I think that it would always be split, unless they favor gender roles of some sort. In which case they need to find someone that is compatible with that mindset.
Most of the time the person doing the asking out are guys, so saying the person that does the asking out should pay, is still a way of saying guys should pay in most cases. A lot of women that want to go out with the guy refuse to actually be the one to do the asking. Why should a guy pay, when the woman was the one dropping hints she wanted to go out in the first place?
It actually reinforces the idea that guys should always pay, because women are so much less likely to ask the guy out. Even a lot of people that claim to believe in equality and ending gender roles still shame guys by claiming they aren't gentlemen if he doesn't pay. This is the kind of problem with expecting the asker (mostly the guy) to always be the one to have to pay. In order to remove this still existing gender expectation, we need to make sure it is completely fair and split the bill.
I would say: - Asker should expect to pay. - Askee should be ready to pay half - Askee should offer to pay their share - Asker is free to accept that, in which case bill is split
If Asker says 'no no i'll pay' - If the date is going really horribly and Askee knows they dont' want to go out again, they can feel free to insist on paying their half. Or just shrug and accept it. - if the date is going decently and askee probably want to go out again, gratefully accept, and consider asking out (and paying) the next time.
Special rules when women pay and the guy seems awkward about letting a woman pay: - if the date is going kind of well, tell him if he wants to pay, he'll have to ask you out next. - if the date is going really well, tell him you're traditional. You ask, you pay, he ordered expensive stuff, he has to put out later, those are the rules.
You didn't include splitting. What about always split early on unless it's sudden/short notice or a surprise?
"Asker pays" skews in the favor of women taking advantage of the cultural pressures that expect a guy to ask - and I've seen plenty of women say "asker pays" while also having said "I never ask guys out." They know exactly what they are doing.
This has also to do with how we were raised. My dad and I are very traditional and he taught me to always pay for a date regardless. He always said it was the gentleman thing to do. Its worked out for me, my wife loved the charm and gesture when we were dating.
where is the obviously fairest choice... you split?
you always need 2 for a date... one who asks, one who accepts... both need to be interested in it. so just split the bill and all the problems are gone. if you have a fix rule like the asker pays, some people will just wait to get asked out.
but yes... if I'm the one asking out, then I assume that I will be the one paying for everything and if she says she pays her part it will be a pleasant surprise. but if we talk about changing things... splitting is the way to go
i always tack on "my treat" when asking a girl out for the first time. i'm aware of a few girls that turned me down, because they couldn't afford splitting at that time (they told me later on). I've had one respond with "ok, but only if we split". fine w/ me. I've had many just outright deny me hehe..
end of the day, i want to pay. that's one less worry for her while we're out.
I really don't think dating should be a thing where you pay to get to know someone IF they are strangers. Now if you have been hanging out before this then you can step up and pay. And the asker does be the one to pay. But dating to find someone, it's really a thing where sometimes you have to go though A LOT of people to find "The One" so why invest all that in the beginning?