My girlfriend has had more sex partners than me. How do I deal with the jealousy?

I'm 26 and recently have gotten into my very first actual relationship. The girl I'm with right now is my first girlfriend. I've never dated or had any sort of relationship with anyone before her. The same does not apply to her. She has had multiple partners in the past. Now I'm not feeling upset because I'm afraid my dick is too small or something stupid like that. It's because it pisses me off that all the other guys she's been with got easily what I had to work my entire life to earn. Let me explain. I was not athletic or the most charming in High School. Girls thought I was weird because my personality wasn't naturally conformist like everyone else. I was acutely aware that I would lose out to guys who were better looking or more charming then me. But I worked hard. I worked incredible hard in all corners of my life from High School to college and beyond. Today I have a great career that compensates me well, I'm in terrific shape, and I've managed to cultivate enough charm to match the extroverts who have it naturally. My girlfriend approached me first, which I think was very progressive of her, but now that we've delved a little into each others histories. I've learned about her exes as well as her one-night stands and I know for a fact that none of those proles worked nearly as hard at self-development as I did and it pisses me off that they got what I wanted without putting nearly as much work as I did in.

I don't how to deal with this anger and jealousy I'm feeling.

I'm pretending for the time being that knowing her history doesn't bother me at least until I come to terms with it on my own.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm the same man. That's why... I don't settle. You work your arse off to be some woman's consolation prize? Fuck that, I came late to the party (same story as you) but I sure as shit an going to party like a demon. Just play the field. It's that or you settle for this one. And let me tell you a harrowing secret, the more you bottle this inside, the worse it is going to be for her. You either let go and submit to the fact she has had a much better sex life than you. Or you start creating your own sex life. or you ask for an open relationship😊

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    • Nice idea, I'll tell her when the time is right. In the meantime maybe I should look into the PUA community. Those guys are scum but they get results. What do you think?

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    • Broke up with her this morning. It's not right that I worked hard my whole life to be her consolation prize. I couldn't get laid in the past because I didn't have the skills or resources I needed that's different now. It's not fair that she got to explore her sexuality and I didn't. I'm taking control of my sex life on my terms.

    • Dude... well done. That's taking initiative. You will look back and be glad about this position. If you ever want to see how much fun you can have, seriously read the classic: the game by Neill Strauss. It just shows you how you can change your life and become that man in your head. Always keep bettering yourself and the women will come flocking and when YOU ready to settle you settle.

What Girls Said 2

  • Doesn't sound like you two are a good match. Either get over it or move on. Your girlfriend doesn't deserve this attitude you are holding on to.

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    • Maybe so, but I'm also looking at a much starker reality. Her case is not unique in today's world. I'm also looking down the barrel at the fact that every girl I meet from here on out is going to be like her.

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    • @Scrambledagain it's never right to be bitter. What right is to get to the root of ones bitterness and overcome it. If not, it's only going to hurt him in the end. Everyone else will just move on.

    • Yip exactly, bitterness is bad and one should get to the root of it. You correct. A lot of the times the root of it is the fact that women can get sex so easily while guys have to work for it, resulting in women choosing their sexual destinies and men not so much. But when late bloomers start getting noticed by women it comes at an age where they supposed to settle? So like women have fun and those men don't? Very unfair and worthy of bitterness. That's why late bloomers must never settle at first but have their fun and the problem is because it's new territory, late bloomers settle for the first girl they meet. They must never fall into this trap.

  • She can't undo her past, so you have two choices... leave her and find a girl who hasn't had many sexual partners , or stay with her and work on your insecurities. Eventually your insecurities will destroy the relationship.

    Her past sexual experiences aren't the issue here, your insecurities are. Unless you work on those you'll never feel happy in any relationship. Even with a girl who has had no sexual partners

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What Guys Said 5

  • Thats life, some people naturally posses certian traits while others have to develop themselves.

    Look at the positives tho. You are currently at your best. you're in great shape, have a good job and have improved your social skills. you're better off than most guys.

    Maybe you should explore your options more before settling down. You've developed yourself and have this new found desirability. Do you really want this girl to be your first and ONLY person you ever get to experience?

    Or maybe find a girl who is close to being equally as inexperienced as you are. That might make you happier.

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    • I don't think that's likely though. I'm a late bloomer nearly every girl on the market is ahead of me already. The ones that aren't at this stage are holding out for marriage, which is just fine for them, but doesn't really work for me.

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    • That's a pretty good idea.

    • Good luck

  • Why are you jealous? XD.

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    • Seriously? I wrote an entire paragraph explaining in vivid detail why I was jealous.

    • I didn't feel like reading that. Hey man, if it's a deal breaker for you then I guess break up with her.

  • She has experience, she can teach you.
    Shut up and enjoy.
    Her experience makes her better for you.

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  • I feel the same way too if I ever get a girlfriend, but what I love about your girlfriend is that she approached you first, girls almost never do that, I wish more did it though

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  • Cheat on her, you've earned it.

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