they are attracted to you. if you had to "grow on him" then he didn't find you attractive. and not too many guys are going to pursue women they don't find attractive no matter how good her personality is lol. plus if he finds you really good looking obviously they are not the only guy who thinks so he has to jump on the oppurtunity quickly and not wait around.

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