Ever feel like you're not worthy of finding a partner?

I've been dating for years! I have had a few relationships here and there, but most never really last more than a year.

I'm 26 years old, and everyone around me only had to go on a few dates to find the person they married or started a family with. Many of my friends settled down really young, and I think that's part of the reason I feel like there must be something wrong with me.

I want to settle down. But I feel like I have to constantly justify my life to other people. I'm at the age where everyone is asking me why I'm not married yet. And I have no idea how to even answer that question. It's not for a lack of wanting to find a guy. I would love to have a partner. But I just haven't been lucky enough to find one.

Sometimes I even feel like I'm just not good enough for a guy. I have a good job, I work very hard, I have a good head on my shoulders. I'm very loving, caring, kind and supportive. On paper I have all the qualities guys have told me they want. But I'm still single :(

Anytime I meet a guy I like, I feel inadequate. I do my best to try to be confident, but I never seem to win over the guy. If I do find a guy who is interested in me, he's putting me on a pedestal and I don't feel like he really see's me. I just want a guy who wants to be with me. Not someone who is going to be happy with whatever attention they get.

I've had several bf's who only used me in the past. Said they cared, but really didn't. Lots of bad experiences online too! Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough to find a partner :(

Anyone else going through this? I honestly feel so alone :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's very common to be single at age 26. It's just your social circle that makes you feel differently. Also don't forget a lot of those friends who already settled down didn't have much in the way of standards or aren't really that happy (like you would have been if you had stayed with one of your ex boyfriends who you know weren't right for you).

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    • Thanks! That makes me feel better! I definitely feel like I dodged a few bullets. But I do get sad sometimes and think that I won't ever find anyone. I'm having a n incredibly hard time getting any dates at all. I've been online for 7 months and only had 4 dates :S

    • You're welcome!

      Yeah, it can be hard, but as long as you are getting some dates there's hope. Maybe you can take a second look at some of these men who put you on a pedestal: some of them might genuinely love your personality and have many common interests rather than just being desperate for female attention, it should be easy to spot the difference when you engage them in some deep conversation.

    • Thanks! I'll definitely keep that in mind when meeting guys. Do you have any tips for getting guys attention? What makes guys notice a girl? I feel like I get over looked a lot on my profile and even in person. What would make a guy take notice?

Most Helpful Girl

  • I get how you're feeling. It took me 27 years to get asked out, and I had pursued several guys. Many told me I'm the kind of girl you take home to meet your bedroom and not your mom, which is actually opposite. I'm such a good girl, I don't do casual sex so I don't know how they come up with that. I've always been overweight, so I always assumed that's why I couldn't find a guy. Then I met the perfect guy and we made it a year, I screwed things up by not opening up enough to him. You get to a point where you feel like maybe you're not meant to find someone. Like God has kept you alone for so long because you're not meant to find someone. I think that everyday, but Is till hope like hell its not true because I want more than anything to love someone and make someone happy.

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    • I often feel like I'll never find anyone. My mom is pressuring me for kids, and I keep getting asked about when I am getting married. My cousin's fiancee last year hurt my feelings when she told me it was easy to find a guy. She didn't know I was in a relationship but it was rocky (he was cheating, I didn't know at the time but I knew something was up by his behaviour). I feel like everyone is blaming me. Some even make me feel like I should have stayed with my ex even though he would have kept cheating :(

What Guys Said 17

  • I know an awsome 36yr old that is still holding out and I'd count myself, so yes... same boat.

    You actually sound like a great catch. Id suggest going to counseling just to explore if there is anything emotionally that is turning guys off. for example.. you say you feel inadquate... that is not healthy is it? ... do you become needy? are you attracted to the wrong kinds of guys or just running into lame guys? You'd be surprised at what is making the decisions in your life (your sub concsious childhood conditioning... which may not be good). you've been wounded a few times, go and get your emotional self cleaned up.

    you might try a match making service... so they filter down to some quality guys... pricy... but if you have the $.

    I can tell you I've met some awsome girls and missed opportunities with them either because I wasn't ready, or they were awkward in some way and was a turnoff. The best scenario is two healthy adults who care about each other and enjoy each others presence.

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  • Yeah, I've been going through this for some time now. I am 23 and have never had a girlfriend, and I'm graduating from college this summer. So, 5 years in college and nothing at all to show for.

    However, I've been seeing a therapist about this for around two months now, and she's making progress in making me think I'm worthy of a partner. Those optimistic thoughts are still very fragile, they don't survive that long, but at least they exist. With time, I think I will seriously believe wholeheartedly that I'm worthy of a partner.

    So suggestion, see a decent therapist if you can afford to.

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  • Great question, actually I was at one time and it was when after the bad fall I was in that could have been so very much worse then it turned out, and even tho I got very lucky.. one sort of scar remains and may for a long time, and that is that I now had to wear diapers and rubber pants daily... and I always liked the dating scene a lot, and after some time I decided to try and get back into it.. well out trying to find that first date.. I felt very felt not worthy of finding a women because I thought the minute I told them about it.. the possible date would be over before it even started.. but on the first try I did meet a nice lady at a mall one day I was shopping at.. we hit it off right away, I ended up buying her lunch that day, and later we went to the park.

    But all this time in the back of my mind I was trying to find the right words to tell her of my diaper wearing and why I wore them... I then found those words and we sat down on a bench and I told her everything about my fall and what I now wore.. she was just thrilled that I was honest to her about all of it.. and right after I told her she leaned over and gave me one of the sweetest kisses I had ever had.. it was not very long after that I asked her if one night she would like to hang out and maybe go to a movie, dinner, or even a dance.. she said yes to me right away, so not only did I have my first date while diapered.. we stayed together for 9 months.. then we split but it was because she went to another job in another province that she had good qualifications for.

    I had my job and was working my way up the ladder so I stayed behind.. we are great friends to this day and when she gets holidays she comes to vist some friends that she knew when she was here and I am always one of them.. she even one time told me she dated a guy over there that also wore adult diapers and rubber pants the same as me.. and on her last visit she even played some games with me and mommy/baby was one of them.. she then stripped me down to what I now wear.. it was fantastic when that took place.. and even after she had gone.. I was now very confident and felt very worthy to go on any date.. and still do.. it told me that the garments I wear are not a deal breaker and never have been.. long post I know.. but a very honest one.. take care now

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  • Don't be too hard on yourself your still young you have plenty of time to get married but I just think you have not met the right person for you yet and it's not your fault that previous buy friends have treated you badly in the past believe me we all don't like being put on a pedestal in some way because feels sometimes you have to live up to something your not your right with just being yourself

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    • 'Boyfriend '

    • I totally agree with what you have said about the pedestal. I just feel sometimes like I am not able to live up to the fantasy they have created about who I am as a person. It makes me sad, because I really want to live up to it, but I'm human. I'm not perfect.

    • We all do feel when we think we have to live up to something your but I am sure like everyone else you great qualities about yourself by just being yourself you are being human

  • I'm sorry to hear you in this position Anon. I have been there too!!

    A few things changed for me at about 29 years old. Confidence and changing my outlook on different cultures. I found my wife when I started having an interest in girls from the Philippines.

    You sound like a great girl. Do you date or consider dating people from other cultures?

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    • I'm open to dating people from other cultures. But I'm not willing to date someone who doesn't live in the same country as I do. It just makes things super complicated. I'm hoping to find someone local.

      I live in a small town though, so there aren't many different cultures. I don't think that's the problem. I'm just having a hard time finding guys who are single and are interested in me.

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    • Yes. I can see that from both points of view. When someone wants something from you do they suggest you come to them or do any want to go to you?

    • Most of the time I have to go to them. I don't mind driving, but it would be nice if someone would come to me sometimes. I've only had a couple people offer to come to me.

  • Yeah, sometimes.

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  • Yeah, I've never had a girlfriend and I don't think I'm good enough which is the biggest cause for my two year long depression in which I tried to poison myself cause I didn't want to live alone. In 10 years I'll probably be in your same situation and it sucks. But you'll find someone, I've got almost nothing to offer, I'm infertile, my lifespan is a max of 47 years, and I probably have no future despite my perfect GPA cause with my disease I'm singled out of pretty much every job that pays. Be glad you're not in the same situation I'm in, you've got a good job, you're a good girl, you're smart and you've got a great chance, I guarantee you'll find someone just be yourself.

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    • by the way, 26 is too young for marriage anyways so don't stress marriage too much

  • I feel that way not, not good enough to really get what I want. So, single again. The couple of gals that were good for me, I threw away. So now, after a bad marriage (we settled to get married) and a long term toxic relationship, I am looking again for a lady that will be my best friend.

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  • you gotta understand hun there is no right person it's a choice based on you and your partner

    so don't expect some magical shit no matter who you are with

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    • I don't expect magic or for there to be only one perfect person. But just finding one person who seems to work out with me is a hard thing to find.

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    • Someone laid back, nice, someone who is family-oriented, a guy who likes to eat and cook lol. I love to eat and cook. Someone who loves cats.

    • hun that's like 90% of guys lol

  • I know how you feel it took me until i was 29 to find the woman i would marry, and i very nearly gave up.

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    • Yea, I'm pretty much at the point where I have no idea what to do. I've been trying my best to meet new people, but every guy I meet (literally!) is already taken. It seems like there's a shortage of guys where I live, which sucks big time :(

  • Yes, I feel this way all the time...

    I also feel undervalued by the opposite sex because other guys are pussies...

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  • oh please. all the people i meet just aren't worthy to hang out with me.

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  • I understand. Me too.

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  • Pfffft yeah me & im older than you 😖

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  • Yeah most of the time

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  • in fact those that make families and kids are 90% of the time 80iq evil ass morons with the manners of a peasant that proliferate like bunnies. most of the quality peope are left alone. thats why humanity will get worse with each generation. watch the movie idiocracy. exactly the picture of our future... .

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  • Unfortunately most guys are junst not interested in women anymore, me personally after having gone through enough crap with women, i'm happily focused on my career and enjoy my time with friends, i lost interest in women and don't want to be married. I couldn't care less about that now. Plus women appear very unfeminine these days and i just am not attracted to women like that

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What Girls Said 6

  • Its more like I don't want to!

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  • i felt that awhile back but got through that phase.

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  • Never felt that way.

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  • I understand you... Me too.

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  • I wonder if there are unresolved issues within in? Why are guys only staying with you for a few months? Why are you choosing these kind of guys? What excuses are you making? Take inventory. Some of my friends are in their mid-30s and still haven't resolved this issue. When you are ready to marry, the guy will come. This cycle is synonymous with something within you. I needed to figure it out when I was still single and 28! Once I dealt with some inner problems, my husband came into my life 1week later. :) There is HOPE... just learn about you without the excuses...

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    • I have no idea why guys only stay with me for a while. Most of my relationships last a year and that's it. The last guy cheated, and I have no idea why. I didn't do anything to push him away that I can think of. I was good to him, never fought with him or anything.

      I don't feel like I have any serious issues. I know people who have all sorts of issues who are in relationships. So I'm not exactly sure what it is about me that is keeping guys away. That's part of the problem. I have done a lot of thinking over the years and I just can't seem to put a finger on what it is.

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    • I am pretty passive in my nature. But I'm not someone who ignores my bf's or anything. I am pretty active in the relationship, always planning things and wanting to see them. Not overly clingy, but attentive.

      I guess I could ask around. I just feel like no one around me really understands dating and relationships either :/

    • Being passive can transpire in different ways such as letting the guy get away with things... or excusing his behaviours...
      If I may suggest that you talk with a counsellor about this, I think it will give you some clarity and a different perspective. Marnie Macauley on prestoexperts is quite good.

  • I feel ur pain))
    I just end not perspective 2 years relationship with guy, who is much older and always cheated on me...
    Try to date other guys now... but guys who i like dont show much interest and guys who i dont like likes me...
    I ll be forever alone i guess...
    I am 26 too

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