Why can't it just be fair that whomever asked the other person out is the one that's paying for their first date?

I've asked men out and payed... They'd sometimes be okay with it, but mostly they'd be kind of angry about it. Like I was emasculating them for some reason...

o. O

Why can't it just be fair that whomever asked the other person out is the one that's paying for their first date?



  • No idea why... I say that's fair - the asker pays.
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  • Hmmmm... it may depend on the situation and how much the guy likes the girl.
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  • You should give the guy a chance to offer to pay - at least.
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  • Nope, guys always pay.
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  • Damn... I think women should always pay. ;)
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have no problem paying but at the same time I'm not going to force a guy to make me pay for his lunch

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What Guys Said 15

  • I think that it would always be split, unless they favor gender roles of some sort. In which case they need to find someone that is compatible with that mindset.

    Most of the time the person doing the asking out are guys, so saying the person that does the asking out should pay, is still a way of saying guys should pay in most cases. A lot of women that want to go out with the guy refuse to actually be the one to do the asking. Why should a guy pay, when the woman was the one dropping hints she wanted to go out in the first place?

    It actually reinforces the idea that guys should always pay, because women are so much less likely to ask the guy out. Even a lot of people that claim to believe in equality and ending gender roles still shame guys by claiming they aren't gentlemen if he doesn't pay. This is the kind of problem with expecting the asker (mostly the guy) to always be the one to have to pay. In order to remove this still existing gender expectation, we need to make sure it is completely fair and split the bill.

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    • I thought someone might say this... Obviously, doesn't apply to me nor any other woman that actually goes for what she wants...
      Forgot about splitting - the fairest way... xD

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    • Your experience is not normal. Most women are not as open to being the one doing the asking out. Instead most of them just drop hints to get the guy to ask her out.

    • That's what most people do... not just women. Most definitely guys are very scared of women rejecting them and women are very scared of being seen as sluts simply because they made the first move. It's ridiculous, but it's true.

  • I would say:
    - Asker should expect to pay.
    - Askee should be ready to pay half
    - Askee should offer to pay their share
    - Asker is free to accept that, in which case bill is split

    If Asker says 'no no i'll pay'
    - If the date is going really horribly and Askee knows they dont' want to go out again, they can feel free to insist on paying their half. Or just shrug and accept it.
    - if the date is going decently and askee probably want to go out again, gratefully accept, and consider asking out (and paying) the next time.

    Special rules when women pay and the guy seems awkward about letting a woman pay:
    - if the date is going kind of well, tell him if he wants to pay, he'll have to ask you out next.
    - if the date is going really well, tell him you're traditional. You ask, you pay, he ordered expensive stuff, he has to put out later, those are the rules.

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  • You didn't include splitting. What about always split early on unless it's sudden/short notice or a surprise?

    "Asker pays" skews in the favor of women taking advantage of the cultural pressures that expect a guy to ask - and I've seen plenty of women say "asker pays" while also having said "I never ask guys out." They know exactly what they are doing.

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    • Show All
    • Maybe you should discuss it in private messages...

    • Nah, I think I'm done. :)

  • This has also to do with how we were raised. My dad and I are very traditional and he taught me to always pay for a date regardless. He always said it was the gentleman thing to do. Its worked out for me, my wife loved the charm and gesture when we were dating.

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  • Asker pays but if the event is a bit pricey but I always feel guilt about it.
    I think I've been infected by the brown peep's XD
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBprcEEOGCQ

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    • guilty about it... missing a... y there

    • Dude, didn't you ever watch the adults fight over the dimsum bill? lmao

    • @Cosytoasty
      lol no , my family is more... discrete about it , after the dinner just before we call it a night , we stand outside the restaurant , says our goodbyes and then... money starts secretly changing hands with those good bye hugs and handshakes , slipping money into pockets and such.
      Keep it LOOOOOWW key.
      LOW.

  • As an old school guy ( litterally ) I would expect to pay on a date , but many here feel with the extremist views they no longer want chivalry and that the whole idea is just a dinosaur

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    • I don't think it is... It's nice, but some guys are offended when they're expected to pay and some are offended when they aren't. It's a mad world.

    • Your right it is a mad world

  • where is the obviously fairest choice... you split?

    you always need 2 for a date... one who asks, one who accepts... both need to be interested in it. so just split the bill and all the problems are gone. if you have a fix rule like the asker pays, some people will just wait to get asked out.

    but yes... if I'm the one asking out, then I assume that I will be the one paying for everything and if she says she pays her part it will be a pleasant surprise. but if we talk about changing things... splitting is the way to go

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  • i always tack on "my treat" when asking a girl out for the first time. i'm aware of a few girls that turned me down, because they couldn't afford splitting at that time (they told me later on). I've had one respond with "ok, but only if we split". fine w/ me. I've had many just outright deny me hehe..

    end of the day, i want to pay. that's one less worry for her while we're out.

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  • I wouldn't have a problem with it, if I ask a girl out I'd love to pay :D
    And hope she doesn't eat only in restaurants of 3 Michelin stars or above :o :o

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  • At least split the bill you both agreed to go out to dinner. once you Magee to keep seeing each other then it's ok to switch of on who pays. the one that doesn't pay all least leaves a good tip

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  • Nah i am completely ok with that. It never happened with my wife, because she has never really had a steady job.

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  • I have always paid regardless.

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  • Preach sister!!!
    Im still one to pay on the first few dates though.

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  • First date, go Dutch.

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  • mmm I think whoever pays, its ok if both likes each other

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What Girls Said 5

  • That's the way I've always seen things.

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  • I really don't think dating should be a thing where you pay to get to know someone IF they are strangers. Now if you have been hanging out before this then you can step up and pay. And the asker does be the one to pay. But dating to find someone, it's really a thing where sometimes you have to go though A LOT of people to find "The One" so why invest all that in the beginning?

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  • why not just ALWAYS split. that way w can stop asking the same question every time.

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  • Asker pays.

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  • It's the way I have always done it. If they insist on paying their own share I won't argue about it though.

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